Vodka and Nicotine
by xrightwhereitbelongs
Summary: Serendipity brought them together - sex, drugs and rock and roll follow. How will such an unhealthy relationship affect their already fragile states of mind? BxE, OOC, All Human.
1. One

**EDIT: I realise that the first few chapters of this had the odd bit of present tense in them which was rather annoying, I'm now replacing these so hopefully that'll make it a little easier to read.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.**

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**Vodka and Nicotine**

Chapter One

_Serendipity: noun - Good luck coming from making an unintended and fortunate discovery._

It was four AM and the rain would not stop falling, the sky above was dark and angry, black clouds swept swiftly across the night sky constantly blocking the moon from sight. Thunder roared in the distance voicing its anger at downtown Chicago, brief flashes lit the sky as lightning completed the storm. The streets around me were deserted as I stumbled aimlessly looking for a cab. My eyes were blurred from tears and drunkenness but I didn't care, I didn't care about anything, not anymore.

I shivered as the large drops of precipitation saturated my body not only soaking through my clothes but also sinking into my skin. Wrapping my arms around my waist I rubbed my sides frantically, trying to draw whatever heat I could from the friction but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't warm my shivering body.

I was distraught. Silent sobs shook my body as my tears began to mingle with the cold rainwater pouring down my cheeks. I was beginning to regret my choice of clothing. If I had known I would be stuck walking the streets of Chicago in the pouring rain at four AM I'm sure I would have chosen a little differently. I was dressed in only a thin white tank top and a pair of dark blue skinny jeans teamed with my white chuck's.

I swore loudly as I stepped directly into a _huge _puddle, my foot was engulfed in ice-cold water totally soaking my shoe and sock. Just great. This was exactly what I needed right now. I angrily wiped the damp off of my face, slapping my sodden hair back into place. There were no cars to be seen, no taxis, no people. I had left my cell phone at the club and no matter how much I hated to not turn back and get it I just couldn't face seeing Jacob again. Fuck it, like I _needed_ a phone.

I stopped in a doorway pulling out my packet of Marlboro from my back pocket; I fished my silver Zippo from my front pocket bringing the flame up to my mouth to light the cigarette. I took a long, deep drag of my favourite addiction revelling in the felling of serenity it brought me. I exhaled slowly, letting my eyes flutter closed finally beginning to allow myself to calm ever so slightly. Tonight had been a total train wreck I felt exhausted not just physically but emotionally as well.

I was half way through my nicotine fix when I felt a tap on my shoulder; I looked up to see the most attractive boy I had ever laid eyes on. He was tall and slim, not anorexic 'oh my gosh eat something' slim but lean and muscular, I could see the outline of his perfectly formed abs through his shirt. His hair was bronze in colour, it stuck up all over the place giving him a dishevelled look but it was absolutely lush. His eyes were a piercing green set against milky white flesh. I felt my heart race and my body grow hot. I must have been staring at him like a complete idiot, my mouth slightly agape. He flashed me a cheeky grin, clearing his throat before he spoke.

"Can I bum a smoke?" He asked, his voice made me shiver; it was smooth as velvet and sexy as hell.

"Uh, sure." I held out the carton for him to take one, he did, popping it seductively between his lips before lighting it.

"Thanks." He said, before taking a slow drag with those beautiful lips.

I bit my lip, suppressing the urge to throw myself at him. We were standing close to one another in the small doorway, the smoke from our cigarettes snaking its way around us making everything except him hazy. I took another drag, leaning awkwardly on the cold wall behind me.

"I'm Edward." He introduced after a few moments of silence, he held his hand out for me to shake, his cigarette dangling from his mouth.

"Bella." I replied, reaching out to take his outstretched hand.

It was warm and I wondered why he wasn't drenched to the core, did he come from within the building or from the street? I hadn't noticed. I liked the feel of his soft skin on mine and held on just a second too long. He took his hand back, drawing in another lungful of the hot smoke, a smug grin plastered on his perfect face.

"What are you doing out here all alone, Bella?" My name rolled off his tongue and I felt myself grow wet, but not from the rain.

"Uh…" I choked on my words feeling completely idiotic. "I could ask you the same thing." I retorted, like fuck I was going to share my pathetic sob story with this god of a man.

He chuckled, running a hand through the mess of bronze atop his head. If I hadn't been creaming over him before I totally was now. How was it possible for one person to ooze so much sex? _God, Bella, get a grip! _He leaned toward me, just an inch or so but it made my heart race regardless. I could now feel his warm breath on my face, see the tiny flecks in his emerald eyes.

"I live here." He pointed to the door we were standing in front off.

"Oh." Was all I could manage and I inwardly cringed at how retarded I was acting.

I hadn't even noticed we were standing in front of a large apartment building; of course he had come from within the building. He was completely dry whereas I was still dripping from my time in the rain.

"So, you never answered my question…" Again, he leaned just a fraction closer and I found myself inclining ever so slightly towards him.

"Well it's a long story." It wasn't really; I could probably sum up tonight's events in five words but as I already said. Like fuck I was telling him.

He just shrugged finishing his cigarette before tossing the butt into the street. He turned to go back inside and disappointment washed over me, I needed to do something, _think Bella!_

"Hey…" I started slowly, he turned back to face me. "I sort of lost my phone; I don't suppose you could call me a cab?"

"Sure." He nodded, producing a cell phone from his pant pocket.

He dialled a number and I heard it ring four times before someone picked up.

"Yellow Cab." I heard a woman say.

"Hi, I need a cab please." He told the woman the address then looked at me.

"Where are you going?" He mouthed.

"Wicker Park."

He relayed this information to the operator then snapped his cell shut.

"It'll be five or ten minutes." He told me, leaning on the wall lazily.

He was so close now, his soft cotton shirt was brushing against my bare arm, I took a deep breath staring straight ahead. Oh how much I wanted to grab his face and kiss those supple lips. A shiver ran through my body, not entirely from the cold.

"Would you like a jacket or something?" His eyes held a hint of amusement but also concern; he reached his hand out placing it on my naked arm. "Jesus you're freezing!"

"I'm fine." I wasn't but his hand on my arm was tricking me into thinking the statement true.

I felt heat pool between my legs as he stared at me all wide-eyed and irresistible. He was standing so close to me now, his hand still on my cold, damp arm.

"Here." He whispered, placing his free hand on my other arm, rubbing them gently with his hands.

The sensation was mind blowing as his hands slowly brought the heat back to my arms. My heart was beating so loudly now I was sure he could hear it. He looked down at me a wonderful lop sided smile on his pink lips. He opened his mouth to speak and a cascade of deliciously sweet air rushed into my face, god this beautiful stranger was making me horny by simply breathing.

"Better?"

"Much, thank you." I replied, surprised to hear how coherent I sounded.

I felt drunk, high, intoxicated by his very presence. Jesus what was wrong with me? It had been less than an hour since I had caught Jacob with that blonde bimbo and here I was making sex eyes at a complete stranger. He could be an axe-wielding maniac for all I knew.

I stared intently into his eyes; my lips parted just a fraction of an inch. My mind was an incomprehensible haze of thoughts. My body was leaning subtly towards him, I was increasingly aware of his warm touch. If I just leaned forward a few more inches, our lips would be touching… I wonder what it would feel like to have him kiss me. Would his lips be better than Jake's warm ones?

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a horn being honked. Both Edward and I turned our attention to the yellow cab, which had just pulled up.

"Uh, thanks again. I really appreciate your help." I smiled, reluctantly pulling away from his soft touch to make my way over to the cab.

He followed, opening the cab door for me. I was about to get in when he leaned towards me, his body touching mine.

"It was a pleasure," He whispered into my ear, his warm breath tickling my ear. "By the way, you look so damn fine in that sexy little bra." He pulled back, the cockiest grin plastered on his face.

I felt my face grow red from the sheer embarrassment of the situation; I remembered that I was wearing a black bra, with a white shirt, which was completely saturated with rainwater. Great, that's just real smooth, Bella. I thought about coming up with some kick ass comeback but my mind was completely blank so instead I slid into the cab, pulling the door shut behind me. He gave me a small wave as the cab sped off, I watched his perfect form saunter back towards the doorway before we rounded a corner and I could look no more. Shit. I would be thinking about that cocky bastard all night.

It didn't take long to get to my apartment, I handed the driver the fare before making my way upstairs. It was utterly silent inside, all the lights were off. Of course, my mom would be sleeping; it was almost five in the morning. I stumbled into my room, pulling my shoes and socks off as I went. Fuck, I was cold! I was just about to pull my jeans off when I caught my reflection in the mirror. Holy mother of god I looked like crap. My hair was a tangled mess of chestnut, my mascara and eyeliner was smeared and running, giving me panda eyes and of course my shirt was completely see-through. Perfect.

I peeled my shirt off followed by my bra, pants and underwear until I was standing completely naked in front of the mirror. I stared at myself, my creamy flesh, my pert pink nipples, the flatness of my stomach… I wondered what it would feel like to have Edward's hand's touch me right now, to have his lip's exploring my body hungrily… I tore my eyes away, finding something to sleep in before diving into my bed. Oh sweet Jesus how I had missed my bed! I was suddenly extremely exhausted, the nights events had left me feeling completely, totally and utterly spent.

I remembered my phone, groaning to myself. How could I have left it in some stupid club while running away from Jacob fucking Black? How stupid was I? I would have fun explaining that one to my mom, not that she would care anyway. She never paid me much attention, always too busy with some guy half her age.

I turned over, closing my eyes trying to block out the stabbing pain in my chest when I thought about the look on Jake's face when I had caught them together. He didn't look the slightest bit remorseful. There was no regret in his eyes, only the pleasure he was feeling while she blew him. Fucking slut.

Jacob and I had been together for three years, I thought I knew him. Thought I could trust him. We had practically grown up together his dad and mine were good friends and so we were thrown together. I was ten when we first kissed. It had been a stupid dare and as soon as it was done I forgot about it, Jake however did not. It wasn't until we were fourteen that anything else happened. We were at a party and it was the first time I had ever been drunk. It just seemed right at the time; we kissed all night and emerged as boyfriend and girlfriend that morning.

At first things had been great, simple. He used to be this sweet loving guy, he'd buy me cute things, leave me little notes. We would spend hours just talking, I knew him better than I knew myself. Then there was sex. The first time had been awful. I had only just turned fifteen and wasn't ready in many ways but we both wanted it and so our relationship changed. Things were good for a while but slowly I started losing the boy I'd fallen for. And eventually our physical relationship was all we had. Lately it seemed everything was about sex with him. I'd go over to hang out and he'd practically jump me as soon as I walked through his door. Maybe tonight had been a blessing in disguise. Our relationship had been over for a long time, I guess I just didn't want to admit it.

I tossed over again; I felt the sting of tears as realisation dawned on me. Jacob and I were over. As much of a bastard he was being lately, he was still _my _Jacob, the boy I had given my heart to all these years ago. The boy I had called my best friend for so long. I had tried endlessly to make us work. I put up with so much bullshit from him, tried desperately to make him happy but I guess we just weren't the same people as we used to be. Our hearts had drifted apart and as much as I was hurting right now, I also felt relieved. _I was free_. Free to be the person I wanted to be, to finally concentrate on me. The thought was slightly daunting yet completely exhilarating.

It was starting to lighten outside now, early morning rays drifting through my window casting a golden glow around the room. I yawned furiously, my mind beginning to grow numb, thoughts starting to filter away. A pair of brilliant green eyes floated before me for a moment before they were gone… but this was not to be the last time I thought about the boy in the doorway, my beautiful stranger.

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	2. Two

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.**

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**Vodka and Nicotine**

Chapter Two

_Intoxicated: adjective - Stupefied or excited by a chemical substance. _

The knocking in my head wouldn't stop and I was beginning to think I was going insane. My arms were flung out across the bed, my covers kicked around my ankles. I refused to open my eyes. My head felt as if it were going to explode as the knocking continued growing louder and much more frequent. Why wouldn't it stop? I grumbled irritably as I gave into it, where the fuck was my mom?

I stumbled to the front door throwing it open with a harsh scowl plastered on my face. My eyes widened when I saw the dark skinned boy before me. His big brown eyes stared back at me, a few strands of his long hair falling onto his face. He looked so sad and desperate I wanted so badly to throw my arms around him and kiss away the pain but I would not. Not after last night, not ever again.

"What?" I spat, a little shocked at how bitter I sounded but I brushed it off quickly, after the way he had treated me he deserved every bit of bitterness I could throw at him.

"Bella…" He sounded breathless, his eyes shinning with unshed tears. Shit, he really looked torn up…

"Jake, why did you come here?" The bitterness is gone now; all that is left is exhaustion.

"Baby, please… I was drunk, I wasn't thinking straight. I'm so sorry. Please, Bells you've got to forgive me." He took a step toward me, his dark orbs searching mine, looking for some form of redemption.

"You didn't look sorry last night; you looked like you were having the time of your fucking life. Why Jake? It's not like I don't put out enough, all we ever do is fuck. So why? WHY?" I all but screamed the last part at him, my anger bubbling furiously to the surface. I was shaking violently and wanted nothing more to smack him in his stupid fucking face.

"I… I don't know. It was the booze and she practically tore my fucking pants off, baby. You know I wouldn't… I've never done anything like this before, it was a mistake. A stupid mistake."

"Too fucking right it was a mistake! Jake I get drunk all the goddamn time; do you think guys don't try anything with me? Do you know what I do? I tell them to piss the fuck off!"

He grimaced as I spat the words at him, my voice was louder than it should be as I stood in the doorway in nothing but a shirt and a pair or lace shorts.

"Can I come in, can we talk about this?

"What is there to talk about?" I sighed but moved aside for him to enter regardless.

I walked back to my bedroom, my clothes from last night strewn across the floor chaotically, I didn't really care, this was tidy for me. I sat cross-legged on my bed unfazed by my lack of clothes; Jacob had seen me at my very best and my very worst. Jesus I probably still had mascara smeared across my face. I reached for my jeans, which were within my grasp from my current position. I quickly found what I was searching for. _Oh sweet, sweet nicotine come and take away my pain_. I took a well-needed drag ignoring Jacob as he wrinkled his nose in repulsion; he had always hated this particular habit of mine.

"Oh…" He pulled my beloved cell phone from his jacket pocket; I could have hugged him out of gratitude. "I found this last night."

"Thank you." I replied sincerely.

I had two messages one from my best friend Jasper and one from my mom. Jasper had asked how my night had gone, oh if only he knew, and my mom had informed me she was called into work and that I was to find my own dinner. No surprises there. She wasn't so much my mother but more like my annoying roommate.

I took another couple long drags of my cigarette, the familiar light-headedness beginning to descend. I was always able to smoke myself into a happy place. One more long drag and I was done. I stubbed the spent butt in the ashtray on my dresser. It was practically overflowing, I couldn't even remember the last time I had emptied it.

"I want to fix this, Bella. I love you."

I shook my head, unable to accept his words, how could he possible love me? How could anyone treat someone they loved with such little dignity? He had no regards for my feelings, if he had, he wouldn't have gone anywhere near that bitch and even then, when I _caught_ him he wouldn't have just stood there like nothing was happening.

"What? You don't want to?" He asked in confusion, he stared at me in disbelief.

"Quite frankly Jake I think you did us both a favour, we aren't right for each other. We haven't been in a long time." My voice broke as I fought back tears. No matter how determined I was, it didn't prevent the pain from washing over me.

Jacob had been my first boyfriend. My _only _boyfriend. He had been the boy I had shared my first kiss with, he was the only person I had let see me. Really see me, fully and wholly. I had shared everything with the boy before me. The good the bad and the ugly. He had been there to hold my hair back when I vomited after I had drank too much, he comforted me when my mom was too inconsiderate for words, he held me tightly when I cried from missing my dad so terribly. He was the one to pick me up when I fell apart… god when had _we _fallen apart? When had I stopped loving him? The realisation hit me like a tidal wave, I didn't love him anymore. That's when I let the tears fall, I was crying not for him or even myself but for the fourteen-year-old versions of ourselves, the ones who had entered into this relationship to begin with.

"Bella?" Jacob sighed, wrapping his big arms around me. "Shh, please don't cry." He rubbed soothing circles onto my back.

Jesus how many times had he done this for me, comforted me when I let my emotions run riot on me? Despite everything he had done lately I couldn't forget what a great person he was, what we had together… it wasn't something I could just forget. I sighed, leaning into his chest revelling in the warmth it held. I wished we had taken another road, ended up somewhere else, somewhere better but what was done was done and there was nothing I could do to change that now.

"I wish we could make this work, Jacob but I know it's over, I guess we both knew it, we've just been denying it."

I could feel him nod in agreement, his hands never ceasing they're movement.

"We can still be friends though, right?" I pulled back to look into his big brown eyes, tears blurring my vision.

"We'll always be friends Bella, baby. Nothing can stop that." He kissed my forehead, his lips feverishly hot.

I let my eyelids droop down, resting my head against his chest again. I would miss this, _had_ missed this. It seemed like forever since the last time we had just talked.

"You promise?" I mumbled into his shirt.

"I promise."

We sat for a while longer, my head resting against his chest, listening to the soft and steady beat of his heart and then he left. I sat motionless, not moving. My eyes stared straight ahead, for what seemed like forever. I was finally snapped from my stupor by the sound of Jasper, screaming my name. It was the ringtone he had recorded for when he called me; I stared dumbly at it for a moment before lifting it to my ear.

"Jaz?" My voice sounded foreign to my ears.

"Bella? Are you all right?" The words were laced with concern.

"Jake and I broke up."

"Shit, I'm so sorry, honey."

There was a long silence between us; Jasper knew that words sometimes held no meaning no matter how heartfelt they were. I loved this fact about him. He was blunt and honest but also the most compassionate person I had ever met.

"Shall I come over?" His words penetrated the silence.

"Please?"

"I'll be there soon."

I set my cell down on the bed beside me. I took a deep breath, running a hand through my dishevelled hair. I was still half-dressed, still had last nights make up smeared across my face. I probably looked like crap but I figured I was allowed to. It took Jasper fifteen minutes to get to my apartment, he hadn't bothered knocking, he never did.

"Hey, you." He smiled as he entered my room.

He was holding a bottle of vodka in one hand, a small gold box in the other. My two favourite things.

"You read my mind." I said, a small smile forming on my lips.

"I know you well."

He sat down heavily beside me, his hand came down to rest on my knee before opening the vodka and handing it to me. I took a long slug barely batting an eyelid as the familiar burn hit the back of my throat. There weren't many things I was good at but when it came to vodka, I was an expert. Being an expert at drinking something doesn't really get you anywhere in life but it was times like these that it came in handy. Getting shitfaced just wasn't the same when it took two hours and a bottle of coca-cola. I handed the bottle back to Jasper who knocked it back just as I had done.

We had been friends for two years now and out of those two years I would say at least ninety percent of it was spent getting drunk. He was hardcore and I mean hard fucking core, even more so than I. Jasper loved to party and when it came to partying no one did it quite like him. We had instantly clicked, having so much in common and he had introduced me to his world. To my surprise, I had fit right in and soon partying had become my favourite pastime.

After a few more gulps from the large glass bottle Jasper opened the box he had brought with him. In it were three large spliff's, all rolled perfectly, another of Jaspers many talents. He took one out, lighting it before taking a long, drawn out drag. He then handed it to me, holding the smoke in his lungs for a few seconds before exhaling slowly. I also took a hit, not quite able to hold it as long as he had but getting the job done nonetheless. Marijuana on its own was fucking fantastic but mix it with it a little tobacco and we had ourselves a winner.

I could feel the drug start to take effect after the second hit. My body started to relax and my mood lightened up almost instantly. Jasper grinned at me, pushing the vodka back into my hand. That was all the persuasion I needed, I take a long chug, choking as the clear liquid filled my mouth. The vodka spilt from the corner of my lips making me splutter and gasp, Jasper just laughed loudly his eyes half lidded as he blew circles of smoke.

"Sh'up dickwad." I mumbled as I caught my breath.

He grinned, handing me the spliff. We got another couple of hits each, by now I was as happy as a pig in muck. I took a swig from the bottle before I stumbled across the room to my ipod docking system. I turned it on clicking on 'shuffle'.

The well-known intro to 'smell's like teen spirit' by Nirvana blasted through the speakers sending me into a fit of hysteria. I jumped up and down like a mad woman, spilling vodka down my shirt and bare legs, Jasper chuckled at me from my bed as I began moving my body to the music. I ran my hands through my hair, down my breasts and my stomach as I let my body take over. Another of my favourite things was to dance. I don't mean some stupid ass fox trot or some shit like that, I mean really _dance_.

By the time we had finished off the vodka my body felt warm and light, Jasper and I lay side by side on my bedroom floor both of us far too out of it to form coherent sentences. The music was washing over me, drowning me in so many different sensations. I felt as if I were floating, each beat of the drum sending me higher and higher.

As I slowly floated back down to earth, my mind began to wander to the boy from last night, the one who had called me 'fine' as I got into the cab. I remembered how kissable his lips had looked, how his tight shirt had shown me the contours of his muscles. I imaged what he would look like naked, how he would feel inside me… I moaned throatily as I felt the blood rush to my groin, my hand automatically reached down.

"Don't you fucking dare get off next to me Isabella Swan." I heard Jasper say loudly.

I had forgotten he lay next to me; he had been quiet for a long time. I felt the blush creep onto my cheeks, quickly sitting up.

"Sorry." I replied sheepishly.

Jasper brought himself up onto his elbow staring at me curiously, he brushed his thumb over my lips smiling as I parted them ever so slightly.

"Who were you thinking about?" He asked, withdrawing his hand.

"Just some boy I met last night." I shrugged.

"You were moaning over 'just some boy'?" He shook his head slowly. "Nuh uh."

"Okay, a really fucking hot boy from last night." I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face.

"Hmm and here I was thinking you were all torn up about Jacob." He chuckled.

"I am!" I retorted in protest. "But he was _so hot,_ Jasper. Like way."

"Are you going to fuck him?" He asked nonchalantly.

"I didn't get his number." I sighed genuinely disappointed.

Jacob was the only boy I had ever been with but that didn't mean I wasn't experienced, Jake had liked sex and so had I. We had probably tried every position know to man and a few extras thrown in for good measure. If I ever saw that boy again, my god I would make it my goal in life to fuck his brains out.

"Bummer… speaking of fucking, I want you to meet someone tonight."

"You want me to meet one of your fuck buddies?" I raised an eyebrow at this.

"Not a fuck buddy, Bella. This girl's different."

I stared at him incredulously, was this Jasper who was speaking? That boy had probably slept with more girl's than Colin fucking Farrell and according to him; all of them were just as dull as each other. So who was this girl? She must be special.

"Now, there's something I never expected you to say."

He chuckled his piercing blue eyes staring straight into mine.

"Neither did I but when you meet this girl, you'll understand." He replied.

"I'm intrigued."

"You should be."


	3. Three

**I would like to thank **_**Dolphin4442 **_**my only reviewer, thank you so much for taking the time to tell me you were enjoying it so far, it make's me mucho happy.**

**Also thanks to those who have added this to their alerts or favourite's.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.**

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**Vodka and Nicotine**

Chapter Three

_Want: noun - The state of needing something that is absent or unavailable._

A strand of brown hair fell into his face, I smiled pushing it aside momentarily stunned by how good he looked right now. He had the most soulful piercing blue eyes set against pale white skin, his dark brown hair fell into his face on a regular basis but this only added to his beauty. He had a little bit of stubble, which at first had been a major source of amusement for me, but now I had grown to like it. I had come to realise it suited him much more than being clean-shaven. I had never thought of him in a sexual way at all throughout our friendship, it wasn't that he wasn't impossibly handsome but that I loved him like a brother and even if I could fathom Jasper and I 'doing stuff' together our friendship was far too important to both of us to fuck it up.

We were in Jasper's room now, he had just finished getting ready and was dressed in a white button down shirt, the first few buttons had been left undone exposing a little of his skin, with this he wore a pair of dark jeans and a pair of black slip on vans. I was dressed in a skinny black Red Hot Chilli Peppers shirt and a pair of denim hot pants with my favourite pair of chuck's. I wore only mascara and eyeliner, I never bothered with foundation or any other make-up, my skin was perfect the way it was.

It was a little after nine o'clock. After the marijuana had worn off Jasper and I had just hung out talking about random shit then we had come over here to play his xbox. We were just about to head out to one of our favourite clubs downtown. It was called Cellar Door and it was fucking ace. They played the best music, served the best drinks and had the greatest people. Of course, neither of us were legally old enough to be there but we both had been using fake ID's for years and most of the bouncers knew us so it wasn't a problem. We were going to meet Jasper's latest fuck buddy, although he had assured me she was much more than that, I didn't quite know if I believe him but I was curious all the same.

I hadn't brought my car, I wasn't stupid enough to drive after drinking and smoking pot but even if I was that dumb I wouldn't do anything to harm my precious car. She was a black 1967 Chevy Impala and was pretty much the joy of my life. It had been my dad's and after I had learned to drive it had become mine. I had fallen in love with it over the years my dad had it in his procession and now that he was gone, it just made it all the more important to me. Nobody and I mean nobody was allowed to touch her, let along drive her!

"Ready?" Jasper asked, grabbing his keys and phone.

"You bet." I replied.

Jasper called the cab and we were on our way in no time. We chattered away during the short drive over, I tried to pry some information out of him about the girl we were going to meet but so far, I had nothing. He hadn't even told me her name. He just smirked when I punched his arm lightly.

"Jasper!" I moaned.

"Just wait, we're almost there."

I rolled my eyes, settling back into my seat, arms across my chest in mock annoyance. We pulled up to the curb and although it was only half past nine, it already looked busy. Jasper paid for the cab as I got out, making my way over to the door. There were a few people standing outside smoking, some just chatting to one another away from the loud music blaring inside.

I walked up to the bouncer, he wasn't large per se but he was well built and could definitely handle himself in a brawl. I knew him well he was a great guy and always made sure everyone got home okay when they were otherwise incapacitated. He had helped me out many times.

"Hey Cody." I greeted him with a hug and he smiled back at me brightly.

"Alright, Bella, Jasper." He greeted us both before moving aside to let us enter. "Have a good night."

I had butterflies as I walked down the stairs that led to the club, the music was so loud the walls around us were vibrating, the air was warm and I could smell alcohol and sweat. Most people would think it revolting but I loved it. The atmosphere was mind blowing and I wasn't even inside yet!

The room wasn't too crowded, it was still early but by midnight, I knew the place would be packed. It was decorated in black and silvers, the bar was on the far left a few secluded booths on the back wall, the dance floor took up most of the space, that's what I loved most about the place. We headed for the bar, I ordered a JD and coke and Jasper got a bottle of beer.

"Is she here yet?" I shouted above the roar of music.

He shook his head in reply taking a swig of his beer.

"She said they'll be half an hour." He said into my ear.

"They?"

"Her brother's coming too."

I nodded taking a sip of my drink, we hung out at the bar, a great song would occasionally come on and I'd drag Japer over to the dance floor. We were currently dancing to Passive by A Perfect Circle, the room was beginning to fill up now and the dance floor was getting crowded. I was mouthing the lyrics to Jasper as we danced face to face close to one another. As the song finished and a song by Brand New came on the room exploded into dancing bodies, limbs moved flawlessly and freely. A small girl with messy jet-black hair appeared out of the crowd tapping Jasper on the shoulder. His face lit up immediately as he pulled her to him, kissing her gently before turning to me.

"Bella, this is Alice." He introduced, a huge grin plastered on his face.

"Hey." I smiled offering her a small wave.

"Alice this is Bella." Jasper told her.

"Hey, Jasper's told me so much about you."

"Not all bad I hope." I grinned.

She smiled as Jasper put his arm around her, bringing them close together. They started to dance slowly, her hips swaying from side to side, his hands resting gently on them. They got lost in one another's eyes and I suddenly feel extremely uncomfortable. I headed for the bar. Jasper had never looked at a girl like that before, she must be special. Very special. Why did he have to go and find the girl of his dreams when I had just lost the boy of mine? Not that Jake was ever the boy of my dreams, but he was important to me.

I ordered a tequila, knocking it back in one fluid motion, it burned the back of my throat, making my eyes water. They were still dancing making me feel a stab of something I wasn't all too familiar with, was it jealousy? Why would I be jealous? Jasper was my best friend not my boyfriend. I was happy for him, really I was. Or at least that's what I was telling myself.

I bought a second and then a third shot, drinking them just as easily as the first. I was beginning to feel a little dizzy. After this mornings vodka binge I really shouldn't be indulging in any more alcohol but at this particular moment in time, I really didn't care. I barely noticed as someone sat on the stool next to mine, too preoccupied by my increasingly depressing mood. I felt a tap on my shoulder, it was probably some disgusting guy wanting to feel me up, I couldn't even bring myself to look up to check.

"Piss off." I slurred, my eyes glued to the empty shot glass in front of me.

"Well that's a bit rude." A velvety smooth voice replied.

I recognise his voice, how could I forget such beautifully formed words? I looked up startled and he was right in front of me. Those brilliant emerald eyes, those wonderfully full lips, which were now curled up into a smile. I felt myself grow hot as I blushed furiously at how fucking demented I was, why the hell had I told him to piss off? Shit this boy was hot, I wanted to jump him right here, right now but I refrained from doing so.

"You look tired." He told me, studying the dark circles under my eyes.

Of course I looked tired, I hadn't got home until late and then had been woken up at god knows what time to Jacob banging on my door.

"Shit I must look bad." I laughed, not out of amusement but to try to hide behind it, to cover up how venerable his words make me feel.

"No, not bad. Just tired." He sounded sincere and I felt a smile ghost my lips.

What a stoke of luck it was that my beautiful stranger turned up at the club I happed to be in and found me sitting alone at the bar. An old Chiodos song comes on and I couldn't help scanning the dance floor for Jasper, I couldn't see him and a stab of annoyance bit into me. This was totally our song and he was nowhere to be found.

"I love this song." I saaid, almost to myself.

"Would you like to dance?" His eyes stare into mine, his pupils wide and I find myself beginning to think I could fall for him.

I nod in response to his question and he takes my small, delicate hand in his own rather large one, well you know what they say about men with large hands… I felt butterflies start to dance in my stomach as he led me towards the dance floor.

Our bodies were pressed up against one another as we joined the crowd of people swaying their bodies in time to the music. We were close enough that I could smell his cologne; it wasn't overpowering but strong enough to make an impact. His hands were on the small of my back as we moved simultaneously to the beat of the song. His hands slowly begin to move farther south, coming to rest on my butt, I brought my head up to look at him; he towered over my petite frame with a look of pure lust in his eyes. He looked so unbelievably irresistible and I bit my lip trying to suppress my want for him, I could feel the heat pool between my thighs as my body began to protest with my mind. His lips were curled in a cocky grin; he knew I wanted him, which only made me want him more.

"Edward!"

We both looked round to see Alice fast approaching, Jasper not far behind with a knowing look on his face. Edward pulled away from me, much to my disappointment, as Alice threw herself into his arms. Jealously crashed into me, oh how I wish it were me in those strong muscular arms.

"Jasper this is my brother, Edward." She introduced them before turning to Edward and I. "How do you two know each other?"

"We just met last night; Bella had lost her phone so I was kind enough to call her a cab." He explained to the dark haired girl.

"Wow, what a small world." Alice replied. She began to say something to Edward that I couldn't make out.

Jasper took the opportunity to lean in and whisper into my ear, loud enough so as I could hear over the music but soft enough that neither Edward nor Alice could hear.

"So this is the guy you want to fuck?" He pulled back, smirking before asking Alice to the bar.

I could have punched that boy straight in the face! He was a great friend but my god could he be annoying, at least he had left Edward and I alone… that was a plus.

I looked over to Edward who was focusing his attention on me, he leaned in close just as Jasper had done only moments ago, I could feel the soft skin of his chin on my cheek as he began to speak.

"Would you like to go outside for a nicotine fix?"

His voice sent shivers down my spine, how is it possible for just words to have such an effect on my body? It was insane. The only response I can provide him with was a small nod of my head; I didn't think I was capable of words just yet.

I followed him up the stairs, the whole while my eyes were glued to his backside and a particularly yummy backside it was. As we reached the top the cool night air blew over my balmy skin bringing with it unexpected relief. I hadn't noticed just how hot it had been in there until now.

He took out his cigarettes wordlessly, Camels. I watched as he put the tip in his mouth, bringing his lighter up to the end until it lit. He closed his eyes as he took his first drag then exhaled the smoke slowly from his nose, I hadn't really been watching the last time but Edward was definitely a sexy smoker. There were those who looked awkward while smoking, some who looked in pain and other who looked down right stupid but Edward was one of those lucky few who looked alluring and undeniably arousing. He caught me staring and I couldn't hide the pink that stained my cheeks as I tore my eyes from his face. I fumbled for my own cigarettes as an excuse to avoid his stare, two drags later and I could still feel his emerald eyes on me. I braved a glance in his direction almost melting when I saw the bemused expression on his face.

He was watching me just as I had watched him, his eyes trained on my face as I drew smoke into my lungs,. Our eyes met and for a moment I felt like time had stopped and there was no one else, nothing else, except for him and then he looked away and time started again and my breathing began again. I hadn't even realised that it had stopped.

"Bella?" He spoke my name softly in his deliciously devastating voice.

"Yes?" I practically squeaked.

It felt as though my legs were made of jelly, he was looking at me again making my heart pound faster and louder than it ever had before. With one look, this boy was turning my world upside down.

"My parents are out of town this weekend; I'm having a party if you feel like coming..." He took another deep drag of the white stick nestled between his fingers before continuing to speak. "Alice already said Jasper was going."

I nodded with a grin, I didn't have any plans now that Jake and I weren't together anymore, usually I would spend Friday night at his place then we'd hang out on Saturday. I imagined going to a party would be much more entertaining than spending it alone in my room.

"Sure, I'd love to." I said with a tad too much enthusiasm; it didn't seem to bother him though, he just chuckled before finishing his cigarette, stubbing it in the small ashtray mounted to the wall.

"Did you ever find your phone?"

I nodded again, pulling it from my pocket so he could see. He took it from my hand without a word, punching a sequence of keys quickly with his nimble fingers before handing it back to me. I raised an eyebrow in question to his actions. He grinned the same cocky smile from last night, the one he had given me right before I had got in the cab.

"Sorry, Bella but I have to leave now…" He started to walk towards the road, his hand held out to a passing cab that slowly pulled to a halt in front of him. "I'll call you."

I stared at him in totally confusion as he began to get into the backseat, how could he call me? I hadn't even given him my number. The cab pulled away speeding off into the distance, I stared after it for the longest time still not quite sure what had just happened but somehow sure all of it had been good, his parting words ringing in my ears.

_I'll call you._


	4. Four

****

I am so sorry for the terribly long wait for this chapter. I didn't expect it to take over a month. To start I have a lot going on at work just now as well as personally on top of that this chapter was intent on making it as difficult as possible for me to write. I started, got 1000 words in and then changed my mind so I had to start from scratch again. This is a LONG chapter, hopefully that makes up for the wait but it's not my best. I could sit for another month chopping and changing parts but I'm afraid it would drive me insane so I shall post it how it is. I haven't wrote a chapter like this in a very long time so I apologise if it sucks.

Anyway here it is.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.**

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**Vodka and Nicotine**

Chapter Four

_Commencement: noun - The act of starting something._

"Stop screaming at me!"

"Don't talk to me like that, Bella, I'm your mother!"

"My mother?" I scoffed. "You're not my mother. You haven't been my mother since dad died."

"Don't you dare bring your father into this!"

"Why the fuck not? Why can't I talk about him? Why must I pretend he never existed so you can fuck any man that crosses your path?"

The look of shock on her face did nothing to stir up any feelings of guilt; she deserved everything I threw at her. She deserved it all and more.

"How dare you."

"GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" I screamed, rage over coming me. I couldn't stand looking at her, couldn't bear being in the same room as her.

She stared blankly, not making any effort to leave. Just as I was about to physically remove her from my presence my cell began to ring, I grabbed it from my bedside table, glad for the distraction. I was beginning to loose my patience with Renée

"Hello?" I turned my back to my mother, hoping she would take a hint and leave.

"Bella? It's Edward."

His voice was even sexier than I remembered.

"Hi." I replied sheepishly.

"Bella, don't turn your back to me, I'm talking to you." My mother interrupted.

"Shut up, I'm on the phone." I turned to glare at her; again, she made no attempt to leave.

"I SAID NOT TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!" She shouted, her face turning red.

"AND I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM BITCH!"

"That's it. I've had it with you; I can't live like this anymore. You're the biggest mistake I ever made, things are going to change, Bella." She said, her voice icy cold, she turned on her heel and slammed the door with a loud bang.

I sighed at her little outburst, it wasn't the first time we had fought like this, it just seemed to be happening more and more often.

"Bella?" Edward asked, I only just noticed I still had the phone pressed to my ear.

"Sorry, how are you?"

"I'm fine, is everything alright?" His voice was causing my heart to race.

"Yeah, everything's fine," I smiled, pleased that he seemed concerned about me. "So, how _did _you get my number, did Jasper give it to you?" I asked curiously.

"No," He laughed smoothly, the sound gave me butterflies. "I have a very good memory; I just checked it from your phone."

"Oh," I hadn't thought of that. "So that's what you were doing." A small smile was creeping onto my face.

"Are you still up for my party tomorrow night?"

"Of course, I'm looking forward to it."

"Good," He produced another effortless laugh. "Jasper will be here, He and Alice seem to be joined at the hip… you could come together? He knows the details."

"Yeah, that sounds like a plan. I'll give him a call."

"Alright, I'll look forward to seeing you tomorrow night then."

My heart seemed to stop in my chest. He was looking forward to seeing me? He wanted to see me? The prospect seemed preposterous to me, how could such a beautiful boy like a girl like me?

"I'll look forward to seeing you too." The words were out before I could stop myself; I held my breath waiting for his reaction.

"Goodbye, Bella."

"Bye."

The phone went dead and I all but collapsed on my bed, the thought of seeing him tomorrow excited me more than it should. After all, he was just some guy who'd called me a cab. I shouldn't be this… obsessed with him.

I quickly dialled Jasper's number, my heart still beating too quickly, not yet having recovered from hearing Edward's velvet voice.

"Hey pretty lady." Jasper answered after only one ring.

"Edward just called me." I gushed unable to keep the hysteria from my voice.

"You are so into him!" He accused, rightly so.

"God… Jaz, it's like I'm addicted to him or something, just hearing his voice… urgh!"

"You gonna make a move?"

"I don't know… what if he doesn't like me?" I bit my lip, absentmindedly twirling a strand of my chestnut hair.

"He like's you." His voice was strong and confident.

"How do you know?"

"Because I'm dating his sister. Silly Bella. Trust me on this. He like's you."

My heart began its erratic beating once more. Even with Jasper, whom I knew would never lie to me, telling me so; I still couldn't quite fathom it.

"I don't know…"

"Bella, you're so delusional it's unreal. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror? Seriously, you're beautiful, beyond beautiful. There isn't a boy on the entire planet who wouldn't like you."

I blushed furiously at his words. Jasper had told me, often, that I was beautiful but no mater how much he said it I wouldn't let myself believe it. I was plain, simple. There was nothing beautiful about me. Sure I wasn't ugly, but beautiful wasn't a word I would use to describe myself.

"Sure, whatever. Anyway, do you want to go together?"

"Yeah, you want me to call a cab?" He asked.

"Sure. When's everyone else turning up?"

"Eight, I'll have it get me first then swing by to pick you up."

"Sure, sounds cool." I replied

"Kay, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"See you tomorrow."

I collapsed back onto my bed grinning like a maniac, I didn't know how I was going to make it until eight tomorrow night, I felt like I was going to explode.

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The horn beeped signalling the cabs arrival. I couldn't believe how nervous I was, my hands were shaking and my legs felt like jelly, god how I wished I had started drinking three hours ago, it would make this process a helluva lot easier. I double-checked I had everything I needed before locking the front door and dashing downstairs faster than I thought possible.

Jasper sat alone in the backseat, he wore a simple teal button down shirt and a pair of black jeans but it didn't matter how simple he dressed he still looked wonderful anyway. Jasper was one of those guys who could have looked hot in a bin bag; he could pull practically anything off and believed me he had tried!

I smiled as I slid in beside him, slamming the door behind myself. My mind was all over the place, trying to imagine what tonight would be like, what Edward would be wearing, what we would say to each other; if anything at all.

"Isabella, you look scared half to death." He chuckled in amusement, patting my leg affectionately.

"I do not." I grumbled playing with the hem of my shirt.

I had put way to much effort into my outfit tonight. It had taken me hours to get ready, I showered and then agonised over my hair for what felt like an eternity, my make-up, which normal took me all of thirty seconds took exceptionally longer and this was all before I got dressed. I had finally settled for a pair of navy blue skinny jeans and a cute black shirt that clipped into place at the front and showed off a lot of cleavage. I had decided to chance a pair of black heels, I rarely wore anything that hurt my feet but the added height would definitely make them worth it, plus they looked pretty awesome.

"Relax, sugar," Jasper smiled, taking my hand in his. "It'll be great."

I smiled in return, grateful for his attempt to calm me down. I took a deep breath letting my eyes slip closed for the remainder of the short drive. When we got there, Jasper paid, again, much to my disproval. He said I could pay on the way back before dragging me from the cab.

I recognised the place from my brief encounter last week. Jasper pulled me to the door, pressing a button on the intercom. It took a moment before someone buzzed us in without answering. I guess it was an open party. The lobby was huge, extravagant. Either Edward's parents were extremely rich or Jasper had got the address wrong.

We got into the elevator, Jasper pressing the button for the fourth floor. He hummed softy beside me, my hand still enclosed by his whether for comfort, a means of dragging me along with him or to stop me from running away screaming, I wasn't quite sure. The bell rang loudly and the doors slid open, signalling we had arrived at the correct floor. I could hear music in the distance as we stepped out into the long, magnolia corridor.

We got to a thick, mahogany door, the numbers four-nineteen and then the name Cullen adorned the door in shinny brass. I took one last shaky breath before Jasper pressed the doorbell, we could probably have walked right in and I wished we had but Jasper had other ideas.

The door was pulled open and standing there, right in front of me was Edward. He looked magnificent. He wore a dark grey button down shirt and a pair of dark pants, the top few buttons on his shirt had been left open exposing an expanse of creamy white flesh. He smiled broadly when he saw us, moving out of the way for us to enter.

The place was crowded, far more crowded than I had anticipated. The room was large, as far as I could tell, as I looked straight across to the wall directly in front of me I was surprised to see the entirety was made from glass. It was dark outside and the lights inside were bright and so the room was being reflected back at me as though through a giant mirror. I could see myself clearly, starring back vacantly through the crowd of people. As I continued to stare a figure came to stand beside me, as soon as I realised it was Edward I spun around far too fast, losing my footing in my ridiculous shoes, so much for looking awesome. I didn't have a chance to tumble to the floor as he caught me gracefully in his strong arms, pulling me close to his body.

"You should be more careful." He grinned, his face mere inches from mine.

"I… I should. You're right." I answered back breathlessly.

His body was warm against mine, his chest felt firm and well toned just as I had guessed. He stared at me, his soulful green eyes piercing me as they stared into mine. I felt dizzy, being so close to him like this.

"Edward…" My voice was barley audible over the blare of the music and the loud chatter around us.

"Hey, Edward!"

We both looked up, surprised, to see a very tall, well-built boy standing over us with a huge grin on his face. He had messy, curly brown hair and big baby blue eyes. He just stared at us; oblivious to the sexual tension emanating off both off us is waves. Edward carefully placed me back on my feet.

"What's up Emmett?" He asked, he look as disappointed as I felt.

"Who's your friend?" He asked, unashamedly staring at me with the same huge grin plastered on his face.

Edward sighed, running a hand through his already messy, bronze hair.

"Emmett, this is Bella. Bella this is Emmett." He gestured between the two of us as means of an introduction.

"Nice to meet you, Bella." He said brightly sticking out his hand; his huge grin grew even wider, if that was at all possible.

"And you." I replied, taking it.

He had the largest hands I had ever seen, and his skin was so soft! He gripped my own petite one carefully shaking twice before letting go.

"Can I borrow you for a minute Edward?" Emmett asked.

"Sure." Edward sighed, giving me an apologetic smile before they left, disappearing into the crowd.

I still felt dizzy, my head swimming with the implications of what just happened, how close he had been… the look in his eyes…

"Hi."

I turned to see Alice, Edwards's pixie like sister, standing right in front of me.

"Oh, Hi." I smiled sheepishly. I had almost forgotten she lived here.

"I'm glad you could make it, Bella." She smiled pleasantly.

"I am too." I grinned in return, glancing around the room quickly to see if I could spot Jasper.

"He went to the bathroom." She said, answering the question I hadn't asked.

"Oh."

"Would you like to go get a drink?"

"I'd loved to."

I followed her silently to the kitchen where the alcohol was located. It was huge, as I had expected it to be. It was all shiny metal and smooth granite, very modern and very expensive looking. Alice quickly fixed herself a cocktail while I opted for my usual. Vodka. Straight. No ice.

"Nice." She commented, taking a sip of her fruity concoction.

I just grinned, taking a gulp of the clear liquid. Really, Vodka was the only alcohol I enjoyed. Sure, I could drink everything else, it was bearable, but with vodka, I liked the taste just as much as the effect it had on me.

"So…" I leaned back on one of the counters, there were around ten other people crowded around in here, I tried to speak loud enough so that she would hear me. "You and Jasper seem to be going great."

"Yeah. We are… he's like no other guy I've been with… it's like, he looks at me, and I'm all there is. I'm all that matters." Her eyes glazed over, a faraway look crossing her face.

I felt a swell of pride. In all the time I had known Jasper, he had not once had a girlfriend. He had been with many girls but he didn't really care about any of them, for him it was all about the sex, just fun, nothing serious. And now out of the blue he breaks all the rules, all of his rules, for this girl. I was so happy that he had finally found someone he could be with.

"I'm so happy for you both. Jasper's a really great guy."

She smiled.

"Thank you Bella, that means a lot. I know how close you two are."

We went back out into the living room, weaving our way through the mass of people surrounding us. It didn't take long to spot Jasper leaning against a wall, a bottle of beer in his hand.

"Hey girl's." He grinned as we approached, taking Alice in his arms as soon as she was close enough.

They looked at each other, as if for the first time. Eyes wide, lips slightly agape. He bent his head, kissing her cheek tenderly before looking to me.

"Having fun, Bella?"

"Sure." I smiled, my eyes taking in the way he held her waist, pulling her close to him but not in a possessive way.

Alice whispered something into Jasper's ear, his face lit up instantly before letting out a small chuckle. He looked up at me before back to Alice.

"Will you be okay on your own, Bella?" He asked softly.

Oh so that's how it was going to be! Jasper was going to bail on me so he could go fuck his girlfriend. Typical. Well, at least it was his girlfriend this time.

"I'll be fine, Jaz. Don't worry about me."

He nodded quickly before pulling Alice off down the hall, I presumed to her room.

Sighing, I knocked back the rest off my drink making my way slowly back to the kitchen for a refill. I poured vodka right up to the very top of my glass, it was dangerously close to overflowing and so I leaned down placing my lips over the rim, slurping the excess noisily to make it easier to carry.

Back in the living room, the music was blaring loudly and it seemed it had become even more crowded in the short time I was gone. People were dancing close to one another, their bodies swaying in time to the music. I walked out into the middle of the large room, the most crowded part, and began to sway my hips along with everyone else. It wasn't a song I recognised but it wasn't half-bad and I found myself listening intently to the lyrics as well as rhythm of the drums.

I let the music take control of me, as I always did, surrendering my limbs to the heavy sound of the drums, the strong strum of guitar strings and the steady scream of the vocalist. It was the greatest feeling in the world, losing control. I didn't have to think about anything, didn't have to concentrate; I just let my body do what came naturally.

The vodka was gone from my glass now, my body was warm and buzzing as the alcohol coursed through my veins. My hands shock slightly telling me it was time for a nicotine fix. No one else seemed to be smoking inside so I decided it best to head outside, not wanting to be rude.

I took the elevator down to the ground floor, pulling my cigarettes from my pocket when I got to the door. I popped one in my mouth, bringing the flame of my zippo up to light it. I almost screamed when I looked up to see I wasn't alone, as I had thought.

Edward was leaning lazily against the wall, his own white stick dangling from his oh so luscious lips. He looked at me with amusement as I jumped from fright.

"Déjà vu" He chuckled.

Indeed this was how we had first met, on this very doorstep, only a week ago. I noticed how his chest shook with laughter, how his lips clung to his cigarette as they turned upwards into a smile, how again we were so very close.

I grinned back at him, taking a much-needed drag of my cigarette. I sighed softly as the nicotine began to take effect almost instantly eliminating the shaking only to make the buzzing sensation that little bit stronger.

"I was wondering when I would see you again tonight." His voice was soft, barely disturbing the serene silence around us.

"Missing my clumsiness already?" I replied, my grin widening at my own words.

"It's not quite your clumsiness I'm missing." He chuckled again, turning my legs to jelly.

"Well then, what is it you're missing?" My voice was little more than a whisper; I could hear the slight shake to my words but hoped he hadn't.

He looked at me then, his emerald eyes shinning in the dim light. The way he was looking at me right now, the sudden urgency his eyes conveyed to me… it made my breath catch in my throat, waiting for him to say something, anything.

Words however were not needed.

He dropped his cigarette to the floor, taking a step towards me to close the distance between us. I didn't have any time to react before his lips were crashing into mine, his hands shoving me back into the wall. His lips moved quickly and impatiently against mine, his warm breath blowing into my mouth as I parted my lips. His hands moved down my bare arms sending shivers down my entire body before coming to rest on my hips, holding me into place, as if I was going to move!

His tongue took my parted lips as an invitation, delving into the warm, wet hollow with enough passion to make my legs suddenly give way. He held me up effortlessly, his tongue relentlessly fucking my mouth; sending all of my blood down to pool between my legs. I kissed him back feverously, my hands reaching up to run through his hair, my cigarette long forgotten at my feet.

My heart was beating far too loudly in my chest; it could still be heard over both of our sharp intakes of breath. I would have been embarrassed had I not been so totally and utterly hot for him.

I lifted my leg, bringing it up to his waist as I unashamedly hungered for the friction it would bring. I wasn't disappointed. I felt his hardness ground into me, sending little jolts of pleasure to my southern regions. He groaned into my mouth, pushing himself against me forcefully. The friction was dizzying, my mind was spinning, whirling, trying to make sense of what was going on. I had never been so horny in my entire life. Had never wanted someone as much as I wanted him right now.

"Edward…" I gasped desperately.

My grip on his shoulders was so tight I was sure it would leave a mark, I clung to him as though my life depended on it, fearing if I let go standing wouldn't be much of a possibility for me.

"You don't know how long I've waited for this. I wanted you from the second I laid eyes on you." He whispered, panting heavily.

"Upstairs?" I asked breathlessly as he placed long, wet kisses down my neck and collarbone.

He lifted me within seconds of the words leaving my mouth, walking hastily towards the elevator. My legs were wrapped tightly around his waist, my arms clutched around his neck. My weight didn't seem to be any burden to him as he hurried into the compartment. I was pushed up against the wall once more, his lips more eager on my neck, his tongue slid down my chest and he began sucking hungrily on my exposed cleavage.

As soon as the elevator doors slid open, he set me back down on my feet, much to my disappointment. Instead he grabbed my hand, pulling me towards his apartment and then through the crowed down towards his room. I barely had time to take in my surrounding before he had the door locked and was back in front of me, a lop sided smile on his face.

I took a deep breath as he watched me with wide eyes, making no move to continue his assault of kisses. His lips were red and swollen, his hair even more dishevelled than usual. He was _breathtaking_.

I bit my lip, desperate to feel him against me, to touch him, to kiss him… why was he looking at me like that?

"Edward?" I asked uncertainly.

"I'm looking." He said smiling through his words before chuckling at the expression on my face.

"Alright…" I said slowly.

He chuckled once more and then took me by surprise as he pushed me back onto his bed, my legs connected with the edge forcing me backwards, and down. I fell, pulling Edward down on top of me. His lips found mine; pulling me into a bruising kiss as his hands went down to unfasten my shirt. I kicked my shoes off, glad to be rid of them, Edward did the same.

My breathing was so loud and uneven now that I feared I might hyperventilate, I couldn't seem to draw enough oxygen into my lungs, every breath was a gasp.

Edward removed my shirt, tossing it carelessly on the floor, his lips instantly on the newly exposed flesh. His mouth was hot as he trailed kisses down my breasts to my stomach. His nimble fingers unbuttoned my jeans before pulling them off and tossing them next to my shirt. My chest rose and fell quickly; my eyes were glued to his as I took in the look of pure lust on his face. I was baffled as to how anyone could possibly look at me the way he was now.

He placed chaste kisses along my jaw line, my chin, my cheeks and then finally stopped on my lips; all the while his hands exploring every inch of my body. I gasped in pleasure as two fingers stroked me through my pants, I arched up into his touch, craving more of the wonderful feeling it bought me.

"Edward…" I groaned unable to contain the word.

He smiled, smugly. As though the whole point of his movements was to elicit this exact reaction from me. I didn't care, he could have whatever reaction he wanted just as long as he continued to touch me the way he was doing so.

Once more, his mouth enveloped mine, his hand rubbing me painfully slowly through my underwear, the other snaking around my back to unclasp my bra. I was impressed when he managed to undo it first time; he must have a lot of practice.

He pinched my nipple firmly between his thumb and index finger, rolling it between them until it was hard. His lips moved down to graze his teeth against the sensitive skin eliciting another sharp gasp from me. I bit my lip, hard, trying to quiet the groans growing in my throat. He grinned, once more, at the reaction he had got from me.

I reached forward, tugging feebly at his shirt; it didn't seem fair that I was the only one naked here; my lips were aching to be pressed against his concealed skin. My pathetic attempt was enough to persuade him and he quickly unbuttoned his shirt, discarding it to the floor. My lips found their target the second his shirt was gone, I trailed slow, careful kisses down his chest. His skin was so incredibly soft and I found myself wondering if he moisturised. I chuckled softly to myself, letting my tongue trail leisurely down to his navel, dipping inside to swirl around the shallow pit.

Edward hooked his finger under my chin bringing my face up to his, our mouths hung open, our breath mingling in the air between us. He kissed me softly, just a ghost of a kiss, so softly, so tenderly that I pulled back warily, surveying his expression for some clue as to what had just happened. Why the sudden change in pace? His face gave away nothing and in moments, his lips were crushing against mine with more force that before.

I undid his jeans with haste; I was desperate to just get to the point, to feel him inside of me. To hell with foreplay, I was just about ready to burst and from the huge bulge in Edward's underwear, I'd say he was too. Once his underwear was gone, his erection was freed and as far as erections went his was huge. I didn't have a lot to compare it to, Jake was the only guy I'd ever been with and I had thought him pretty well endowed, but Edward… well let's just say the very sight of him made me extremely wet. I pushed my own underwear off, pressing myself into him; our naked bodies were flush against each other, his cock sandwiched between out stomachs.

I kissed him intently, my tongue tangling with his. We both tasted like smoke with a faint undertone of vodka. Mmm vodka and nicotine, my favourite combination.

"Edward," I groaned. "Fuck me."

It looked as though he was struggling to control himself at my words, his eyes rolled back into his head and his mouth fell open in a breathy groan.

"Your wish," he ground out pushing me flat onto the bed.

He moved over me, his manhood hovering just over my entrance as he stared down at me through half lidded eyes. _This boy would be the end of me_. He pushed into me roughly, his eyes screwing closed, my moan of pleasure piercing the quiet room. He opened his eyes a small smile playing on his lips.

"My command."

Hard and fast. The only two words that could possibly describe the unbelievably fantastic pace Edward had set. He pushed in harshly, all the way to the hilt and then eased out only to slam straight back in again. I was so sure my moans were loud enough to attract the attention of the ongoing party just down the hall, but no one seemed to notice and if they did, they never interrupted.

Our tongues fought for control in a duel of deliciousness, however I was constantly breaking the kiss, gasping for breath as the pleasure built and built, threatening to spill over at any second.

Edward gripped both my wrists in one strong hand, pinning my arms in place over my head, his lips would alternate between my lips to my neck finishing at my breasts and then he would start over again.

Both our bodies were slick with sweat, I watched as a tiny bead made its way down Edward's forehead to his cheek, his chin and then drop silently to my nipple. His eyes were closed now and I could tell he was just as close as I was. My stomach tightened, Edward's thrusts grew more desperate and then, as his lips met mine one last time, I came, harder and longer than ever before. Edward thrust into me twice more before he groaned his release, his warm seamen spilling into me, filling me.

"Shit." He gasped pulling out only to collapse next to me, totally spent.

"Great party." I grinned, still breathless.

"Fucking awesome party." He grinned back.

"We should do it again, sometime."

"Definitely."

If only we knew.

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	5. Five

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Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.

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**Vodka and Nicotine**

Chapter Five

_Electricity: noun - A keen and shared excitement._

I sang along heartily to Paramore, as I made my way back to my room with a bowl full of cereal. My mom was working again today, who worked on a Sunday? She had told me to get my own dinner and said she wouldn't be home tonight. Of course, this meant she was off fucking some guy young enough to be her son but I really couldn't bring myself to care. At least it got her out of the house, and out of my face. I hadn't bothered to dress; I didn't have any plans for the rest of the day anyway.

It was Sunday and the last day of the summer holidays, tomorrow was the first day of term which was enough to have me groaning in dread the entire morning. I hated high school. I hated classes, I hated the teacher and most of all I hated the students. The only people who I could actually stand were Jasper and Jacob and of course, I severely doubted Jake and me would be hanging out much at school. This meant that now my only ally would be Jasper. Not that Jasper wasn't a great ally; it just felt like such a small list…

I was pulled from my line of thought by the familiar sound of Jasper screaming my name, I smiled to myself remembering the day he had decided to record himself to set as my ringtone for whenever he called, I thought my sides would split from the amount of laughing I was doing.

"Hey Jaz, did you have fun last night?"

"Hey sugar. I did," I could hear the smile through his words. "Sorry for disappearing on you like that, Alice is very good at distracting me… at least you got to pay for the cab yourself." He chuckled and I joined him.

"Yeah, that made my night. I take it you stayed at hers? I looked for you…"

"Yeah, it was late and I thought you'd probably already left, I would have called…"

"Don't worry about it Jasper, I'm just glad you're happy." And I was.

"Thanks Bella, how was your night? Did you see much of Edward?"

I took in a long breath and began to explain last night's events to him. After Edward and I had hooked up we went back to the party, after all Edward was the host and with Alice hiding away with Jasper someone had to make sure things didn't get too out of hand. Edward played host, mingling with his guests, while I drank vodka and danced until my feet were screaming in protest. We both stole furtive glances across the crowded room for the rest of the night and when it was time for me to leave he called me a cab, walked me downstairs then kissed me on the cheek before sending me on my way.

"Way to go, you slut!" He cheered when I had finished.

I giggled like an idiot, slopping my cereal down my face, which only made me giggle louder.

"Aw you're not innocent anymore, Bella."

"Jasper, I wasn't innocent to begin with. You know what Jake's like."

"Yes I know, but you never truly lose your innocent until you've had a one night stand with an almost stranger." He replied matter-of-factly.

"Sure, whatever you say Jaz." I rolled my eyes.

"So what do you want to do for your birthday? It's only two weeks away, I've got to start planning now or it's going to blow."

I sighed. It was indeed only two weeks until my eighteenth birthday. Everyone kept telling me about how big a deal it was, how important being eighteen was… I wasn't all that interested to be honest. It was just another day older to me, nothing special.

"I'm not bothered, Jaz. You decide." I told him nonchalantly.

"Are you sure about that? You know what _my _parties are like." He chuckled.

I thought this over. His parties were pretty insane and usually involved a killer hangover for an entire twenty-four hours after the event… but they were well worth it.

"Sure. Knock yourself out."

He chuckled again.

"Don't sound so excited, Bella."

"Oh not you too. I've had everyone and their brother telling me to be more enthusiastic over a day, just like any other day that I just happened to be born on." I groaned. I really didn't see what all the fuss was about.

"Hmm, you weren't so against being seventeen. What's so different this year?"

"Nothing. I'm just over birthday's that's all."

"Alright… well it will be awesome either way. I'll buy you a cake and everything."

We both laughed at this.

"Sounds good."

"Jasper?" I heard a girl call in the background. Was he still at Alice's house?

"Just a sec, Alice." Jasper replied to her.

"Are you still at Alice's place?" I asked curiously, it was a little after three in the afternoon.

"No, she's at mine. We're just hanging out. You can come over if you want?"

"Nah, I'm just gonna chill here. I need to shower; I haven't even bothered to get dressed."

"Okay, call me if you change your mind."

"Sure, see you at school tomorrow, or do you want me to pick you up?" I asked.

"Probably better to see you there, I've got to see my guidance counsellor before class about my grades last semester and 'what I can do to improve upon them'" He mimicked Mrs Jenson for the last part.

"Ha, have fun with that!" I teased before saying goodbye.

The rest of the day was rather uneventful. I updated my ipod with some new songs I had downloaded, then spent a considerable amount of time on myspace, a social networking site I had discovered last year much to my amusement. I made myself a quick dinner; mac and cheese, before showering and then digging out all my school stuff that I would need for tomorrow. After shoving it all in my messenger bag, I was ready for an early night.

Getting up early was my Achilles heel, especially when I knew I was waking up for something unpleasant, such as school. I figured if I just got as much sleep as possible, this would lessen the sheer annoyance of the situation. So by ten o'clock sharp I was tucked up in my bed ready for sleep.

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There was music coming from somewhere beside my head. I rolled over, my eyes screwed together as my mind fought to block out the noise. I grumbled in annoyance when the music continued letting my eyes peek open, it was still dark; the only light was that of the soft moonlight filtering through my window. A quick glance at my clock told me it was four fourteen. My hazy, sleep filed mind finally deduced where the music was coming from, my phone.

"Hello?" I hit the answer button, pressing the phone to my ear. My voice sounded groggy and hoarse.

"What are you wearing right now?"

Suddenly I was wide-awake. My eyes widened as his soft husky voice filled my mind; I sat up a little, rubbing my eyes in absolute confusion.

"Edward?"

I heard him chuckle at the other end, it was warm and pleasurable and brought goosebumps to my skin.

"You didn't answer my question." His voice was laced with a mixture of amusement and lust so I decided to humour him. Putting on my best seductive voice, well the best I could do at four fourteen after just waking up, I began to reply.

"Well, _Edward_," I whispered his name softly. "I'm wearing a pair of red and black panties," I let out a deep seductive breath before continuing, Jake and I had phone sex a helluva lot, I was practically an expert at it now. "And a black silken camisole…" Edward's breathing was louder now, not by much but it was a noticeable change, I couldn't stop the huge grin that spread across my face. I knew I was turning him on.

"Bella…" He whispered my name.

"What are you wearing, Edward?" My voice remained low, the image of him naked and hard appeared in my mind and I had to bite my lip to suppress my moan of desire.

"I'm naked and thinking only of you, of you lips around my cock, your soft delicate hands touching my body… I keep replaying last night over and over in my mind."

My hand reached down to my panties, rubbing my warmth through the smooth fabric. I couldn't believe I was touching myself over the phone to this boy… this wonderful, beautiful boy who I had fucked less than twenty-four hours ago.

"Edward…" I mumbled his name, lust thick in my voice. I wanted him more now than I had last night.

"Are you alone?"

My mom had been out all day, she had told me she wouldn't be home tonight which of course meant she was at some random guy's house having sex. I had grown tired of confronting her about this, grown tired of screaming at her to act more like my mother and less like the slut she was.

"Yes."

"Can I come over?" His voice was hesitant; as though he wasn't quite sure he wanted to.

"If you want…" I bit my lip. My stomach was doing summersaults, and back flips and fucking god knows what else. I wanted him to come over so badly, I ached for him to touch me but there was a part of me that was frightened. Sure we had already had sex but I really didn't know what to make of the whole 'casual sex' thing we had going on. That's all this was, wasn't it? Just casual sex, nothing more. As if I could be anymore to him… he was so far out of my league I wondered why he was even calling me now.

"Like you wouldn't fucking believe. What's your address?"

I smiled at that, my nerves easing up a little. I gave him my address, he told me he would be ten minutes and then hung up. I lay in my bed, briefly considering phoning Jasper for advice before realising that was just wrong and way too weird. I took deep breaths, trying not to hyperventilate or over think this. I was a bit too late with the over thinking part, my mind already running through every possible scenario that was about to unfold. I jumped when the doorbell rang, getting to my feet quickly and all but ran to the door. I calmed as much as I could before pulling the door open.

My breath caught as I took him in. His hair was dishevelled and wild, he wore only a white cotton V-neck and a pair of jeans, he looked out of breath, as though he had just ran up the four flights of stairs to my apartment. I stared open mouthed at how appealing he was to me, his hair, his skins… fuck I just wanted to grab him and…

His mouth crashed into mine before I had a chance to react, his lips were hot and heavy, forceful, yearning… He pushed me inside the apartment, kicking the door closed behind us. His hands clutched at my face, pulled at my hair, grabbed at any part of my body he could get his hands on.

My own hands quickly pulled the thin fabric of his shirt over his head, letting it fall carelessly to the floor. I ran my hand down his well-toned chest, feeling every bulge of muscle as I went. He was perfectly formed in every way I could imagine. His lips never left mine as we stumbled towards my room, I was walking backward, leading the way but of course, when you can't see where you're going you tend to bump into stuff.

His cool hands found their way under my camisole, teasing the soft skin on my stomach before going up to cup my breast. My breathing hitched as he traced tight little circles around my nipple, coaxing it into a peak. I clutched him to me, my own hands had found a place in his luscious locks, pulling it gently then smoothing it out again.

His lips left mine, there were teeth trailing down my neck with tongue and lips, his warm breath having the strangest effect on my skin. The hair on the back of my neck was standing on end as the anticipation grew and grew. For the second time I was inpatient to just have him fill me entirely, I had always complained to Jacob when he had skipped the foreplay but now it didn't seem so important after all. There was this spark between us, electricity and a primal desire that I couldn't deny and it was driving me crazy.

"Edward…" The word was a whisper on my lips and my breath came out in a slow whoosh. I hadn't realised I'd been holding it.

"Mmm?" He was sucking a bruise on the side of my neck, the thought of him marking me… it was enough to make me groan with lust.

"I need you." I panted, balling my fists in his hair.

I felt him smile against my neck before he pulled back; his wide eyes were clouded over with lust and want causing a small whimper of need to escape my mouth. His hand left my breast to dip deep into the pocket of his jeans; he pulled out a small silver wrapper, smiling sheepishly at him.

I smiled back shaking my head. We didn't need a condom, just as we hadn't needed one last night. After a few weeks and a dozen boxes of condoms later, I decided I would benefit greatly from going on the pill. So I had marched myself off to the doctor and had been on the pill ever since. I just continued with it after me and Jacob broke up.

He raised an eyebrow at me a smirk crossing his face.

"We're covered. I'm on the pill."

He smiled in recognition, dropping the unneeded condom to the floor before, pulling my camisole over my head. He didn't stop as he had last night but continued by kicking of his shoes then unbuttoning his jeans, pushing these to the floor along with his underwear. My eyes immediately lowered to his erection, the memory of how satisfactory it had felt last night still fresh in my mind. I wanted him to fuck me, to make me his in the most feral of ways.

I pushed my own underwear off so that I was standing in front of him completely naked. I didn't feel self-conscious or embarrassed but instead; I wanted him to see me. To look at my body and want me in exactly the same way I wanted him. His eyes roamed over my naked flesh all the while heat pooled between my legs, I could feel the moisture there, sticky and sweet waiting to be put to good use.

I waited, letting him fuck me with his eyes before the want and need became too much to control and I was pulling him to me, my lips hot and heavy on his. He pushed me back until my spine was against my bedroom door. He held my hips, his tongue in my mouth, his lips moving quickly. He snaked a hand between out bodies; his fingers rubbing my clit slowly, his foot moving between my legs to push them further apart, he bent his knee's to adjust his height to suit mine and then he was inside me.

I let out a low moan as he entered me, arching my back against the door. My hands tangled in his hair as his hand and cock worked in unison, quick and frantic. It was rougher than last night as though he was desperate to climax, like he had been wanting for this for forever… I liked how his hands held my hips too tightly, how he thrust roughly into me over and over while his mouth sucked and nipped and teased.

My breath was coming in gasps now; the familiar heat of my impending orgasm warmed my body. I met each of his thrusts with enough force to send a small shock through my body; my grip tightened its hold on him, desperately clinging to sanity as the pleasure grew.

Edwards's mouth hung open over mine, his own breath uneven and shaky. I stared into the deep pools of emerald that were his eyes and he stared back, the connection this opened sent sparks of electricity flowing through my veins and soon my gasping turned to a long moan. My orgasm had me seeing stars, little flecks of light that danced in front of my eyes obscuring my vision. I squeezed them shut tightly, biting my lip as waves of pleasure crashed into me like the ocean would crash into a cliff during a storm.

It only took one more hard thrust from Edward before he too was moaning his own pleasure. It took us both a moment to steady our breath and compose ourselves. When he pulled out of me, I felt empty and cold. It was such a stupid things to feel but when was inside me I felt whole.

Edward began to dress quickly, not saying a word to me. I found my own clothes and quickly put them on while he went to find his shirt, which was lying on the living room floor. I sat tentatively on the edge of my bed, my legs still shaky and weak. He returned to the room fully clothed his mouth turned up into a little smile.

"Sorry I can't stay, first day of term and all." He shrugged apologetically.

Would he have stayed if that wasn't the case? Or was he using school as an excuse?

I looked at the clock on my bedside table; the illuminated red numbers told me it was five am. It was probably starting to get light outside now.

"Don't sweat it, if my mom came home and found you naked in my bed she would throw a fit."

He laughed in response before heading back into the living room. I followed him to the door. He turned opening his mouth to say something before closing it again. I bit my lip as he opened the door.

"See you later, Bella."

"See you." I whispered softly behind him.

He smiled then left.

I sighed, closing and locking the door behind him before trudging back to my room. I stifled a yawn with my hand, groaning inwardly. Fucking great. I had to get up for school in two hours and I was bloody exhausted. My head was all over the place I didn't know what to think. Were we just fuck buddies? Did he like me the way I liked him or was it just sex? Sure, the sex was fucking ace, better than anything Jake and me had done but what if I wanted more? I felt like an idiot for even thinking of it. I had know him what, a week? Well I could also argue that having sex with someone after only a week was a little crazy… but damn did it feel good.

I got into bed pulling the covers over my head, trying to quieten the many thoughts running through my mind but it didn't work in the slightest. I tossed and turned for what felt like forever, finally drifting into a light, short-lived slumber.

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**God don't I just suck at sex scenes :P**

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	6. Six

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Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.

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**Vodka and Nicotine**

Chapter Six

_Dangerous: adjective - Causing danger; ready to do harm or injury._

My alarm beeped loudly next to my head and as much as I wanted to ignore it, I knew I had to get up. Shit, I hated school. It felt as though I had got all of ten minutes sleep after Edward left. My mind was hazy and slow as I turned the alarm off and began to get ready.

It was sunny out today even though it was the last day in August and I decided to opt for a black and white polka dot swing dress with my usual pair of chucks, of course. I left my hair down, incapable of any kind of effort right now. I put a couple pop tarts into the toaster, filling a glass with orange juice while I waited. I ate them slowly, my eyes heavy from lack of sleep. When I was done, I grabbed my bag and headed downstairs.

As I expected it was pleasantly warm out, there was a slight breeze, which ruffled through the trees in the park across the street. I loved Wicker Park. I loved the memories it held, I loved the atmosphere and the peace it bought me when I would sit cross-legged under a big old oak tree with a good book. I loved looking out my window in the morning at green as apposed to the dull grey concrete buildings of the city.

My car was parked a little down the street from my apartment; it was always extremely difficult to get a spot in this area. I drove a 1967 Chevy Impala, which had belonged to my father before he had died. It was black with black leather seats and a light tan interior. I loved this car more than anything else on the planet. Jasper always said if it was possible to marry a car I'd be first in the line to do so, he was probably right.

I slid into the driver seat, throwing my bag next to me then buckling up. I turned the key causing the engine to roar to life and the radio to switch on. I turned it up loud, rolling down both windows before setting off. I was trying my hardest to wake myself up a little more. I felt uncomfortable driving when I knew I was exhausted but there was no way in hell I was walking and the music and breeze seemed to heighten my senses enough for me to drive safely. I drove slower than normal to be extra careful even though I was running late.

I got to school three minutes early, which didn't help me any considering my homeroom was at the other end of campus. I circled the lot trying to find a space, sighing when I saw none. The worst thing about going to such a large school was the lack of freaking parking spaces and when you had the bad fortune to be late… well you were pretty much screwed. Finally, I spotted one up ahead with only one and a half minutes to go until class started. God, I hated being late.

My phone buzzed from inside my bag, revealing that I had a text message. I reached over to grab it, taking my eyes off the road for a fraction of a second. I looked up just in time to slam on the breaks, swearing loudly. One more second and I would have hit her head on, not that I was going fast, I was in a goddamn parking lot but still…it was enough to almost give me a heart attack. I could feel adrenaline coursing through my veins, my heart pounding in my chest; well at least I wasn't tired anymore. What a great way to wake myself up.

I muttered my apology to the very pissed off looking junior through the open window while she flipped me off sending me a deadly glare. I guess I deserved it; I would be pissed off too. I looked down at my cell phone, which I was clutching as though my life depended on it. It was from Jasper.

_Hey girl, where you at?_

I rolled my eyes. I had almost killed a girl for that? Thanks Jasper. I finally pulled into the empty spot, still buzzing from the adrenalin rush.

I got to homeroom just as my name was being called causing Mr Henry to scowl at me as I took my seat next to Jasper. I hadn't had a chance to get to my locker so I shoved my bag heavily onto the desk.

"You look like shit." Jasper muttered under his breath.

I glared at him.

Mr Henry finished taking attendance before making a few announcements I didn't pay any attention to. The bell went signalling first period and everyone filed out of the room. Jasper caught my arm on the way to my locker, spinning me to face him.

"What's with you?" He asked softly, concern in his eyes.

"I'm just tired." I replied, turning back to my locker to dump my bag.

He chuckled under his breath causing me to turn and glare.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

He shook his head before brushing some hair off my neck and brushing his finger over the skin there.

I looked at him in confusion, wondering what the hell he was doing.

"Really Bella, a hickey?" He chuckled again.

Realisation dawned on me causing Jasper to laugh louder. Of course, I remembered now, last night Edward had sucked a bruise on my neck, I had completely forgotten about it. It was just like Jasper to notice something like that when I hadn't.

"Oh." Was all I could manage.

"Well I guess that'll explain why you look like you've been up all night." He grinned at me like a moron.

"Yeah, yeah. Hurry up or we'll be late for English."

He smirked.

"What, are you two like fuck buddies now?" He whispered into my ear once we were seated in the back row.

I felt the heat rush to my cheeks at his words. The truth was, I didn't know. I just shrugged before attempting to change the subject.

"By the way, thanks for your text, I almost killed someone because of you."

"What?" He raised a dark eyebrow giving me an incredulous look.

"I almost knocked some poor girl down in the parking lot when I went to read it."

Jasper laughed as though my nearly killing someone was some kind of joke, I clenched my teeth together in irritation. Fuck, I was so pissy this morning.

"It's not funny, Jaz I almost had a heart attack."

"Sorry, Bee." He smiled apologetically, rubbing my back soothingly. "Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine." I nodded, felling slightly bad at my earlier irritation. Jasper really was an amazing friend.

After first period, the adrenaline wore off, leaving me feeling even worse than I had when I woke up. I stifled yawns all day much to the annoyance of all my teachers. English was the only class Jasper and I had together this year, which sucked. We spent lunch at one of the wooden benches in the quad, as did most students. It was far too nice a day to waste indoors and we all knew it was only a matter of time until autumn set in stealing away our sunshine

"Do you want to come over to Alice's house after school?" .Jasper asked with a mouth full of potato salad.

I stiffened under his words, stopping mid-bite to gawk at him.

"Um… will Edward be there?" I asked timidly.

"I guess so, he lives there after all," He flashed me a smile. "We'll be hanging in Alice's room if you don't want to see him and if you do…" He trailed off gesturing giving a blowjob with his hand.

I rolled my eyes.

"It would be nice to get to know Alice better, she seems really cool."

From the look of Jasper's face, I could tell he really wanted Alice and me to get along. I was obliged to make any and all effort required to do that, it really had nothing to do with the prospect of seeing Edward again. Or so I told myself.

The rest of the day passed quickly, I was glad when the final bell rang and I could escape from the torture of math and the confusion that was trigonometry. Thankfully, this was my senior year, the thought of being free _forever _this time next year made me giddy with joy. Of course, it also meant having to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I still hadn't decided whether or not I wanted to go to college, another four years of education seemed just too much to bear.

Jasper was waiting by my car talking to none other than Jacob Black. I cringed inwardly wondering what the fuck they were talking about. I knew it was only a matter of time before I would bump into him, I had a feeling there was going to be a lot of awkwardness between us. I had told him I still wanted us to be friends, but after such a long relationship I wasn't sure if that was at all possible.

I took a deep breath before approaching them, praying to god Jaz would rescue me if this got too weird.

"He guys." I greeted them both, sending Jasper a 'what the fuck' look.

"Hey Bells. It's nice to see you." Jacob grinned and it made my heart ache.

"You too Jake. How've you been?"

"I've been good yeah," He smiled again and I wanted to cry. "Jasper told me about your party, I hope you don't mind that he invited me, I don't want things between us to be weird."

"No of course not, we can still hang out and stuff. It won't be weird."

"Awesome."

We stared at each other, him with his big goofy grin and long black hair falling into his face reminding me exactly why I had loved him. I bit my lip and looked away, feeling the sting of tears in my eyes. God how stupid of me to get emotional over him like this.

Jasper coughed beside me and I turned in surprise, having forgotten he was there.

"You ready?" He asked softly. I knew he could tell I was upset and reminded myself to thank him later for saving me.

"Yeah… I'll talk to you later, Jake."

"Sure, Sure. Bye Bells."

The drive to Alice's place didn't take very long. We drove in silence, well the radio was up almost full blast, but we didn't speak to one another. There wasn't really much to say. I was getting over a break-up. My first and only break-up from the first and only boy I had loved. It hurt, even if it was my decision.

I pulled up along side the familiar building, cutting the engine. There was a shinny new silver Volvo parked just in front of me, Jasper said it belonged to Edward thus saying both her and Alice were both already home from school.

"So what's the plan?" I asked as we waited in the lift.

"Nothing much, just chill." He grinned pulling a little gold box from his backpack. I knew all too well what it contained. His kind of chilling involved drugs. Not that I had a problem with that.

"Bella!" Alice screeched when she pulled the door open for us. "Oh my gosh that dress is absolutely adorable on you!" She pulled me into a tight hug, which caught me by surprise. I patted her back cautiously.

"Um, thanks. I like yours too."

She was wearing a cute little slip ruffle dress. It was steel blue teemed with a pair of navy open toed kitten heels, she looked wonderful. I could bet Alice was one of those girls who, like Jasper, could pull off just about anything. They were perfect for each other.

"Hey Jaz." She released me to latch herself onto Jasper, he didn't mind at all and they kissed languidly for at least five minutes, before I cleared my throat to gain their attention.

"Sorry." She giggled sheepishly leading us to her room.

It was just down the hall from Edward's, my heart fluttered as we passed knowing he was only meter's away from me. Alice's room was breathtaking. The walls were simple white but were draped with splashes of colourful fabric that softened and brightened the space. The floor was light oak boards with a gigantic white goatskin rug. There was one large window with beautiful aubergine silk chiffon curtains that flowed all the way down to pool on the floor beneath. Alice grinned when she noticed my staring.

"You like it?" She asked smugly.

"It's… wow. It's beautiful Alice."

"My mom is an interior designer, not that I needed much help from her I knew exactly what I wanted."

"Her bed's awesome." Jasper chimed with a huge cheesy grin plastered on his face. I groaned.

Jasper lit a joint and we passed it between ourselves, taking long deep drags. When it was done, I was filled with a pleasant tingling feeling that seemed to spread all through my body from my head all the way to the tips of my toes.

"Hey, hey, I have a great joke!" Jasper called from across the room.

He and Alice were sitting cross-legged on her bed while I lay sprawled out on the big goatskin rug. The room was swaying slightly despite my lack of movement. This worried me.

"Go on then." I said slowly, taking extra care with each word.

"What's green and can kill you if it falls out of a tree?"

Alice and I both stared at him, confusion clearly evident on our faces. He grinned.

"A snooker table."

I snorted, Alice burst into a fit of giggles and Jasper began to chuckle. It only took seconds before we were all in hysterics. I was rolling on the floor, clutching at my sides because they hurt so much. The phrase 'roll on the floor laughing' struck me then which only caused me to laugh harder, making it far more difficult for me to breathe. There was a light knock on the door before it was pulled open.

Edward stood in the doorway, a scowl set on his handsome face. He first looked over to Alice and Jasper who were still giggling like crazy on the bed, his eyes then settled on me, still sprawled out on the floor. I had stopped laughing now, a slight blush crept onto my cheeks when I realised my dress had ridden up my thighs during the rolling, Edward smirked.

"I'm disappointed Alice, you have a party and I'm not invited." He sounded both disapproving and amused.

"Sorry, Edward. I though you and Emmett were going out." She replied, finally gaining control of her laughter.

"Change of plans. Rosalie's parents are celebrating their anniversary at the Amalfi hotel instead. Emmett wants to make the most of an empty house." He shrugged before closing the door behind himself. "Well come on in brother!" Alice grinned, beckoning him forward.

He did just that, coming to sit next to me on the floor. I pulled myself up into a sitting position, smoothing my dress out over my knees. He grinned at me before running a hand through his hair, he looked just as good as he always did apart from the faint purple bruises under his eyes due to lack of sleep but somehow this only made him all the more attractive to me. Jasper lit up a new spliff taking a quick hit before handing it to Alice who also took a hit before reaching out to give it to Edward.

I struggled to stay still next to the boy beside me. He smelled liked vanilla and cinnamon today, I liked it. The scent made my head feel light as air and my breath taste sweet in my lungs. I rolled my head back on my shoulders, totally relaxed here on Alice's goatskin rug, high as a kite, next to her god of a brother.

I watched as his lips closed around the white stick, heard his slow deep intake of breath and then waited for the steady stream of smoke to blow from his mouth. I was hypnotised. My eyes began to blur after a while of not blinking, I looked away slightly embarrassed. Had he noticed my staring? Alice and Jasper were making out like the horny teenagers they were, he even had his hand up her top. Did he know Edward and me were still here?

I felt his hand on my skin a fraction of a second before it was there. My bare leg burned under his touch, like his hand was fire. My eyes snapped to his, they were the deepest pool of emerald green drawing me into him. Edward smirked taking another hit; he held the smoke in his lungs, leading slowly towards me. When we were only inches apart he parted his lips blowing the cloud of smoke into my face, I inhaled deeply my eyes glued to his.

"Bella." My name was whispered from his lips, so softly I strained to hear it.

"Yeah?" I whispered back, just as quietly.

"You're driving me crazy." His eyes fell closed before he let out a heavy sigh.

"Uh… sorry?"

I didn't understand. I was driving him crazy? He was driving me crazy! There was so much sexual tension between us the air was practically solid!

Then his lips were on mine, not heavy and needy but soft and sweet, like a caress. I blinked, my eyes still wide as were his. We stared at each other, eyes wide, lips touching, neither of us moving. It was as though some kind of invisible force field was holding me back. I wanted to move, so goddamn bad but I just couldn't.

He pulled back, his eyes still wide staring at me with a look I could have sworn was fear.

"Edward?"

He shook his head getting to his feet quickly. Then he left. Walked out of the room without another word or a backwards glance. I stared after him not entirely sure what had just happened and then, I got angry. I felt stupid and pathetic and so very angry. What the fuck gave him the right to treat me like this? I got to my feet running out after him, I didn't even care whose house I was in or that I was being irrational I just _needed_ to confront him.

"Edward!" I shouted after him, he was already out the front door, slamming it behind himself. "Stop!"

He took the stairs; I tripped and stumbled down all four flights screaming after him like a psychotic bitch. He ignored me. When I got to the bottom, I was practically shaking, my mind was screaming at me to stop. Stop being such an idiot Bella! What the hell are you doing? It made no sense but my body would not obey. It wanted to catch him and I just couldn't make myself stop. It was terrifying.

It was still warm outside, although it had to be past seven now. I stormed from the building almost slamming straight into Edward who was standing rigid, both hands balled into fists at his side. If I thought I was angry it was nothing compared to him, he looked livid.

"What the **fuck **is your problem, Bella?" He spat at me.

I was so taken aback by his question I couldn't even form words. My mouth opened as if to answer but nothing came out, just silence.

"Just forget it. Go home." He turned to walk away; I stopped him the only way I knew how.

My lips crashed into his so forcefully I felt the warmth of blood beneath them; his or mine, I couldn't tell. My hand fisted into his hair, I was desperate and high and so totally fucked up I didn't know what was going on anymore. My tongue ran along his lips begging to be deep in that warm, wet hollow. My heartbeat picked up, my breath caught and then… he pushed me away and it was like being stabbed straight in the heart.

"Wha… what's wrong?" I stammered, hurt beyond rationality.

"I'm no good for you, Bella." He held me at arms length, his grip like a vice.

"I don't understand…"

"I'm dangerous." The words were forced out, like it caused him physical pain to say them.

"You're not." I protested, trying to break from his grip.

"I AM!" He shouted, shoving me back.

I stumbled back, my eyes searching his for some form of an explanation.

"Edward?" I tried again, taking a tentative step towards him.

"Please, I don't want to hurt you…" He sobbed; I reeled at the sight of a single salty tear slipping from his eye.

"You couldn't."

He laughed, cold and hard and humourless.

"Believe me, Bella, I could," He shook his head. "Just leave me the fuck alone." He spat, walking passed me to go back inside.

I didn't follow him. Didn't turn. Just walked straight to my car, got in, started the engine and drove. It didn't matter that I was still high, or that I could hardly see through the tears swimming in my eyes, I just need to drive, to get as far from here as possible, to get as far away from _him_ as possible.

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**Let me know how you think it's going. Reviews make my day!**


	7. Seven

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Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.

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**Vodka and Nicotine**

Chapter Seven

_Renounce: verb - To give up or put aside voluntarily._

My foot was heavy on the gas peddle, only letting up to slow for traffic every now and again. Mostly I just drove, mindless and numb. I didn't know where I was going, didn't even care. The music coming from the stereo was far too loud, yet it wasn't loud enough to snap me out of this trance.

It was dark out now, a quick glance at the clock on the dash told me it was quarter past eight. I had been driving for nearly an hour. I blinked. Where the fuck was I? A sign up ahead told me I was on the I-80 west to Joliet. Why in the hell was I driving to Joliet? Jasper was screaming beside me, how long had my phone been ringing without me noticing? I ignored it, only picking it up when it was silent. I had thirty-two missed calls all from Jasper. Shit.

I took the next exit, pulling up to the first curb I found. I took a deep breath and then cut the engine, I felt exhausted. My eyes stung, my back and neck hurt and I was scared. I had never ever driven under the influence of drugs before, it was stupid and reckless and so very selfish. I didn't know why I had done it.

_Edward_.

Okay maybe I did know why but the reasoning behind it, I wasn't so sure. I didn't know what was going on with me lately; it seemed my emotions were all over the place because of this boy. I was acting stupid and irrational for no apparent reason. So what if he didn't like me the way I liked him. So what if he was cryptic and bipolar. Why did it upset me so much? Why was he so important to me?

Jasper was screaming again and this time I couldn't ignore him. I answered.

"Bella? Bella, what the fuck man? Where are you? Are you okay? What happened?" Jasper blurted out without so much as a hello.

"I'm okay, I'm in Joliet, I just freaked out Jaz, I'm really sorry, I was high, I wasn't thinking. Jesus I'm shaking." My hand trembled uncontrollably, shaking the phone violently.

"Why the hell are you in Joliet? Bella, you scared the shit out of me, running out screaming at Edward like that, we heard you all the way down the fucking stairs! Then he stormed back in screaming some shit about keeping you the fuck away from him, he said you took off in your fucking car, I almost punched that dick in his goddamn face, letting you drive high? What was he thinking? What were you thinking?" He was angry, I could tell but he was worried too.

"I wasn't thinking, Jaz. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to worry you, I really didn't," I sighed, running a hand through my tangled hair. "I was high, I just got really _mad_. I don't even know how I got here; I don't really remember much of the drive…" I trailed off.

"_Shit_, Bella… What can I do?"

"I'm just so tired, Jasper. I don't want to drive all the way back to Chicago tonight."

"Do you want me to come get you sweetie? I can hitch a ride and drive you back."

"No, no, don't be silly. I'll be fine. I can sleep in the car…"

"You will not!" Jasper interjected loudly.

"Well you aren't hitching a ride all the way out here just to drive me back. I'll be okay, I'll just get some coffee and then head back, I'm clean now. It'll be okay."

"No. Bella. No. I'll come get you. I'll get Edward to drive me out, fucking asshole owes you that much."

"NO! Jasper, no. Don't get Edward involved in this." I begged.

"Why the hell not? He never should have let you get in that car."

I sighed again.

"It doesn't matter. I never should have got in the car, it's not his fault. It's cool. Don't worry."

"No, it's not cool. You're in frigging Joliet, Bella." He sounded angry again.

"Jaz…"

"No. I'm coming to get you. Go get some coffee I'll be there in an hour."

"Jasper no, please…" I tried but it was too late, he had already hung up. "Shit, Jasper!" I swore. He was so goddamn stubborn.

I started the engine then headed toward town to find some coffee. I found my coffee ten minutes later in a little twenty-four hour diner in town. I drank two cups; black, no sugar before I started to get nervous. It felt like someone was watching me, the hairs on the back of my neck were standing up, my skin felt like it was crawling. I rubbed my bare arms, wishing I had bought a jacket with me, I felt too exposed.

"Hey, baby."

I looked up to see tall man in his late forties standing over me. I shivered.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"I sure hope so." He leered at me like a big disgusting pervert and I wanted to throw up.

"I don't think so asshole, go hit on someone your own age." I growled at him, I really didn't need this bullshit right now.

"You watch your mouth _bitch."_

I recoiled slightly, the place was deserted apart from the girl behind the counter but she had her back to us, busy with something. I thought about calling to her but I could handle this idiot on my own.

"Excuse me?" I asked him. "

"I said, watch your mouth bitch." He repeated.

I stood up, facing him full on. He didn't back down, just grinned exposing a set of disgusting brown stained teeth.

"Back off." I said lowly, he was going to loose his balls if he wasn't careful.

My father had been a police officer; he was very big on the whole self-defence thing, making sure I knew exactly how to take care of myself. I had complained at the time but now I can't tell you just how grateful I was for it. It had come in handy on more than one occasion.

The guy didn't back off, I saw what he was planning to do the second he reached his hand towards me; I grabbed it roughly twisting it behind his back. I pulled it high until he cried out in pain, if I wanted to I could pull his arm from its socket and I was tempted to but the girl behind the counter was paying attention now and I figured dislocating someone's arm wouldn't go down too well with her.

"Hey!"

I let the idiot go; he backed off now, cursing me all the way out the door, his tail between his legs.

"He was about to molest me." I explained to the waitress.

"Don't worry about it honey, I say good on you. That guy's a complete pervert."

"Yeah I figured," I smiled at her. "Any chance I could get a refill?" I asked.

"Sure, this one's on the house."

She went off to retrieve me a coffee, coming back a moment later. I thanked her, sipping the hot beverage slowly. It warmed me, the caffeine making me feel a little better, more alert anyway. I had finished it by the time Jasper called again.

"Where are you?" He asked me softly.

"I'm in a diner on Jefferson, urm… Kim's Diner, I think it's called."

"We're almost there, are you alright?" Jasper sounded so concerned, it humbled me. I really never gave him enough credit; he really was an amazing friend.

"I'm okay, thank you for doing this. I don't deserve a friend like you." I felt tears in my eyes, god I was such a baby.

"Anytime. See you in a minute."

I rubbed my eyes, getting to my feet to meet him outside. I got to the door just as Edward's Volvo pulled up to the curb. I couldn't actually believe he had come, why would he after telling me to leave him alone? Why not just tell Jasper to go to hell? Was it guilt? Pity? I didn't want his pity.

I could hear them arguing from the sidewalk.

"You're not even going to see if she's okay?" Jasper asked angrily.

"Get out of the car, Jasper." Edward's voice sounded strained.

"What the fuck man? I thought you liked her."

"You asked me to give you a ride, I did. End of story."

"You're a fucking asshole, you know that." Jasper said before getting out of the car, he slammed the door forcefully before coming to my side. Edward drove off without so much as a look at me; I felt a stab of pain at his lack of concern.

"Hey, Jaz." I smiled, swallowing the hurt down.

"Ready to go home?" He asked only managing a half smile. Clearly, he wasn't happy with the whole situation.

"Yeah, thanks." I handed him the keys to the impala, something I had never done before but I was too tired to care. I just wanted to go home and sleep.

"How come Edward came?" I asked when we were back on the I-80 headed back to Chicago.

My eyes were heavy, so I let them fall closed, it felt as though I hadn't slept in weeks.

"I don't know… I called him, told him where you were and demanded he drive me to you and he said okay. You'd think after driving all the way out here he'd at least say fucking hello. Seriously, Bella the guy's a jerk. I asked Alice what the hell was going on and she got all cryptic on me, she said he was going through some stuff and he wasn't himself. Whatever that means," He sighed wearily. "I don't think you should see him again."

I didn't bother to open my eyes. As much as I hated it, I knew he was right. Edward and me, what we were doing… it just wasn't working. It just seemed like it was fucking us both up and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. I just knew that this wasn't me. Driving almost fifty miles, high, for no particular reason. My emotions were all over the goddamn place and I really didn't like it. I just wanted things to get back to normal.

"Bella?"

"I know." I whispered.

"Good. He's all wrong for you, sweetie. You know I love you like a sister, I won't let some fucking jerk use you and discard you whenever he wants."

I smiled.

"I love you too Jaz. Thanks for being awesome."

"Well awesome is my middle name."

I laughed with him, truly grateful for everything this boy did for me, which was a lot more than I had ever realised. The car grew silent after that, the only sound was the steady hum of the engine as we powered down the highway. My mind had grown hazy with lack of sleep.

"Bella, wake up." Jasper was shaking me lightly.

I blinked, groggy and disorientated. When had I fell asleep? A quick look at the dash told me it was ten to eleven. Jesus this felt like the longest day I had ever lived through.

"When did I fall asleep?" I mumbled.

"Not that long after we left Joliet. Come on, let's get you to bed."

Jasper helped me up the stairs and into my room. It was dark and quiet which meant; either my mom wasn't home or she had already gone to bed, I would put my money on the first one. Jasper handed me a pair of pyjama bottoms and a tank top to sleep in.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow, get some rest."

"Jaz, stay. I'll take you home in the morning."

"Sure, beat's getting a cab." He smiled before undoing his shirt and pulling out of his jeans.

It wasn't the first time Jasper had stayed over, after all he was my best friend. After many a night of alcohol and marijuana, my room was pretty much Jasper's second home. It wasn't weird or uncomfortable that I had a half naked boy in my bed, because in all honesty his presence comforted me more than any one else ever had, other than my father of course.

I changed quickly after he'd settled himself under my covers before crawling in next to him. The soft mattress felt like heaven to me, my head hit the pillow and I was instantly pulled towards unconsciousness.

"Bella?" Jasper whispered softly.

"Mhmm?"

"You and Edward, it was just sex right?"

I paused, I hadn't been expecting him to ask me something like that and it was something I wasn't exactly sure how to answer. It was just sex, we didn't have conversation or diner or anything like that but the way I felt about him… I was absolutely certain he was more than just some fuck buddy to me and it was totally absurd. I had known him for nine days. Nine frigging days! We had only had sex twice, did we even count as fuck buddies or was it just a one night… twice? I really didn't know.

"Yeah, it was just sex."

There was no point worrying about it now. Edward had made his feelings perfectly clear. He didn't want to see me anymore; there was nothing else to it. I would just have to get the hell over it.

"Night, Bella." Jasper yawned.

"Goodnight." I murmured back and then I was asleep.

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Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, added to their alerts or added this story to your favourites. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you guys make the many hours of writing a little more worthwhile.


	8. Eight

**Sorry for the delay in updates, I have been working non stop for the last couple of weeks and haven't had much time to write. I am also afraid to say it's going to be another few weeks for the next chapter, I'm off to Cyprus tomorrow for two weeks so there won't be any updates for awhile. I'll try and get something up shortly after I'm back.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.**

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**Vodka and Nicotine**

Chapter Eight

_Delirium: noun - A state in which thoughts, expressions, and actions are wild, irregular, and incoherent._

Colours swirled from the bodies that surrounded me, every time someone moved, a blur of bright vibrancy would swirl around them, emanating from them. I could feel tiny beads of sweat dripping down my forehead; my skin was slick with it. I was so hot, so thirsty. My hand tightened around a bottle in my hand, I hadn't realised I had been holding anything. I raised it to my face to examine it, it was vodka. I brought it to my mouth, slugging down a large mouthful, someone jarred me causing a little stream of clear liquid to pour down my bare leg.

My feet were bare among a crowd of stilettos, not the safest thing I knew but it didn't seem to bother me. I had on a red satin mini dress; it was sleeveless with a black bow tied around the middle. I smiled to myself; it made my boobs look good. I reached a hand up to my hair to brush it from my face groaning at the sensation this bought. The touch was extra sensitive on my skin; it felt so good, my nerves screaming in content as they were stimulated.

The music was loud, blaring; it was all I could hear in the crowded room. It didn't matter that I was surrounded on all sides; it was as if no one was making a single noise. Strange. My eyes couldn't focus on the sea of people before me; it was just a faceless crowd to me, not one person stood out. I searched pointlessly for Jasper but he wasn't there. Shouldn't he be here?

I felt a hand snake around my waist, pulling me to them. I spun instinctively coming face to face with Edward. My heart rate quickened. His pupils were huge, dilated to more than twice their normal size. I strained my eyes trying to focus on his face, it was too blurry. His lips touched mine, they tingled and excited and drew me in for more. His tongue was in my mouth, dancing with mine it tasted just like it always did. Vodka and Nicotine but this time there was something else, something bitter, kind of metallic. My breath was coming in ragged gasps and I struggled to pull air into my lungs. I was just so hot, I could practically feel the perspiration secreting from my skin.

Edward's hand ran down my back, it felt like I was on fire, my whole body was burning now. My skin was begging to be touched; I leaned into the boy in front of me, pushing my body flush against him. It felt divine.

"Happy birthday, I hope you like your present." He whispered softly, his warm breath tickled my ear.

Did he mean the pill? The little white pill?

It seemed like everything was running together now, my thoughts and the colours and the music. Why was I sweating so much? Edward tightened his grip on me; I scanned the room again, searching desperately for Jasper. I didn't feel right.

"Bella?" Edward asked. "Don't you like your present?"

He grinned, pressing his lips to mine again. It was too hot, my mouth was dry and everything was spinning. My heart sped up again, racing uncontrollably as I started to panic and then I felt my feet fell out from beneath me and everything went quiet.

_**Eight hours earlier**_

"Don't go too crazy tonight Bella, remember you have school in the morning and please don't make too much of a mess." Renée cautioned.

I grinned knowing I was going to go way too crazy and there would be a shit load of a mess to deal with.

"I'll try not to but it is my eighteenth birthday."

"I know, I know. Just have a good time, baby." She kissed me on the top of the head before turning to leave.

I could endure my mother occasionally and today was one of those days. I had the place to myself tonight; well myself and whoever the hell else Jasper had invited, which meant I was going to have one hell of a party and have one hell of a hangover tomorrow.

It was just after four in the afternoon, my mom was heading out so she wasn't in the way of the party and Jasper and Alice would be over shortly to hang out before we set up. Despite my previous lack of enthusiasm I was totally psyched now, Jasper had promised me a party to remember and that was exactly what I needed.

Ever since Joliet I had been trying to get myself back to normal, to forget Edward and get on with life. It wasn't all that easy to forget someone when their sister was fast becoming a new best friend. In the past two weeks, Alice and I had hung out almost as much and Jasper and I had. She was pretty amazing; it made me so happy for Jasper. They really were perfect for each other.

I had a great feeling about tonight. I just knew it was going to be the party of a lifetime. I was planning on getting completely fucked, I'd been holding back on the partying lately but tonight was the exception, it was going to rock!

My phone began to vibrate in my pocket; I took it out checking the caller ID. It was Alice.

"Hey, where are you?"

"Happy Birthday! I'm at Jasper's he's clearing out his alcohol stash, he might be awhile." She giggled. I didn't doubt he'd be awhile; Jasper had more alcohol than a liquor store.

"How many people did he invite?" I asked, if Jasper was bringing everything he had, that meant a shit load of people.

"Oh, a few. It's a surprise." She teased.

"Okay, okay. Just as long as my house is still standing by the end of the night."

"I think that can be arranged, we'll see you soon."

"Okay, see you." I hung up, plodding to my room where I flopped down on the bed.

It was raining out. The sky was a dark grey, lined with clouds that blocked out the sun. I could see the park from my bed, a mass of green amidst the dreary concrete buildings that surrounded it. I lay back with a small sigh, my eyes trained to the ceiling as I let my mind wander. It was just a week until the four-year anniversary of my father's death. It hardly felt like four years but in a way, it felt like so much longer. I could still remember the day it had happened, I remembered it as clear as if it had been yesterday, I remembered the last conversation we had perfectly. I remembered the way he had smelt and how I had laughed at the silly beard he was trying to grow… I remembered it all.

In a way I hated my birthdays because it reminded me so much of losing him, I didn't understand, because my birthday was the last happy memory I had of him. Maybe it was because of the close proximity they had happened in… either way this day had been so hard for me since then.

I blinked the tears from my eyes trying to pull myself together, I knew this was nothing compared to how I would be next Saturday. The 19th of September was the worst day of my life and I knew this year would only be that much more worse, without Jacob there… I shook the thought from my head. It was my birthday, why did I have to be so emo?

The doorbell rang causing me to jump slightly; I smiled thinking that it couldn't have come at a better time. I really needed the distraction right now and I knew Jasper came baring gifts; mostly in the form of alcohol, so what if it was the middle of the afternoon, that had never stopped me before.

"Hey, guys." I said pulling the door open for them both.

Alice had a big red box under her arm; Jasper had four plastic bags full of glass bottles containing every kind of alcohol you could think of.

"Yay presents!" I grinned, hugging them both as they entered.

"Hey, Bella." Alice greeted handing me the box.

"Can I open it now?" I asked excitedly, bouncing on the balls of my feet.

"Of course you can." She grinned in encouragement.

I pulled the box open with a squeal of joy, tossing the cardboard top onto the floor. Inside was a mass of red satin. My eyes widened as I pulled it from the box exposing a beautiful red mini dress. The fabric felt smooth beneath my fingers and I could tell it was expensive without even looking at the label.

"Wow, Alice! Thank you, it's gorgeous!" I smiled widely, grasping her in another tight hug.

"I thought you'd like it and of course I wanted to make sure you look awesome tonight!"

"Well I definitely will now."

Jasper had put the alcohol in the kitchen then returned, following Alice and I into my bedroom. We all plopped down onto my bed, Jasper put his arms around Alice's waist and she leaned into him comfortably. I smiled. They were practically inseparable now.

Jasper took something out of his pocket handing me it. It was a plain black Zippo, or so I thought until I looked a little closer. The letters B + J were engraved in silver just at the foot of the lighter; it was probably the sweetest thing anyone had ever given me.

"Jaz… thank you." I smiled gratefully truly touched by his thoughtfulness.

"No problem. Here…" He pulled something else from his pocket tossing it to me. It was a packet of cigarettes. What more could I ask for?

"You guys totally rock."

"Of course we do, Bella. Why else would you be friends with us?" Jasper joked.

We all laughed briefly before I pulled a cigarette from the pack Jasper had just given me. Alice wrinkled her nose as I blew smoke into the air. She hated cigarettes, the only time she ever smoked was to get high and even then, she complained about the smell. I crossed the room to open the window for her, because I was just _that _considerate.

"Who wants a drink?" Jasper asked, getting to his feet.

"Do you even need to ask?" I rolled my eyes, taking another drag of my Marlboro.

"Alice?" He asked softly ignoring my comment.

"Can you get me one of those Bacardi Breezer's you brought?"

"Sure."

I tried not to snort at Alice's choice of drink. She wasn't a heavy drinker at all; mostly she favoured fruity cocktails and rarely had more than a couple. I had never seen her drunk and she always told me she didn't need alcohol to have a good time. I asked her if the same was true for drugs and she'd told me drugs were in a whole different league. I guess in a way she was right.

Jasper returned with a bright red bottle for Alice, a bottle of neat vodka for me and to my absolute horror a bottle of beer for himself.

"Oh god Jaz, you are such a pussy!" I teased as he took a swig from the brown bottle.

He laughed, shaking his head lightly.

"We'll see who's laughing tonight when you have your head down the toilet barfing your brains out."

"Ouch!" I feigned hurt. "I'm insulted, Jasper, I think I've proved on many occasions I can handle my liquor."

He just chuckled, rolling his eyes before returning to his beer.

I did however pay some attention to his words, it was only five and I had the rest of the night to get shitfaced, so I paced myself. I was only a little tipsy when we started to get ready. Alice did my make-up like a pro making me look like some kind of rock goddess. She straightened my hair, something I rarely bothered with, spraying it with a light mist of lacquer to keep it in place.

I wore the dress Alice had brought me with a pair of black heels, Jasper was in a pair of black skinny jeans with a plain black t-shirt, which exposed his well-toned chest, and Alice looked stunning in a black halter dress with electric blue stilettos and a matching bow in her hair.

People started arriving at eight, most I recognised but there were a few I had to ask Jasper about. The kitchen counters were littered with alcohol, mixers and plastic cups. The music was up super loud, Jasper had burned a few CD's especially for the occasion, they were filled with all our favourite songs to dance to as well as a couple heavier ones.

I was clutching a red paper cup talking to some girls from my history class; a Metallica song was playing on the stereo, by now there was a large group of people dancing in the middle of the living room.

"Bella!"

I turned to see Jacob holding a little silver package with a big red bow one top.

"Jake, you made it!" I greeted him with a hug; he kissed my cheek before handing me the box. "You didn't have to get me anything." I protested.

"I know but I wanted to." He replied with a smile.

"Well thank you," I pulled the paper off the box, taking the little lid off carefully. "Jake! It's beautiful!"

It was a sterling silver bracelet adorned with a little wooden wolf that looked as though it were howling at the moon. He took it from the box I was holding, placing it gently around my wrist before fastening the clasp.

"You were always saying how much you loved my dad's carvings; it took me forever to get it perfect."

"Wait, you made this?" I asked in astonishment, it was so detailed for something so tiny.

"Yip."

"Thank you Jake, I think you might have just toped Jasper's present."

"Really?" He asked excitedly, a huge grin on his face. "What did he get you?"

"A Zippo with our initials engraved into it, I thought it was really sweet." I explained.

He laughed light-heartedly as if he didn't have a care in the world; I had always loved that about him. He was so free spirited.

"Do you want a drink?" I asked him, my voice rising over the blare of the music.

"Sure, sure."

I took his hand, leading him into the kitchen. I found the bottle of Jack Daniels pouring in a double shot before topping it up with coke. I handed it to Jacob as he grinned appreciatively at me.

"You know me so well, Bells." He remarked.

"I'd be worried if I didn't." I replied nostalgically. I still missed him, more than I was willing to admit.

"What are you drinking?"

"Vodka."

"Ah, did I need to ask?"

"Nope."

We both laughed. Jake was like me in the way that I mainly stuck to one drink. I was a vodka girl and he was a JD and coke guy. We had joked about it often.

"Would you like to dance birthday girl?" He asked taking my hand in his.

I nodded, downing the rest of my drink before following him out into the living room. Kashmir by Led Zeppelin was playing as Jake put his hands on my hips, he moved in close, his hands guiding my movements as he danced to the beat of the music. I was pleasantly warm, a little after tipsy but not yet drunk by my standards. It was nice to have Jake's warn body close to mine once more, it seemed like more than three weeks since we'd broken up.

I sighed a little as I stared up into his big brown eyes, he looked back down at me, his long lashes making him look sexier than ever. Could we try again? Could we make things work, go back to how we were before life got so complicated?

I took a chance, rising up onto my tiptoes; even with heels on Jacob still towered over me, my lips touched his. They were warm and soft and comforting and for a fleeting moment hope flared inside of me, I remembered what love felt like and wanted it so badly… but a second later his strong hands were pushing me away, rejecting me. The hurt stung so deeply, breath struggled to find my lungs.

"You don't want me?" I choked out, the hurt was thick in my voice, laid bare in front of him.

"Bella…" He looked at me with guilt and pity, it made me sick. "It's not that I don't want you…"

"Don't." I cut him off, holding my hand up between us like a barrier, as if it could protect me now. "Just don't." I shook my head, turning to go back to the kitchen.

He caught my arm, pulling me back to him. I struggled trying to break his grasp but he was too strong, it angered me that he had the power to control me like this.

"Let go!" I screamed in his face, angry tears falling down my cheeks. "Just leave, Jake. Just go."

He recoiled releasing my arm and I spun on my heels, forcing my way back to the kitchen. I picked up the nearest bottle of vodka, pulled the cap off violently and threw it across the room, next, I kicked my stupid shoes off; my feet were killing me. A couple of people turned to look at me but I didn't really care. I wiped the tears from my face, gulping down the clear liquid with adamant. Why did I always do this to myself? I swear I must be some kind of masochist, the amount of crap I put myself though.

I went back into the living room, clutching the vodka for dear life. I spotted Jasper and Alice by the door, they were talking to someone I couldn't see. I made my way over, swigging large mouthfuls from the bottle as I went. When I was a few feet away, I finally saw who it was they were with. Edward was arguing with Jasper, he looked angry, as did Jaz; Alice was trying to hold her boyfriend back.

I froze, my heart began racing in my chest. Why was he here? Hadn't he told me to stay away from him, so why would he come here?

"Bella?" Edward had spotted me, his face lit up when he said my name, his body visibly relaxed.

Both Jasper and Alice turned at the mention of my name, Jasper still looked angry but Alice was wearing a different expression. She looked anxious and slightly sick.

"Please Edward, don't cause a scene." I heard her beg her brother.

"What are you doing here, Edward?" I asked warily.

"I came to wish you a happy birthday."

Jasper glared at him, he was still sour from Joliet, so was I for that matter.

"Piss off Cullen." He spat at Edward.

"Bella…" Edward beseeched. "I just was to talk, to explain."

He looked so sincere and my heart was telling me to give him a chance, my head however was screaming for the exact opposite.

"Okay." I mumbled with a small nod of my head.

"Bella!" Jasper remarked turning his glare to me. I glared back for all of thirty seconds before he looked away defeated. "Fine, whatever." He huffed storming off into the crowd.

Alice hung back, she was facing away from me as she stared intently at her brother but he didn't so much as glance at her, his eyes stayed trained to me. Eventually she left, following Jasper, perhaps to calm him down.

"So, what do you have to say?" I asked, playing absently with the bracelet Jacob had given me.

"I'm sorry," He said simply, the look of guilt on his face was enough to melt my heart. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Bella. That was never my intention."

"So why did you?" I interrupted meekly, my voice sounded small and frail.

"Because I like you."

I snorted at the absurdity of his answer, what were we five? This wasn't like pulling a little girls pigtails in the playground.

"Do you treat every girl you like, like crap?" I asked.

"I don't 'like' girls. Not before you anyway. To me it's always just casual sex, a quick fuck here and there… but with you; you could _never_ be just casual sex, Bella. You're so much more than that. I got scared, I pushed you away, it was cowardly of me and for that I am deeply sorry."

"I… I don't know what to say…" I stuttered feebly. "I just got out of a serious relationship; I don't want to get hurt because you don't know what you want."

"I understand, Bella." He said softly, his eyes a pool of emotion.

"Thank you."

"Anyway," He smiled, his tone cheerier than before. "It's your birthday, let's just have a good time and worry about the difficult stuff tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay." I agreed feeling lighter already.

"I have something for you, a present." He whispered taking a step closer to me.

"What is it?" I asked just as softly, taking a tentative step towards him.

He reached into his pocket, pulling something out before enclosing it in his fist. He leaned in close, his mouth right next to my ear.

"Something special, something to make your night a little more exciting if you want it."

I shivered at the closeness of his body and the sound of his words.

"Okay…" I said, unsure of his meaning.

He pulled back, revelling a little white pill in the palm of his hand; it had a lightning bolt ingrained in the centre. I looked up at him, surprised that this was what he was offering me. It was ecstasy. I had never tried it before but had heard it was a trip to remember.

I took the pill from his palm, placing it to my lips. Edward's hand caught my wrist, his eyes serious.

"Are you sure?" He asked carefully.

I nodded once.

"I trust you." And then I swallowed it.

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	9. Nine

**It's been like a month since I've updated! God! The first two weeks were due to being in a different country and then I came home ill so yeah that's my excuse. Sorry.**

**I also just realised I don't warn you guys about smut… WARNING! Well pretty much the entire story is sex and drugs and alcohol that's why it's rated M but this chapter is ninety percent sex.**

**I'll try updating sooner next time! Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.**

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**Vodka and Nicotine**

Chapter Nine

_Ecstasy: noun - A state in which the mind is elevated above the reach of ordinary impressions._

I felt my feet fall out from beneath me and everything went quiet, as though the music had suddenly just stopped. Edward's strong hands pulled me back to my feet, holding me close to him, supporting my weight easily. It felt as though every inch of our bodies were touching, I could feel the damp of sweat through his shirt but I didn't care, if I could stay like this forever I would. I felt his breath tickle my ear as he put his mouth to it, his words were soft and all that filled my ears; there was still no music, strangely.

"I want you."

His words sent a shiver down my spine, the hairs on the back of my neck prickled in anticipation and I felt myself grow wet for him. His hand ran down the length of my back, stopping at the curve of my buttocks where it lingered.

"You can have me." My voice sounded odd to my ears, it didn't sound like me at all but the words were all too true. I was his, he need not ask.

Still supporting me he led me to my bedroom, swerving in and out of the crowd who were still dancing to the music I could no longer hear. Once inside he locked the door behind us, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. I bit my lip roughly, he was just so goddamn irresistible.

"Why don't you give me that." He said taking the bottle of vodka from my hand.

I hadn't realised I was still holding it, my fingers were stiff from gripping it so tightly. I was still thirsty and far too hot but Edward was touching me now, his hands pure pleasure to my skin, the feeling of his fingers on my skin was all I could think of, nothing else mattered to me right now.

He traced invisible patterns on my arms and back, the sensation of his skin running gently along mine was like nothing I had ever felt before; somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that this was the drugs doing.

I groaned as he slowly undone the zip on the back of my dress, letting the fabric flutter freely to the floor where it pooled in a pile of red and black silk. I stood in nothing but a black lace thong, totally exposed before him. His eyes roamed freely across my nakedness stopping to stare at the small curves of my chest before he brought his hand up to gently caress the milky flesh of my breast, his thumb brushed across my nipple sending a wave of pure pleasure throughout my body.

"Fuck me." I whimpered breathlessly pushing myself into his hand.

"I will," He grinned, exposing a set of gleaming white teeth; I wanted to run my tongue over them. "First you need water."

His lips touched the hollow under my ear briefly, they were slick with salvia as if he had just wet them with his tongue. Again, the sensation brought a tiny groan from my lips. I hadn't realised my eyes had been closed until I opened them, Edward was nowhere to be seen.

I blinked shaking my head to try and clear my thoughts. I brushed lose strands of hair from my face, they were plastered to my forehead which was slick with sweat.

Edward returned moments later with a tumbler of water, which he handed me carefully.

"Drink this." He told me, raising my hand and the cup to my lips.

I took a small sip, testing it before gulping down the refreshing liquid. It slipped down my throat easily, helping to quell the terrible thirst I had been feeling. It took me less than ten seconds to drain the cup of its contents; it helped my thirst a little but left me wanting more.

Edward took the cup from me, placing it on the table beside my bed then he was in front of me again his eyes boring into mine with such intensity I was slightly alarmed.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my voice was shaky.

He shook his head, his eyes stayed trained to mine as he continued to stare. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable under his gaze, suddenly very aware of just how naked I was. I wrapped my arms protectively around my chest, trying to cover myself as best as I could and then his lips were on mine again.

They were soft and hard, light and heavy they were gently and rough, sweet and passionate… his kiss left me dizzy and confused and totally and utterly desperate for more.

"Edward." I moaned his name through our joined lips, my hands now fists in his tresses.

His lips continued their assault on mine, his tongue had now joined in and was doing the most divine of things. Slowly Edward began to walk us back toward the bed until my knees hit the edge and I began to fall, pulling him with me, on top of me.

I was slightly disgusted by the amount of clothes he was wearing while I was virtually naked, my hands clawed at his shirt, numbly swiping at the buttons but having no effect. I felt a warm rush of air over my face as he laughed at my futile attempts to disrobe him. His hands left my face briefly, while his lips continued their magic, to quickly and expertly unbutton his shirt, tossing it dismissively aside.

I liked this new expanse of flesh, my hands danced along his bare back, my fingertips grazed light trails along his sticky skin while I sucked possessively on his bottom lip. We both groaned loudly when I bucked my hips up, his erection grinding into me through the thin fabric of my panties. Shit I was _so _fucking horny. I needed him right now more than I needed air.

"Edward…" I though I was going to suffocate the air was so thick with lust and desperation.

I thought I heard him growl, his teeth pinching my lip sharply only causing me to moan louder.

My hands found his hair again, grabbing and pulling and god just fucking feeling it between my fingers because shit it was the softest hair I had ever felt.

The sound of his fly unzipping, followed by the soft rumple of fabric told me he was no longer wearing pants and fuck I could feel his dick on my leg which meant his boxers were gone too.

His lips trailed soft, open mouth kissed down my neck to my collarbone, then down the curve of my breast until he reached the small pink peek of my nipple. His mouth suddenly enveloped it, causing a tiny hiss to break free from my lips. His mouth was hot and wet and so delicious on the sensitive flesh, I forced my eyes closed, squeezing them shut tightly and trying my hardest not to rip the poor boys hair out. His tongue swirled little circles and his lips sucked light and heavy, his breath blew cold on the wetness he'd left causing goosebumps to raise.

I sucked in a large gulp of air as his mouth continued it's journey south, stopping briefly to dip into the hollow of my navel, my chest rose and fell quickly as I struggled to keep my breathing even. My nerves really were in overdrive; his lips really shouldn't feel this good, should they?

He'd finally arrived at my underwear, exactly where I wanted him to be and my heart was thundering in my chest, the anticipation was killing me as he hooked a finger in the side followed by another. I lifted my hips eagerly as he pulled the fabric down my thighs, over my knees and then tossed them on the floor leaving me totally exposed beneath him.

He sucked in a deep breath, his eyes drinking me in with an expression of pure unadulterated lust. I felt sexy despite the sweat slicking my skin, or the eyeliner smeared under my eyes because the way he was looking at me right now made me feel like the hottest girl on the fucking planet and for tonight I was, at least in his eyes anyway.

He grinned mischievously before dipping his head between my legs and before I could prepare myself, his mouth was on my cunt, his tongue licking straight up the centre.

"Nuhuu…" Coherency really wasn't on my side tonight but I didn't give a fuck, if he did that again words would no longer matter; and he did and they didn't.

He ran circles of salvia around my clit, teasing as I groaned and moaned and thrust and writhed, desperate for more. Two fingers plunged inside of me pumping in and out, in and out as his tongue licked and his mouth sucked and soon, I was grasping the bed sheets for dear life silently urging him on.

There was a mantra of _plasepleasepleasepleaseplease _looping through my mind but my teeth were tightly clamped together, words failing me because trying to string any kind of sentence together was clearly out of the question at this precise moment in time.

I arched my back, forcing myself farther into his mouth as his fingers curled inside of me, hitting that sensitive little bumpy spot which brought me to the end. I came hard, crying out as I shuddered in ecstasy.

"Mmm." Was all I could manage, lying sweaty and still horny as hell, tangled in bed sheets with a beautiful boy between my legs. Oh yes, and off my fucking face on E.

He grinned up at me, licking his lips leisurely. I pulled him up roughly to meet my lips. I could taste myself on his tongue as he probed my mouth, flicking and massaging and generally turning me into a big pile of Bella goo.

"I'm going to fuck you now." He whispered into my ear before scooting us further up the bed so my head was resting on the pillow.

"Please do." I replied all husk and grit.

He licked the edge of my jaw all wet and seductive like he was tasting me, a huge grin crossed his face before he positioned himself over me, his emerald eyes locked onto mine.

He was completely silent then, we both were and I was suddenly aware of the music from outside like someone had suddenly just un-muted it or something. Because I want you by Placebo was playing louder than I remember the volume being before. The words rang in my ears as Brian Molko sang about wanting someone and being afraid to be alone, The only other sound was Edward's and my breathing as he continued to stare into my eyes, unmoving.

"What happened to the fucking?" My voice sounded unnaturally loud.

"Patience," He responded softly before slowly, tortuously, sliding into me, his girth stretching me wide for him. "Is a virtue." And with that, he was fully inside me, filling me.

I held my breath momentarily stunned at just how _full _I felt and how fucking amazing it felt to be so full. He slid almost all the way back out, leaving me shockingly empty before sliding back in just as slowly as the first time. I was overwhelmed by just how fucking _good_ it felt. If I thought the kissing had been good it was nothing compared to this. Every single nerve in my body was screaming right now. As each inch of his cock slid into me, I was slowly coming undone and he had hardly even started yet, it just felt so goddamn _good_.

"Fuck." It was spit through gritted teeth as I tried to hold myself together.

Edward's lips were at my tits, licking and sucking and nipping and generally being all for the whole 'Bella falling apart' scenario. I bit down on my lip as moan after moan emanated from me.

Every touch, every slight movement… they were all heightened beyond anything I was familiar with. It was both scrumptiously satisfying and devastatingly overpowering at the same time, too much yet too little. God I was going to die from pleasure.

His pace quickened slightly, his lips briefly brushing against mine before burying themselves in my neck all teeth and tongue with the sucking and… fuck me I was going to come. I let go, barely even aware of the primal noise that escaped my lips as I climaxed for the second time in fifteen fucking minutes.

Edward continued on his quest for release, milking himself in me as my muscles contracted around him. He moaned throatily through his orgasm, resting his sweaty forehead on my shoulder.

"Oh. My. God." I breathed heavily, slightly shocked I could still talk.

"No, it's just Edward." He replied cocky as shit.

I tried not to groan and roll my eyes at his arrogance but after that little performance, he could be as arrogant as he pleased.

"I've never… It's never… _God_!"

He chuckled pulling out of me with a soft little _plop_, before rolling over onto his back next to me.

"Sex on E is little nothing in this world." He said simply, his eyes drifting shut.

"No fucking shit." I laughed still breathless.

I watched his lips curl up into a small smile while the rest of him remained still.

"I want to dance." I stated stupidly, the music from next door seemed to be even louder than before.

"You're naked." Edward stated.

I snorted.

"I know, I have clothes."

"You stay high longer with your first pill, this isn't my first pill Bella, I don't want to dance." He said somewhat sourly.

I frowned at this.

"What do you want to do then?"

He shrugged, eyes still closed, body still unmoving. He looked so relaxed, so uncaring.

"You should drink some more water." This time his eyes did open, his head turning to face me.

"I feel okay." I protested.

"You may feel it but E dehydrates you and you've been drinking heavily and exerting yourself… physically. You need to re-hydrate yourself."

"Okay." I nodded. I was no drug expert and if Edward told me I needed to hydrate, I guess that's what I should do.

I got to my feet slipping into my crumpled dress, I reached around pulling the zip up as Edward watched lazily from my bed, still butt naked, not that I was complaining. I grabbed the glass from the table making my way to the door.

"I'll be right back." I said turning to Edward, who nodded.

It was still crowded in the living room, people were dancing and drinking and talking. I say still but I had absolutely no idea what time it was. For all I knew it was only early.

I quickly made my way through the crowd heading for the kitchen where I filled my glass with water, downed it then refilled to sip slowly. The alcohol situation looked poor and I knew it was going to be one helluva clean up operation in the morning. Fantastic. Hangover's never put me in the cleaning mood, not to mention the comedown, fuck knows what that would be like.

"Isabella Maria Swan, where the _fuck_ have you been hiding!" Jasper scolded from the doorway.

I grinned at him, so frigging happy to see him I skipped over, throwing my arms tightly around him. He stiffened slightly probably wanting to play the pissed card but he folded quickly returning the embrace.

"I missed you!" I mumbled into his shirt.

He chuckled sending little vibrations up my chin before patting my head affectionately.

"Come dance, Alice is getting bored of grinding." He said.

I gasped in fake shock, lifting a hand to my mouth.

"Bored of grinding? What the fuck, Jaz!"

He rolled his eyes, taking a hold of my hand and leading me out onto the dance floor, which by the way, Alice fucked, owned right now.

She was by far the prettiest girl here and the only one who could dance worth a fuck. If I were gay, I would so do her.

"Bella!" She shrieked when she saw us.

I threw my arms around her just as I had done with Jasper and she squeezed me back tightly.

"Dance with me?" She asked coyly, fluttering her eyelashes at me.

I grinned taking her hand and began swaying my hips along to the beat moving in close to her. I closed my eyes letting my body take over as I gave myself up to the music. It felt good to just move, feeling bodies pressed up against me as I swayed and rocked.

I don't know how long I'd been dancing when Alice pressed her lips to my ear, amusement in her voice.

"Jaz is jealous." She giggled.

I opened my eyes to see Jasper staring in our direction a look I couldn't quite place on his face, he faked a yawn when he saw I was looking. Poor boy, I was hogging his girlfriend.

"Sorry," I mouthed over to him with a small grin, dragging Alice over to where he was standing. "I'm here to return your girlfriend."

"Why thank you Bella, how considerate of you," He grinned at us. "It's not like I was waiting or anything."

Waiting. Shit. Edward. I'd left him in my room, how long had I been out here?

"I need to pee." I told them both before practically running to my room.

I knew he was gone without even turning the light on but I did anyway. My sheets were the same tangled mess they were when I had left but now there was no naked boy on them. Shoot. That boy confused the hell out of me. Ignoring me, pursuing me, getting me high, fucking me and now… leaving me.

I sighed sinking down onto my sheets, which smelled of sex and his cologne, the pillow he had been laying on still had a little indent where his head had been. I pressed my face into it, like a complete loser, and inhaled deeply. That smell was like heaven, God I was never washing this pillow ever again.

I closed my eyes wearily wondering what the hell I was going to about this whole situation, because my god I could not keep this up. It was far too exhausting.


	10. Ten

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.**

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**Vodka and Nicotine**

Chapter Ten

_Comedown: noun - The unpleasant after effects of drug use._

I groaned irritably as I slowly began to regain consciousness, my head hurt. I mean, my head, really fucking hurt. It felt like someone had decided to play soccer with it all night long and I'd somehow managed to sleep through the event. I slowly opened my eyes to the morning glare coming through my window, the curtains were wide open and the room was filled with light, which did nothing for my headache.

I was lying on top of my bed sheets still wearing my dress from last night. I remembered Edward, the ecstasy, the incredible sex and then his disappearance. I felt exhausted despite my sleep and although I wanted nothing more than to tear this stupid fucking dress off, burrow under the covers and sink into oblivion… I could hear clanking coming from the kitchen and decided further investigation was needed.

I grumbled where movement caused further pain to the head region but managed to make my way lethargically to the source of noise. Alice was washing a pile of dirty plates and cups while Jasper cleared empty bottles into black bin bags.

"Hello." I said groggily, trying to smile appreciatively at them. I think it came out as more of a grimace.

"Geez Bella, you look worse than I feel." Jasper laughed.

"Gee thanks." I replied, my words dripping with sarcasm.

They were both in the same clothes as last night having spent the night in my mom's room. Yesterday we decided it would be easier for them to just crash here instead of trying to get cabs so late and so drunk.

I shuffled over to the fridge in search of something to fill my rumbling stomach; I was absolutely starving, having skipped dinner last night.

"Who wants breakfast?" I asked them both. After all, it was the least I could do after they cleaned my kitchen for me.

"Mmm yes please." Alice chirped wiping her soapy hands on a dishtowel.

Jasper also accepted, taking a break from the cleaning as I started to prepare pancake and eggs. It was something my dad and I had done every Sunday morning. Pancake and eggs day we'd call it. My father had made the most divine scrambled eggs and although he had taught me well, I could never quite perfect them the way he had. It didn't mean they weren't awesome though.

We ate while talking and laughing about some of the antics that had gone on last night, I took two aspirin and grumbled about how shit I felt. Jasper laughed and Alice gave me a worried expression, did she know about the E?

"I'm surprised there aren't any naked people on my floor, how did you manage to get everyone out?" I asked casually between forkfuls of food.

"Easy as pie. When I tell people to get the fuck out, they get the fuck out." He grinned.

"Thanks guys. I really appreciate you helping out." I declared, full of sincerity.

They both brushed it off, saying 'friends do shit for friends'; well that's what Jasper said anyway.

Eventually Alice said she had to get home if she wanted to make it to school before lunch. I however had never intended on attending at all contrary to my mothers beliefs.

"You're going to school?" I asked in disbelief. Sure, it was a school day but we'd been up late.

She nodded.

"I wouldn't bother but my English teacher's being a bitch and giving us a test, my dad will give me a lecture about grades and college if I miss it." She rolled her eyes at the thought.

"Ah, I get it. Thanks for coming, Alice. It was fun."

"Anytime. I'll call you, kay?"

"Sure."

Of course when Alice left, Jasper was sure to follow, making sure she got home okay. When they were gone, I sighed a little not really in the mood to sit on my own all day but I had no one else to call. I remembered last night's events with Jacob and felt my eyes start to sting. I had made such a fool of myself. What was I thinking? God.

I made my way back to my bedroom wearily. I was feeling extremely exhausted and was starting to feel really down. I pulled the curtains closed, trying to block out what little light I could. I pulled off the dress I was wearing replacing it with a tank top and a pair of shorts and shit it felt so much better! Comfort at last.

I burrowed into the mattress pulling the cover right up to my chin; there was nothing better than snuggling under the duvet especially when I knew I should be in trig right now. Getting comfortable was easy but finding sleep was not. I tried to keep my mind blank but some trivial thought would pop up and distract me making it even harder. I thought about Alice and Jasper and just how happy I was for them both, even though I was slightly jealous and sceptical to begin with. I thought about missing class and what I would have to catch up on and then I thought about Edward. The minute I let the thought cross my mind it would not leave.

I couldn't understand him at all. He was as much a mystery to me now as he was that first night I met him and it frustrated me to no end. Last night he said he liked me, that I was much more than just casual sex yet still he left right after the sex part. What did that mean? Was he just saying that to get back in my pants? I doubted it; a guy like Edward could have any girl he wanted, why waste his time on me?

I huffed in defeat; there was no way I was going to get to sleep right now, no matter how tired I was. I went to the bathroom, stripping off then stepping into the shower. I turned the water up hot, too hot but I needed the scolding liquid so bad right now. I still had the beautiful silver bracelet that Jake made me on. I lifted it closer to my face, surveying the way the little wolf hung from the chain and just how perfect the detail was on the tiny piece of wood. Why would he go to so much trouble… put in so much effort just to reject me? To push me away when I was giving myself to him?

Before I could stop myself, a sob had escaped from my lips and tears were sliding down my cheek, mingling with the water from the shower. I had never considered myself to be insecure but for some reason Jake's rejection was making me question why he had been with me to begin with. Not just Jake but now Edward. It seemed like all he wanted to stick around for was sex. I mean, had I _ever_ had a conversation with that boy? I don't remember just talking to him… I knew nothing about him… just that he was amazing in bed. Christ. How fucking pathetic.

The steamy water wasn't doing anything for my tiredness and I was becoming increasingly irritated with myself and the now rather loud sobbing. I tried quieting myself by clamping my hand over my mouth but somehow this made it worse. Shit was I having some kind of a breakdown? I just knew I felt totally crap. This had to be the comedown, right? There was no way I would act like such a loser on my own…

I slumped down to the bottom of the shower, wrapping my arms around my legs, holding myself together as hot water cascaded down my back. Things had just got so fucked up lately. I had let myself become so attached to Edward, he was more than a good fuck and I knew it but it seemed like he was two different people. The first guy wanted to get to know me; he apologised for acting like a dick and said he liked me. The second guy pushed me away; he gave me drugs, fucked me and then left… who was the real Edward Cullen? I just didn't know.

I cried for a little while, sitting on the bottom of the shower feeling sorry for myself as the hot water slowly ran out. Eventually I pulled myself together and finished my shower normally, got dressed and returned to my room. I needed a cigarette. Badly.

After I found my carton of Marlboro's I draped myself across the bed, legs dangling over the edge. I used my brand new zippo to light it; Jasper really was amazing, he always knew exactly what to get me. The nicotine took the edge off of my foul mood, it calmed and soothed me in a way only nicotine could.

I watched the smoke rise as I blew perfect rings from my mouth, a trick I had perfected soon after I had began smoking. I liked how I could manipulate the grey wisps so easily; I could even make it look kind of _pretty_.

I snorted at just how retarded that sounded… even in my head. My phone started to ring and I grabbed it quickly from beside my bed, my cigarette hanging limply from my lips.

"Yello?" I answered.

"Yellow?" It was Alice.

"No. Yello." I giggled.

"Okay… Yellow to you to." I could hear the bafflement in her voice.

"How'd the test go, Ali?" I asked, taking a drag of my cigarette.

"So so. How's your head?"

"Meh, it's been better but I'll live." I informed her.

There was silence for a moment as she paused either to think or to work up the nerve for what she was about to say.

"Bella… can I talk to you about something?" She asked nervously, I could imagine a look of worry on her face as she twisted her hands in knots.

"Of course you can, what's on your mind?"

"It's about Edward…"

An odd feeling overcame me then. I cold tingle ran down my body, from my head to the very tips of my toes. I remembered the way she had looked last night when he had turned up and it was making my stomach do very weird things.

"What about him?" I asked carefully, my cigarette was gone now and I briefly considered getting another one to help me through what I guessed was going to be a very awkward conversation.

"It's more than sex right?"

I blenched totally taken aback by how forward she was. It was more than sex, I knew that… but did I want to share that fact with Alice?

"Yes." I whispered. I trusted her.

"I thought so… I just wanted to make sure, before I talked to you. I know how my brother can act and I've tried talking to him, god I really have tried Bella but he's just so stubborn, he won't listen." She sighed heavily before continuing.

"He's not like other guys. He's not even close. Edward has a very unique outlook on life and sometimes it makes him act like an arrogant jerk. I know he likes you; he's my brother I know him a lot better than he thinks I do but he has a very hard time admitting any kind of weakness. In Edward's mind you're a weakness, you make him feel and act different from how he normally acts and it scares the shit out of him and so he pushes you away. I don't think he's ready for the change, Bella. He can't be with you as he is, yet the thought of becoming something different isn't an option. We're friends, Bella and I don't want to see you get hurt." She explained calmly, she sounded irritated at her brother's behaviour but also patient, I could tell she loved him dearly.

"I don't understand, are you telling me to stay away from him?" The very thought made my heart twist painfully.

"There are things about him which you don't know, things that could hurt you…" Her voice was pained.

"What do you mean?" She was being so evasive.

"I know about the drugs last night… this isn't just a little weed and alcohol, Bella. Edward takes things too far; he doesn't know when to stop."

So she did know about the drugs, that would explain all the weirdness but what did she mean by taking things too far?

"Are you saying he's an addict, Alice?"

"I'm saying he parties a little too hard a little too often. It's fucking him up…" She sounded scared now, her voice tiny. "I don't want you to get caught up in his issues."

"I'm a big girl, Alice. I appreciate you telling me this, you have no idea how happy it makes me that you feel you have to worry for me but it's too late… I can't walk away from him now."

I heard her sigh; take a sharp intake of breath and then exhale.

"I figured as much, I just want you to be careful okay? At least now you know what to expect… but Bella, don't fall into his habits even if you feel that's what you need to do to get closer to him."

"I'll be careful, thank you."

"Anytime." Her voice brightened and soon she was trying to talk me into a shopping trip later in the week, just us girls.

I had never had a 'girlfriend', I tended to get on so much better with guys and so I had never done the whole shopping thing, I almost always bought my clothes online and it was easy… but maybe shopping with Alice would be fun too? I decided to give in out of curiosity but mostly to make Alice happy, she sounded so excited and when I agreed, she squealed happily, probably permanently damaging my eardrum in the process.

We made plans for Thursday after school then said bye. I mulled over everything she had said to me, to be honest it just confused me even more and I hadn't thought that possible. So Edward was a heavy partier, he had issues but didn't everyone? I knew I had mine. Maybe I was just deluding myself, maybe I had no chance and was just wasting my time… but there was something about him, something which drew me in, something that enticed me. I couldn't walk away, even if it meant getting hurt. I was in too deep now and even though it scared the shit out of me, I couldn't help but want more.

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**The next chapter's already written, I actually had it done before this one but I'm not sure if I want to add in a little extra chapter where Alice and Bella go shopping… I'm undecided at this point in time, what does everyone think? If I just go with what I already have there should be an update pretty soon if not there will be a wait.**

**Again I'd like to take the time to thank everyone who's left a review, they really are gold to me, I love hearing what you all think. Also thank you to anyone who adds this to your favourites or your alerts.**


	11. Eleven

**This is my favourite chapter so far so I hope it's well liked!**

**A couple people said they wanted to see the Bella and Alice shopping trip as a chapter but I decided against it, maybe I'll add it in as an outtake when I've finished. Sorry guys but this is an angst story!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.**

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**Vodka and Nicotine**

Chapter Eleven

_Mourning: noun - The act of sorrowing or expressing grief._

The sky was overcast, grey and cloudy. It depicted exactly how I felt. There was a large oak tree towering over the little grey tombstone, I had always found it calming, protective, like it was watching over him. I knew that was stupid, it was just a tree after all and my father wasn't even here, just whatever remained of his decomposed body in a wooden box buried six feet under my feet.

"Hey dad." I said softly, reaching a hand out to touch the smooth stone. It was cold and hard and made the grief worse. There was no trace of my father left here but it was as close to him as I could get and I needed that right now.

I sat cross-legged on the grass, laying down the little bunch of freesia's I had bought. I always bought flowers when I visited. My mom thought it was stupid she'd say 'Bella don't be ridiculous, who's going to see them?' and I'd ignore her every time. I saw them and that was good enough for me.

I took in a deep breath of fresh air. I could smell damp soil and fresh cut grass, it made me smile for a reason I couldn't understand. These were the smells my dad loved. Charlie Swan was a small town man, he was born and raised in Forks, Washington and loved it dearly. He met my mom while she was hiking, taking a year out before college. They fell in love and my dad gave up his hometown for her but he never stopped loving it.

The day my father died it felt like my world had ended. I was fourteen years old and worshiped the ground he walked on. He was brave and smart and funny. He was my hero and my best friend and then he was taken from me. He left for work like any other day. He'd kissed me goodbye, walked out the door and never come home. I cried for two weeks.

My father was a police officer. He helped to keep Chicago safe from all the weirdo's out there. He was shot twice in the chest for trying to stop a robbery. The bastard stepped over my dad who was bleeding to death and got away with $310. My dad's life was only worth three hundred and ten fucking dollars. The guy was eventually caught. He got ten years. Ten years for murdering my father. For taking him away from me forever. My dad lost his life and he gets ten years of having his food cooked for him. It made me sick.

"I miss you daddy," I whispered, squeezing my eyes closed. I could feel the tears starting to well and wanted desperately to hold them at bay. "I miss your laugh. I miss how you saw the good in everything, the glass was always half full in your eyes, I miss having a half-full glass, now everything's so empty. I miss talking to you…" A small sob escaped my lips then and I felt myself losing control.

Soft footsteps made there way towards me. I was glad he was here; I needed him so bad right now. He would be my rock and I would cling to him for as long as I could. He laid his big hand on my shoulder, that one gesture saying it all.

"Hey beautiful." Jasper greeted me as he slowly sat down beside me.

In his hands were a bottle of vodka and a bunch of violets. They were beautiful. Jasper lay them down next to the freesias before handing me the bottle. I accepted it gladly, probably a little too gladly. Alcohol and grief were a sour mix but if it numbed the pain for a little while, I would drink away my sorrows for as long as necessary.

"Thanks Jasper. Thank you for being here." I told him softly, my throat was dry and scratchy.

"Hey," He took my hand, his big blue eyes staring intently into mine. "I will be here for you whenever you need me. I will always be here Bella, so whenever you're feeling blue you just holler and I promise to come runnin' with a bottle of Russia's finest."

He smiled and I returned it weakly, squeezing his hand gently in appreciation.

I hadn't spoken about my dad with Jasper. He knew the basics. He died four years ago, we were extremely close and I had taken it hard. Jacob had been my confidant. Jake's dad was also a cop, over the years he and my dad had become great friends so when he died I spent a lot of time at the Black's house. Jake knew how much he meant to me, knew how difficult I had it and he was there for me. He listened to old stories and shared some of his own and he helped so goddamn much. I thought he would have called today, I thought he might have shown up here… but after my birthday, I guess he just didn't care anymore.

"I wish he was still here." I croaked, my voice close to breaking.

"I know sugar. Life's a cruel son of a bitch."

I nodded. Life was indeed cruel. After my dad died, I was in pieces. Renée crashed and burned. She totally shut down, started drinking all day and I'd hear her cry herself to sleep at night. Eventually she started functioning again but with a new goal in life. To fuck as many people as possible. I never understood how she went from heart-broken and distraught to horny and whorish but I guess that was her coping mechanism. She refused to talk about Charlie even to this day and our relationship pretty much ended. In a way, I lost two parents. I sometimes wondered how my life would have turned out had he still been here.

"Do you believe in life after death?" I asked him softly.

He raised an eyebrow, a little taken aback my question.

"I don't believe in heaven or hell, if that's what you're asking. I don't believe in God or any other almighty being," He smiled a little, the corners of his mouth twitching. "But I believe life is bigger than this, than this world, these people… violence and disaster and murder…" He frowned, glancing sideways at me. "I don't think death is the end. If it is then what's the point? No, I'm sure there something after this world and I think it's something spectacular."

"So… so you think he's… happy? At peace?" I asked timidly.

"I'm sure he's missin' you just as bad as you're missin' him baby girl."

I bit my lip, nodding violently. The tears couldn't be held back this time and I let them fall. Warm and salty trails that slid slowly down my cheeks accompanied by little sobs that shook my shoulders.

I wanted to believe Jasper. I wanted to believe that my dad was in a better place and not just a pile of bones, his mind and soul gone forever. If I believed he was out there somewhere… watching over me or some shit like that… it made it just a little bit better.

By now tears where streaming down my face and the sobs were getting steadily louder and harder. It was inevitable and I knew it. I always broke down, always let my emotions take over… because to be truthful my dad deserved it. He deserved my sorrow, my grief. He deserved to be mourned because he was the best person I knew.

Jasper pulled me to him, his arms encasing me in his warm embrace. I clutched him roughly, holding onto the only person who really cared about me. He smoothed my hair lovingly as I let the sobs wrack my body, I just needed to cry, to get this out of my system.

"Shh, just let it all out." Jaz soothed, I cried harder not for my father but out of love for my friend. He was everything I needed him to be, exactly when I needed it. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Jasper held me for the longest time, I clung to him desperately and eventually the sobs stopped and the tears dried.

"Don't let go." I whispered hoarsely. He didn't.

"What was he like?" Jasper asked a little while later.

"He was my hero," I smiled. "He was the kindest guy out there, he'd help anyone who needed it and it would make his day, you know, doing a good deed and all. He was the best father a girl could ask for. He'd look out for me and he'd listen to me. He'd tell me stories and he'd play shadow puppets with me."

"Shadow puppets are pretty cool."

"Yeah…" I grinned a little, my head resting on Jasper's shoulder. "It's getting late." I said softly, I didn't expect him to stay here with me forever, just to get me through the worst of it but I wasn't ready to leave yet and this was my way of telling him it was okay to go.

"Will you stay?" He asked.

"For a little while but I'll be okay." I pulled away from the hug, stretching my arms high over my head.

"You sure?"

"Promise." I reassured him.

"Call me if you need me, okay?"

"I will."

He kissed the top of my head before getting to his feet, he took one last lingering look before turning and walking back in the direction he had come from. I sighed when he was gone. It was starting to get dark now, I must have been here for hours but it didn't feel like it at all. I took in a lung full of air followed by a swig of the vodka Jasper had left, then I closed my eyes and let the memories wash over me.

His favourite colour was green because it reminded him of the outdoors. His favourite song was wish you were here by Pink Floyd. He loved steak and apple pie. He couldn't decide which was better, beer or coffee so he'd drink them together. He told jokes that only I got and when he drove me places he'd wink at me from the mirror. He took me to Forks a couple of times and we went fishing and I loved every minute of it because I was with him.

I opened my eyes to a inky sky and felt totally cheated. I couldn't see the stars. That's the one thing I hated about the city. I wanted to lay on my back, staring up at blackness and see millions of tiny little lights staring back at me. It's something my dad and I had loved to do in Forks. We'd lay on damp grass, flasks of coffee by our sides, pointing out constellations and making up our own. I missed him so fucking much. Slowly the tears began to fall again.

I started to feel heavy drops of rain on my face, only a few at first but then much heavier quicker than I could comprehend. It was a sudden onslaught of wet and pressure pushing down on me yet I didn't move. I sat cross-legged on the grass, letting the rain lash me over and over drenching me quickly so that my shirt clung to my arms and my jeans stuck to my legs.

My face with slick with both tears and rain, they mingled together in perfect harmony as I cried softly, head bent, sopping hair curtaining around me. Would it ever get easier? Would the pain dull as the years went by until finally I could remember him with a fondness without these tears and heartache? Did I really want that? Not to feel pain sting my chest when I thought of him? The pain kept him real for me, reminded me he really had been here.

I felt him sit down next to me although he didn't touch me or say a word. Why was he back after I told him to leave? Did he know me so well as to know I would just fall apart all over again when I was on my own? I turned my head, startled when instead of blue eyes there were green looking back at me.

His bronze hair was drenched. His white button down clung to his chest, it had turned transparent in the rain revelling his firm abs and pink nipples. He looked like something from a Calvin Klein advert, all wet and gorgeous and brooding. Why was he here? How did he know how to find me? Alice? Jasper?

He looked at me, his face neutral and his eyes soft. I swiped at my tears, which were only replaced by more, my chest heaved, I had started shivering and I just stared. I stared and he stared and we sat in the rain, cross-legged and silent just looking at one another until a small sob escaped my lips and his hand cupped my face. I leaned into his touch needing his closeness and then he did something he had never done before. He pulled me into his lap and he held onto me tightly, his arms held me close and I let him cradle me in his arms as I cried over my loss. I was alone and lost in this world and he had turned up, out of the blue to take me in his arms and protect me from it all. I didn't understand it but I didn't need to right now, I just needed to hold onto him and let the rain wash my pain away.

"Come on," He said softly slowly standing up with me still in his arms. "You need to get dry."

He carried me to his car, placing me in the seat and fastening the belt for me before moving around to his side and getting in. We didn't talk as he drove, instead I listened to the heavy patter of rain as it struck the car. I was shivering violently despite the heat being turned up full.

Edward parked outside of his apartment, cutting the engine then coming around to help me out. I let him lead me wordlessly to the elevator and then to his apartment. As we entered I wondered briefly if Jasper was here with Alice but he walked straight to Edward's room and the thought left my mind.

He left me in the middle of his room to riffle through his closet, presumably for clothes. I stood, dripping water all over his expensive looking carpet not really sure what to do or say. He came back with a shirt and some boxers, placing them on his bed.

"Do you want me to leave?" He asked softly, his eyes kind and earnest .

I shook my head, reaching out for his hand. It was warmer than mine, his skin was soft and smooth under my fingers. I surveyed his face trying to figure out what was going on, why was he doing this for me? Why did he care?

"Let me help you, is it okay if I…" He motioned to my shirt and I nodded again. It was nothing he hadn't already seen before.

His hands moved slowly to the hem of my shirt, his fingers tickled a little as they brushed against my stomach and I bit my lip to suppress a giggle. He pulled the soaked fabric over my head, my arms raised high to aid the process. He then lowered his hands to my jeans, undoing the button and unzipping the fly. I watched as he slowly pulled them down my thighs, lowering himself as he did so until both he and my pants were at my ankles. I stepped out of each leg one at a time until they too were gone.

There was a vulnerability here that I didn't dismiss. I was trusting him now and although he had seen my body before it had only been about sex, this was different, it was tender and it was sweet, it made my heart throb.

He picked up the dry shirt before unclasping my bra, it fell to the floor and was quickly replaced by the warm, dry fabric he pulled over my head. I bit my lip when he removed my underwear and although this wasn't a sexual situation I still felt a twinge of lust for him. I ignored it and he helped me into his boxers, the soft cotton was heaven to me right now.

When he was finished he put his lips to my temple, they pressed against my skin softly in the sweetest most intimate kiss I had ever experienced. I studied the features on his flawless face and the way one side of his lip was turned up in a lop sided grin which took my breath away. He took my hand, leading me over to his bed and pulled the covers back for me to get in. I did, sinking into the soft mattress suddenly terribly tired, I let my eyes drift closed

I felt him climb in next to me and started to move over to give him more room but he stopped me, his arm pulled me closer to him until I was curled into his chest, his arms around me protectively. I felt so safe. Like laying here in this bed was exactly where I should be, like nothing bad could touch me ever again. The feeling bought a smile to my lips and I breathed him in contentedly. He smelt like rain and musk, not a trace of cologne on him and I like it.

"Thank you." I whispered into his chest.

His arms tightened around me as he drew in a deep breath.

"Try and sleep." He mumbled into my hair.

I wanted to talk to him, to ask him where his head was. We needed desperately to figure out what was going on between us but now was not the right time. I was exhausted and I was mourning. But I knew I couldn't put this off for much longer.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I would figure us out.

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**Review and let me know what you think, as I said this is my favourite chapter so a little input would be appreciated.**

**I'm going to be busy with work for the next couple of weeks so bear with me if the updates are a little slow.**


	12. Twelve

**Sincerest apologies for the lateness… again. I suck okay, don't hate me! I love the reviews, please keep then coming and there shall be more naked Edward, deal?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.**

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**Vodka and Nicotine**

Chapter Twelve

_Together: adverb - In each other's company._

I was groggy when I woke up, the bed was far too comfortable and the sheets much too soft. My hair fanned over my face covering me with the silken strands. I groaned, rolling over. Sometimes I really hated waking up. I'd been having the most amazing dream; Edward was there, holding me tightly. If I could sleep forever, I would with him in my dreams. Slowly last nights events came back to me causing my eyes to snap open. I was suddenly wide-awake and alone in Edward Cullen's bed.

I shut my eyes tightly, trying to block the pain that was now gripping my heart. I wished so badly he would be here when I woke up but I knew it wasn't going to happen, that would be far too good to be true even after last night.

I pushed the covers aside, they still smelt like him. Like man and honey and air, if I could take it with me I would. I got slowly to my feet unsure of what to do, should I stay here and wait for him to come back? Was he coming back? Or should I just go home and cry some more? I remembered Alice and decided she was my best option. I made my way down the hall, still clad in Edward's shirt and boxers, god I hoped I didn't bump into his parents.

I knocked the door lightly, it didn't feel right just barging in. She called for me to come in and I did. She was already dressed, looking immaculate in a black camisole and light charcoal skinny jeans.

I smiled at her from the doorway; it was small, unsure and wavering. Not at all the smile I wanted to give to her. She smiled back, hers was apologetic and tense, I could tell something bad was coming.

"How'd you sleep?" She asked me. It was small talk, I could see right through her façade.

"Good… then I woke up."

She frowned, her eyes turning down towards her shoes.

"He's not here, he left just after dawn. I told him not to go, begged him to stay but he said he had to."

"He had to leave so early? Where did he go?" Excuses were better than nothing.

"I don't know, Bella. Edward keeps his business to himself. He said he'd be back later, that he wanted to talk to you."

"I don't understand." I mumbled. If he wanted to talk, why didn't he just stay? Why run off like that when I was right there next to him in his bed.

"Neither do I," She sighed sadly. "You should stay; we'll hang out until he gets back."

"Okay."

What else could I do? I was powerless to this boy! It was exasperating. I couldn't believe how hung up I was on him, it angered me to feel so weak. He was tangled in my mind, twisting and turning, spiralling endlessly so he was all that was there. I needed to think but he was consuming every possible resource I had, making it nearly impossible just to breathe.

Alice put on some music, we danced like idiots and slowly I began to relax. We giggled and gossiped and things began to feel normal again. I was just another girl having fun with her friend.

"Bella, we have got to do something about your outfit." Alice said sternly.

I laughed looking down at the oversized shirt and boxers; well it definitely wasn't flattering that was for sure.

"What? You don't like it? I thought it was sexy!" I joked sticking my tongue out at her.

She rolled her eyes before diving into her closet with tenacity, chucking clothes over her head as she searched for something suitable.

"Aha!" She squealed. "This is perfect!"

She emerged with one of Jasper's White Stripes shirts, I knew it was Jasper's because I had been there when he'd bought it.

"Urm… Ali I'm Bella not Jasper."

"Duh, I'm not retarded." She scoffed.

She walked over to the desk by her window picking up a big pair of black scissors, I narrowed my eyes, watching with anxiety as she held the shirt up against my chest and then …

"Oh my god! Alice what are you doing! Jasper's going to kill you!" I squealed as she began hacking the shirt to pieces.

"Relax, Bella! I'll get him a new one; anyway, he's just going to _die _when he sees you in this." She beamed while continuing her hacking.

She cut away most of the arms, lowered the back and slashed away at the neckline to reveal, what I could only assume would be a helluva lot of cleavage. I looked at her in disbelief. She had just ruined my best friends shirt and was now grinning like an idiot.

"Oh don't look at me like that! You'll look so hot in it and you know it."

I guess it didn't look so bad. Next, she found me a denim skirt that looked far too short and thrust the items into my arms. Did she expect me to wear these? Oh boy.

"You can use Edward's bathroom to shower, there's a spare toothbrush under the sink." She told me before pushing me out the door. Nice.

When I got back to Edward's room I noticed my clothes in a neat little pile next to the dresser, they were clean, dry and folded to perfection. Had Edward done this? I showered quickly then changed into the outfit Alice had provided me with. The skirt was a little short but otherwise fit okay and the shirt… well the shirt was just plain hot, teamed with my converses and the whole thing looked kick ass. Alice had style.

Alice knocked just as I was running my fingers through my hair trying to detangle the mess.

"Come in." I called out.

"Oh wow, Bella you look hot!" She giggled.

"Well what do you expect with a body like mine?" I winked at her before laughing.

"Come on silly, let's eat. I'm starving." She grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the kitchen.

When we got there I froze, there was a woman standing over the stove smiling brightly at us. She had long flowing caramel hair that framed her heart shaped face; her eyes were the colour of honey and were observing us both with warmth.

"Bella, this is Esme my mother," Alice introduced. "Mother this is the infamous Bella." She beamed.

"It's very nice to meet you Bella," Esme said taking my hand in hers. "I absolutely adore your outfit. I assumed you only had what you came in; I hope you don't mind me washing them for you."

"It's nice to meet you too," I replied. "No I don't mind at all, thank you. It was very kind of you."

Esme smiled fondly at us before clapping her hands together.

"Now, what will it be? French toast or omelettes?"

"Oh french toast!" Alice squeaked in delight. For such a small girl she was awfully excitable.

I mostly chewed in silence while Alice and Esme chattered away to each other, content to just observe. Esme really was a very nice person; I could see where Alice got her good nature from.

"Is Jasper coming over today, dear?"

"No, not until later. His own mother wants to spend some quality time with him too you know," Alice teased. "She'd almost forgot what he looked like."

Esme laughed softly, her whole face lighting up.

"So what are you girls up to today then? Anything fun?"

"Oh I'm sure we'll find something." Alice replied, grinning at me from across the counter.

Esme said goodbye then went off to buy some groceries. I was a little weirded out by the fact I had just met Edward's mother… and Edward wasn't even here… but she was Alice's mom too, fiends meet friends mom's right?

"Maybe I should go, "I said softly. "He probably won't be home for ages anyway, he can call me if he wants to talk."

I felt stupid waiting for him. What was I even waiting for? I didn't know. Maybe the only reason he wanted to talk was to break up with me… shit we weren't even together but never the less if he told me to piss off again I'd much rather he did it over the phone. I couldn't look in his eyes while he rejected me.

"Are you sure? I'll call him and find out where he is, okay?"

She dialled his number, holding the phone to her ear. I could tell it was just ringing out, I sighed heavily. What was the point?

"It doesn't matter, Alice. I was stupid to think I was anything other than sex to him."

"I told you Edward likes you," She fumed. "He does. But it's going to take time; he's got a lot of things to work through."

"Like what?" Why was she getting mad at me, what had I done to create this mess?

It was a pretty stupid question, even if I hadn't voiced it. I was just as big a part of this as Edward was. I knew I had wanted him from the second I laid eyes on him, it didn't matter that I had just broke up with my boyfriend… there was just something about him that took my breath away. Sure, I wasn't the one pissing about, playing with peoples emotions but this was still partly my fault. I just wished he would be straight with me instead of all this bullshit.

"Bella…"

"No, Alice. How hard is it to treat a girl the way you feel about her instead of some piece of trash. What's he so scared of?" I was positively seething.

"He's scared of letting you in, scared that you'll be just be one more person to reject him."

Reject him? How could I possibly reject him? If anything, he was the one rejecting me!

"What do you mean?" I asked, exasperated.

"Edward's adopted, his parents left him when he was five years old."

"Oh." I exhaled, totally shocked by Alice's words.

"Yes oh," I could tell she was annoyed. "It wasn't my place to tell you. The drugs, well I had to let you know what you were getting yourself into but don't you dare judge someone you know nothing about. You have no idea what he's been through, Bella. How long it took him to trust us…"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean… I didn't know…"

"I think you should go. I'll tell Edward to call when he gets home." She turned away.

I nodded, more for my own benefit. I just kept fucking up. Everything I did just seemed to go to fuck, what was wrong with me?

I left the apartment without another word. I didn't have my car but I didn't care, I needed the air, needed to clear my head. Every time I thought things were starting to make sense, something else came along and complicated everything.

I hadn't gone far when my phone started to ring, it was Alice. I contemplated ignoring it… but she didn't deserve that, she had every right to be mad at me.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"I'm sorry, that was horrible of me, please come back."

"It wasn't horrible; I'm the one who's sorry. its fine, don't worry, I should go home, who knows maybe Renée's worried." I said half-heartedly.

"Bella, please, we can hang out… Jasper's coming over."

"No! God, Alice please! I'm just going home okay?" I snapped.

"Okay…" She sounded hurt.

I sighed and hung up. I just needed to go home and… I don't know, I just needed to go home.

I kept walking, pushing myself forward, one foot in front of the other. Walking had never been such a conscious effort before. Alice was sorry, I wasn't mad at her, she was my friend and was only trying to look out for her brother, I couldn't blame her for that but I was frustrated and when I was frustrated I got ratty.

I took a sharp intake of cool air, my emotions always got the better of me and it pissed me off to no end, thinking about them only made it worse and right now, they were all I could think of. I missed my dad more than words were capable of describing, I was alone and lost and needed so badly for things to make sense. I needed Edward to tell me what the fuck he wanted so I wouldn't be confused. I needed to sort my shit out and I needed to do it fast because I was losing my fucking grip on life.

Yesterday had only gone and made me feel worse about the whole situation, now I knew what Edward was capable of, I wanted it. I don't know… maybe I wanted him to ask me out and maybe go on a date or something because sex just wasn't enough anymore and I didn't know why. Shit. Why did I have to go and fall for the hot drug addict who had commitment issues, this was just so fucking typical of me.

I glanced up at the nearest street sign cursing when I saw I was nowhere near home. I'd been walking for ages, it was starting to annoy me, god I wished I had my car… holy fucking cow! My car! I'd left my fucking car at the cemetery last night. I had totally forgotten about it, I was in such a fucking state when Edward took me to his place. I cursed out loud earning a few curious stares from the people around me, like I gave a fuck. Jeez my frigging car! If anyone had touched my baby, I swear to god, I was going to…

"Bella."

My head snapped towards the source of the voice so fast I think I gave myself whiplash. Sure enough there he was, Edward Cullen, looking immaculate as ever in that stupid fucking Volvo. He was driving alongside the curb slowly, his head out the window grinning at me like god knows what but he looked sexy as hell and I was cold.

"Edward." I replied but continued with my walking, shit my neck hurt.

"Do you need a ride?" He asked smugly.

I didn't have to look at him to know he was smirking, cocky son of a bitch, who did he think he was? Abandoning me in his bedroom one minute then offering me a lift the next.

I glanced over in his direction and he was doing that stupid half smile of his that just so happened to turn my legs to jelly and I'll be damned if I could ever resist someone who looked the way he did right now.

"Okay."

I walked over to the passenger side, sliding in silently. He was listening to some shitty indie band on the radio and it made me want to puke so I reached over and turned it off. He raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

"Can you take me back to the cemetery please, I left my car there." I told him.

He nodded before doing a u-turn in the midst of fucking down town traffic, I thought I was going to die, seriously, I saw my life flash before my eyes… actually no I didn't but that shit was just not cool and I cussed at him for being such a fucking douche bag.

We sat in an awkward silence that left me pulling on my hair and biting down on my lip, he kept his eyes on the road and his lips pressed tightly together until we got there. I breathed a sigh of relief practically throwing myself from the car, it had felt like I was suffocating under the pressure of all that tension.

"Can I come over… to your place? We need to talk." Edward said quietly from his seat.

"Okay." I nodded then went back to my car. This was either going to be horrible or fantastic… I couldn't work out which.

When I got there, Edward was already parked, leaning up against the side of his Volvo even though I had left before him. The guy was manic, he would never ever drive my car. I filed that thought away making sure to obey it at all costs.

"I like your shirt," Edward said with a smirk when I reached him. "Alice's tailoring?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Your sister's crazy."

Edward just laughed before we made our way up the stairs to my apartment, yeah I wasn't a billionaire there was no elevators or plush carpets in this building.

The front door was unlocked, which meant my mom was home. Frigging great. It wasn't like I hadn't bought guys here before but they were just Jaz and Jake and mom knew Jake and even though she hated Jaz she knew we weren't fucking so just let us get on with it.

"Bella?" She called from the other room. I groaned casting a quick glance at Edward before walking inside.

"What?" I asked when she appeared from the kitchen her face all stern and gross.

"Who's this?" She asked spotting Edward.

"This is Edward. Did you want something?" I spat at her. Did I ever invade on her privacy? I'd lost count of the amount of guys I'd seen her with. I couldn't remember a single one of their names, I hadn't even bothered to ask, what was the point? They'd just be gone in an hour anyway.

"You didn't come home last night." She stated. Duh, I was aware of that.

"So? You're never home, I didn't realise you were keeping tabs now."

"Whatever Bella, I'm not in the mood okay. Just leave your door open if you go to your room."

I flipped her off with a glare, dragging Edward to my room. As soon as we were inside, I slammed the door as hard as I could, making the walls shake. Stupid fucking bitch couldn't tell me what to do, she'd given that right up a long time ago.

I grabbed my cigarettes from the dresser, popping one into my mouth before lighting it. I hadn't had a cigarette all day, Jesus I needed it. I was so stressed out and smoking was pretty much the only thing that calmed me. I sat cross-legged on the bed, watching Edward who was standing awkwardly by the door. I patted the space beside me.

"Sit." I said, inviting him over.

He did. His eyes were dark and his face was lined with apprehension. We sat in silence, he watched me as I slowly drew smoke into my lungs, blowing it out above my head. When I was done, I sighed. If he wanted to talk, why was he sitting there in silence staring at me like that?

"Edward…" I began, he was the one who asked to come over.

He took a deep breath, steeling himself for what was about to come from his mouth, I felt my heart start to speed up because I knew what he was about to say was serious, I could tell from the look on his face.

"I like you." He said softly.

I raised my eyebrow. Not exactly what I was expecting… but it was a start.

"I like you too."

"No, Bella, I _really _like you. Shit… I can't get you out of my mind. You're all I think about, all I dream about, you're just always there…" He looked scared, his eyes searching mine frantically. "I want to try… want to try and be more, if you want…" He ran a hand through his bronze hair, there were little beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

My breath caught and my heart went into overdrive. He had just asked me if I wanted to be more… I thought I was going to die.

"Yes." Was all I managed to whisper my head bobbing up and down stiffly.

"Yes?" He repeated as if to make sure he wasn't imagining it.

I smiled, just a little curve of my lips but a smile nonetheless

"I would love to... be more."

He grinned back at me, showing his perfectly white teeth, his eyes were shinning and he just looked so… wonderful. I leaned forward, closing the short distance between us, our lips were just millimetres apart and I could smell his warm sweet breathe… and then my phone went. Not. Fucking. Cool.

I groaned my eyes locked on his lips, not moving, not wanting to move.

"Shouldn't you get that?" He whispered, his lips brushing against mine with ever word he uttered.

"No." I whispered back.

He smiled again, the cute half smile and I pushed my lips into his a little harder than I had meant to but how could I help my self when he was so goddamn irresistible? His hand went up behind my head, pulling my face into his, I cupped his cheek trying to make this as sweet as possible when all I wanted to do was rip his clothes off, god I was such a hypocrite. All I wanted was this, for him to say he wanted to be more than just fuck buddies and not five minutes after he had said it was I thinking about tearing his clothes off.

I pulled back a little, trying to slow myself down but my mind was all foggy because he tasted so good and my god why wouldn't my phone stop ringing! Edward's hand ran down my back until he reached the hem of the tattered mess of a shirt I was wearing. I gasped when I felt his warm skin against my bare back, and I'll be damned but just that alone had me climbing into his lap, grinding myself against him. The ringing had stopped now and all that I could hear was the sound of our laboured breathing.

I broke the kiss momentarily to pull his shirt up over his head, discarding it somewhere beside us. My lips found his neck and began to assault the smooth skin there, he tasted so good, all of him tasted good… I grinned into his neck, well there was still one more thing left for me to taste… my phone beeped, telling me I had a voicemail but I just ignored that shit because the thought of having Edward's dick in my mouth was all that I could think of right now.

I climbed off the bed, kneeling between his legs where I slowly began to unbutton his jeans. He looked down at me a small 'o' formed on his lips.

"Bella… I thought we were being… more?" He asked breathlessly.

"We are… can't we have this as well?"

Edward groaned as I reached inside his boxers, he was already hard as my hand grasped him firmly. I quickly pulled down his jeans and boxers in one swift movement, leaving them bunched around his ankles.

"Your mom..."

I crossed the room, locking the door before resuming my place between his legs. I looked up at him, smiling a little before lowering my mouth onto his prick. I heard him gasp which only made me smile more. I grasped him in my right hand, pumping up and down along with the movement of my mouth. I felt his hands fist in my hair as I sucked harder, my tongue running up the underside of his cock to swirl around the head. He tasted better than I imagined.

"Bella…" Edward moaned my name, his eyes squeezed shut, his breath coming in gasps. I could tell he was close.

I picked up the pace, my hand pumping faster, my mouth sucking harder, I used my left hand to cup his balls, massaging them gently until I felt them tighten.

"I'm gonna…" He moaned trying to push my face away.

I lowered my mouth down as far as it would go, enveloping the whole thing in my warm wet hollow. He let out the sexiest fucking sound I have ever heard , his lips were clamped together and his hands were balled into fists around the sheets on my bed. I felt his come hit the back of my throat, swallowing it down quickly. I had never had a problem with letting Jake come in my mouth, I knew a lot of girls found it gross and disgusting but then were all for guys going down on them, hypocrites.

I pulled off, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Yummy." I giggled, moving up to give him a quick peck on the cheek. He turned his face before my lips touched his skin, instead making contact with his lips.

I groaned as he pulled me into his bare lap, his mouth moving fiercely against mine. I moved my hands down his bare back, feeling him, memorising him. I felt like at any minute he might disappear and was going to do my best to hold onto anything I could get. I tugged on his hair lightly, loving the noise it made him make, the way he'd squeeze my hips tighter and suck my tongue harder.

"Edward…" I groaned into his mouth, I needed him so fucking badly, it almost hurt.

His hands moved down my body, his fingers hooking into the waistband of my skirt, he tugged lightly, bringing the fabric down as far as it would go before pushing me flat on my back to remove it completely. His fingers ran delicately along my centre through my underwear, they were already wet and his touch, no matter how light, was driving me crazy. His teeth nipped and his tongue licked along the inside of my thigh, leaving me squirming and panting. His hand was _not_ doing enough so I thrust myself into him, begging him to do more.

"Bella?" There was a knock at the door as Renée called my name, I wanted to die.

"Go away!" I ground out, trying not to sound as breathless and aroused as I was.

"Jacob's here." She answered.

"Tell him to fuck off." I spat back at her, I could _not_ deal with this shit right now.

"He said he tried to phone, Bella open the door he's standing right here." She sounded irritated, not as much as I was though.

"Bella? It's Jake."

Great. Just fucking great. I begrudgingly pushed Edward off of me before pulling my skirt back on and shoving his shirt at him. He gave me the 'what the fuck' look but didn't ask what was going on, instead he just pulled him jeans back up and pulled his shirt on. Once we were both fully dressed I pulled the door open, glaring at Jake for his extremely rude and ill-timed interruption.

"What?" I asked venomously.

"I'm sorry Bells. I am so sorry. I completely forgot about yesterday, I should have been there. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Jaz was there for me, I didn't expect you to be there Jake, its fine."

He looked passed me, spotting Edward on my bed. He instantly tensed causing me to take a sharp intake of breath. Here it came.

"Who's that?"

"It's none of your business Jacob." I sighed.

"None of my business? So what was your birthday then? You kissed me Bella, does that mean nothing to you? Are you fucking him?"

"What the fuck Jake! You cheated on me remember, that's why we broke up. I can fuck whoever I want, so just keep out of it okay." I was pissed. How dare he stand there and act like I was doing something wrong. He had cheated on me, he had pushed me away when I tried to kiss him, he had no hold on me anymore.

Edward stood to go, clearing his throat loudly.

"I'll leave you two to it then." He said in amusement.

"No."

"Yes."

Jake and I spoke at the same time making me turn to glare some more. Fucking annoying prick.

Edward just smirked, clearly he found the whole situation rather funny. He walked forward, putting a hand on either side of my face before lowering his face to mine, his lips bruising mine as he crushed them to me, our tongues tangled and for a brief moment I forgot my ex-boyfriend was standing right next to us and then Edward pulled away and I was brought back to reality.

"I'll call you." He said on his way towards the door.

"You better!" I sounded slightly desperate much to my chagrin.

"I promise." He said softly before leaving.

I turned to Jacob who was staring with his mouth slightly open, obviously a bit shocked at what had just happened. I rolled my eyes walking back to my bed for a cigarette. Great. Now I was sexually frustrated and annoyed… not exactly how I'd expected things to turn out whilst I'd been sucking Edward's cock.

"What do you want Jake?" I asked exasperatedly after lighting a cigarette and inhaling deeply. It didn't make me feel better. Bummer.

"Bells I… I'm… I just… god." He stuttered hopelessly before running a hand over his face.

"Spit it out." I had little sympathy for him right now.

"I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry for the way I treated you, I'm sorry for taking you for granted and being a dick… I… I miss you baby, can't we try again? I know we could work things out if we just tried…"

I shook my head. I couldn't believe him.

"You don't miss me, Jake. You haven't talked to me in over a week. I tried to kiss you and you _pushed me away_! If you still wanted me you would have kissed me back." I couldn't actually believe we were having this conversation.

"I was just confused… I didn't know what I wanted, now I do. I want you. I've always wanted you… please… _Bella, please_."

"Don't. Just… don't okay? I'm with Edward now." I couldn't even look at him. Instead I took three deep, long drags and stared blankly out the window.

"What? With him? Bells… Bella, c'mon, you can't be serious. We're good together, you know we are."

"No we aren't, _weren't_. It was just easier for us to be together than it was to be alone. Please, Jake, just leave. I can't do this right now."

"No, Will you just talk to me, for fuck sake!"

My head snapped up at his tone of voice.

"Don't talk to me like that, I don't want to talk, Jake, I don't want to get back together. I don't _love_ you. Just leave me alone okay? Please?"

"Fine, whatever, I don't know why I wasted my time coming here."

With that he stormed out of my room slamming the door behind him. I heard the front door slam a minute later and breathed a sigh of relief. He was an immature bastard when he was mad.

I reached for my phone debating whether of not to call Edward, he had said he'd call me… but I just couldn't wait. Fuck it. We were together now, right? I could call him whenever I wanted. I just needed to hear his voice and I'd feel perfect again.


	13. Thirteen

**A big thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far, sorry if I haven't replied, I promise I'll try harder.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.**

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**Vodka and Nicotine**

Chapter Thirteen

_Date: noun - A meeting arranged in advance._

My hands were sweating and I swear to god my heart was beating at least three times its normal speed. I didn't know what the hell was wrong with myself, I never ever got nervous like this, yet here I was freaking out over something so simple.

"Alice, I can't do this…" I gasped, god was I hyperventilating?

"Bella, seriously just relax! It's just Edward, it's not like you don't know him. Jeez you've been sleeping with him for the last month!" She exclaimed.

"I know but this is… a _date_. It's different."

Alice just rolled her eyes before applying copious amounts of mascara to my eyelashes. When she'd found out Edward had asked me to dinner she had demanded I let her help me get ready, of course I couldn't refuse she just sounded so excited. Edward and I had been talking on the phone almost everyday and on Wednesday when I answered his call, he just blurted it out. Would I like to go on a date with him? I practically wet myself from excitement.

It was now Friday. I hadn't seen him in five days, not since the whole Jake incident and it was driving me insane. All I could think about was the last time I'd seen him and how badly I needed him. My hand now permanently ached from the amount of solo _help _I'd been giving myself and if he didn't fuck me tonight I would probably die.

Alice had dressed me in a little black cocktail dress and a pair of strappy black stilettos, which no doubt I wouldn't be able to walk in. She'd pulled my hair up into a loose bun at the back of my head, letting a few strands fall around my face and was currently attacking me with her make-up.

"Alice, please, I don't need anymore mascara." I complained, trying to swat her hand away.

"You can never have too much make-up, Bella. I'm almost done anyway, so quit complaining." She stuck her tongue out then went back to applying goop to my face.

When she was finally done, she stood back, a huge grin on her face as she admired her work.

"You look… perfect." She beamed at me.

I walked over to the mirror studying myself carefully; I had to admit I did look pretty good even though this wasn't the sort of thing I usually went for. I looked more mature, sophisticated I suppose you could call it.

"Thanks Alice, you did a good job."

Maybe the last hour and a half hadn't been such a waste of my life after all.

"Of course I did, how could you expect any less than excellent?" She asked, fussing over my hair momentarily. "I think that's you. Now remember no tongue until after dinner."

I laughed as she collected her things together getting ready to leave.

"Thank you, I really do appreciate it." I thanked her again.

"You're welcome. Now I better get going before Edward gets here. You'll call me and tell me how it went?" She asked as I walked her to the door.

"Sure, if I'm not too busy, if you know what I mean." I laughed wiggling my eyebrows at her.

"Gross, that's my brother."

"You started it!" I shot back.

"Have fun." She pulled me in for a hug before giving a quick wave.

I didn't have to wait long until Edward texted me saying he was here. I had butterflies and was terrified of falling head first down the stairs but somehow I managed to make it. I had slipped on a long black peacoat, which I had borrowed from Renée's closet; somehow I didn't think a hoody would cut it for tonight's dress code.

Once outside I was surprised to see Edward parked right outside my door in a black mercedes, his volvo nowhere to be seen. He smirked at me from his seat while I made my way round to the passenger door.

"You look nice." He told me once I was seated, leaning over to peck my cheek.

I blushed like a moron because it was such a sweet thing to do, not all demanding and sexually frustrated but… _nice_.

"Whose car is this? I hope you didn't steal it." I teased.

"Not quite, it's my fathers. When I told him I was taking a girl to dinner he insisted I take it." He said glancing over at me with a small smile on his lips.

"So you don't take girls to dinner often then?"

Edward laughed at that, his eyes crinkling up and his face lightening.

"You're the first, Bella."

My heart started thundering in my chest, I was the first girl he'd taken to dinner. Ever? Was I his first date? Really wasn't this my first date? Had Jake and I ever dated? We just kind of were together…

"I feel special." I told him with a grin.

He returned my smile, maybe a little shyly but still, it _was _returned.

We drove the rest of the way in silence then pulled up at some fancy looking restaurant near Chicago river. It looked far too nice and far too expensive, not to mention the valet parking, which I had never once in my life experienced, that is until now.

"God, Edward this place look's pricey." I whispered on our way in.

"Don't worry about it, I have it covered." He replied, his warm breath blowing in my ear.

Once the hostess checked our reservation, she took our coats then led us to a small table near the back. It was beautiful, chandlers glimmered from the ceiling and I could tell the glasses were crystal and the cutlery was made of silver. How on earth Edward could afford this place, I had no idea.

I ordered salmon whereas Edward opted for stake, rare. I gagged when it arrived, practically oozing blood all over his plate.

"Why don't you just eat the poor thing while it was still alive?" I asked.

Edward just laughed, clearly amused at my distaste.

"So what makes me so special? Why me and no other girl?" I asked after a few moments of eating in silence, it wasn't awkward we just hadn't got around to conversation yet.

"I don't know… there's just something about you, something I can't put my finger on, like I know you're worth it… you know? You're important to me, Bella, even if I haven't known you very long," He said with a smile, taking my breath away at just how beautiful he really was. "You don't know how nervous I was about asking you." He laughed uncomfortably, running a hand through his hair.

I bit my lip, nodding a little. I felt the same about him. It had only been a month but already it seemed longer, the way he made me feel… it was like nothing I could have ever imagined.

"So tell me about yourself Miss Swan." He said between bites of raw meat.

"Urm… what do you want to know?" I asked, fidgeting with the bracelet around my wrist. I hated talking about myself.

"For a start, tell me about the boy in your room. He gave you that, right?" He said, pointing at the bracelet Jacob had given me for my birthday.

I looked down at my wrist as if only noticing I was wearing it, I guess I just didn't want to take it off, even after the fight we had.

"He's my ex, there's not really much else to say about him."

"Okay," Edward replied. "You can tell me about him when you're ready." He smiled calmly.

I bit my lip. It was strange that Jake didn't really bother him, even in my room on Sunday, it hadn't even fazed him… but I guess that was a good thing.

"Tell me about your life Bella. What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What do you do?" Edward asked.

I didn't really know where to start.

"Hmm happiness… happiness is friends and music and too much vodka." I told him.

He laughed lightly before flashing me the half smile, I took a large gulp of my water, god if only he knew what the smile did to me.

"And sadness?" He asked.

I frowned. I had a lot of sadness in my life, there was almost too much to choose from.

"Missing my dad… how things turned out with Renée…"

"I can understand your dad but you still have your mother, Bella. It's not too late to fix things with her."

"You don't know what she's like." I replied, scowling at him.

"You're right, I don't but she's still your mother and if you don't like the state of your relationship you should change that while you still have the chance."

I opened my mouth to respond but the words didn't come. He was right, in a way. I hated Renée, I hated the way she acted and how fast she forgot my father but… she was still my mother and if some day I was to loose her like I had lost Charlie… I don't know how I would feel about that.

"I don't mean to tell you how to live your life, I'm sorry if that's how it came across but I think if there's something in life you're unhappy with, you should do everything in your power to change it for the better. Life's too short for regrets."

"No… I know… it's just difficult. My dad and I were really close…" I swallowed back the tears I always felt when I talked about him like this, how embarrassing it would be to start blubbering here. "When he died, Renée dealt with it so differently from me, it pretty much ripped us apart."

"Loss is a difficult thing to deal with but we have to deal with it or our lives are spent in the past instead of the present. You have to learn to forgive peoples mistakes and move on from them."

I remembered what Alice had told me about Edward being adopted, how his parents had left him when he was little and suddenly I felt extremely petty. I still had my mother, no matter how shitty we had been to each other she hadn't just abandoned me, I was lucky.

"You're right." I told him, my eyes only a little watery.

He reached over to squeeze my hand over the table, making my heart race and my cheeks flush. After that, we continued to eat with a slightly more light-hearted conversational approach. It was nice.

"Do you want dessert?" Edward asked when we were done.

I wanted dessert, just not the kind he was talking about… it had been twelve days since we had sex. Twelve days… I was going crazy here.

"I'd love dessert but not here." I replied licking my lips, then biting down, I hoped he would get what I meant.

He grinned sheepishly, his tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip.

"I'll get the bill then shall I?"

"Please."

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"Shit, Bella." Edward panted as I raked my fingernails down his back.

I was groaning as he pushed deeper into me.

"Edward… harder."

He was already ploughing into me but I was frantic, desperate and deprived. All I wanted was to feel him as much as possible. Rough and fast, hot and sweaty.

We had come back to my house since Renée wasn't home. While Edward drove, I stroked him through his dress pants, earning a few harsh curses as his knuckles turned white on the steering wheel. I would have laughed at his reaction if it wasn't turning me on so much. He grabbed my hand once we had parked, practically dragging me up the stairs. Our clothes were gone before we even reached my bedroom and he was inside me before we hit the bed.

"I don't think I can last…"

His hair was flopped over his forehead, wet with sweat and way frigging hot. Edward was sexy, there was no denying it. He looked even better naked… but during sex, he just looked… guh, so goddamn yummy.

"Then don't." I whispered back, licking at the side of his neck.

It didn't take long, only a couple more thrusts and we were both crying out with our orgasms. Edward rolled off of me, collapsing heavily on the bed next to me, his breathing laboured.

"Well that was definitely better than tiramisu." He breathed out heavily with a small chuckle.

"I should hope so." I said, laughing along with him.

"It's not really how I imagined a first date to go… but it will do." Edward said, turning to face me, his eyes bright and his lips grinning.

"I liked it, we should do it again."

"We will, just let me get my breath back first."

"Not sex silly," I giggled. "Although we should do that again too... I meant the date."

"Okay, what would you like to do?" He asked, propping himself up on his elbow.

"Urm, are you busy tomorrow? We could catch a movie or something…?"

"Yeah, I'm free. I'd like that."

"Okay." I confirmed.

"Okay." Edward repeated, kissing my cheek quickly.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to stay?" I asked nervously.

He grinned at me, a big huge grin that made me want to smile too.

"I'd love too." He responded, giving me butterflies.

"Will you be here when I wake up?" I asked, chewing on my bottom lip.

"If you want me to be here."

"Promise?"

"I promise."


	14. Fourteen

**Well it's been over four months since I last updated this, things have been busy and I pretty much lost interest for a while. I haven't abandoned this story though, so don't worry. I still plan on finishing but updates won't be as regular as they were.**

**Thank you to everyone who has been reading during my absence, especially those of you who left a review there were quite a few really nice ones which probably pushed me to get this updated! So thanks guys you still rock!**

**Also eight more reviews and I'm at 100! Yay!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.**

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**Vodka and Nicotine**

Chapter Fourteen

_Backwards: adjective - from a better to a worse state._

I woke slowly, bit-by-bit, still drowsy from sleep. I felt soft fingers tracing circles on my bare back, tiny little things slowly getting bigger and bigger. I smiled as I realised who it was. Slowly I turned to face him, he had the cutest little smile on his face, his hair all sexy and dishevelled from where it had lain on my pillow.

"You stayed." I mumbled sleepily.

"Of course I did, you asked me to." He told me, leaning forward to capture my mouth with his.

"Mmm, I like this." I whispered into his lips, pulling myself closer to him, our naked bodies pressing up against one another.

"I like it too." He murmured back, his hands sliding further down my back to cup my ass.

I giggled when he gave it a firm squeeze before pulling back to look at him.

"I'm glad you're still here." I told him excitedly as I jumped from the bed to find a tank top and some shorts.

"Why's that then?" Edward asked, watching me curiously from his spot on the bed.

"It means I get to make you breakfast."

Edward chuckled softly before rising from the bed to fully expose his hot naked butt. I couldn't help but stare at how firm it was. It made me want to go over there and lick him but somehow I managed to restrain myself.

Edward turned to see me staring, which of course only made me stare more, I mean he was giving me a full frontal view of his penis and oh my god I think I was blushing. He chuckled again, this time at the crimson staining my cheeks, then pulled on his jeans from last night, sans boxers. Hot.

We made our way into the kitchen, Edward still shirtless, which was ever so slightly distracting but I'd get over it, eventually.

"What are you going to make me, chef?" Edward grinned, plopping himself onto a stool at the kitchen counter.

"It's a surprise." I replied tapping my forehead lightly.

We ended up with bacon bagels and very strong black coffee, just the way I liked it, another thing I had picked up from my dad. He used to drink it every morning before work, making the whole kitchen smell of the strong aroma. No sugar, no milk and definitely not instant!

"Mmm you're a good cook." Edward commented when his plate was empty and he had licked the grease off his fingers.

"That was easy," I told him. "I'll make you something a little more complicated next time."

"Well that was good enough."

"Thank you," I said with a smile. "But you haven't had the best bit yet."

"There's more?" He cocked his eyebrow.

"Mhmm."

I quickly left the room, returning shortly with a carton of Marlboros.

"Nicotine." I told him, holding the box out for him.

He took one gratefully and we sat in silence for a while, drinking coffee and smoking peacefully. Pure bliss.

"What do you want to do today?" He asked me after a while.

"I thought we could go to the movies. Throw popcorn at people in the front row, you know?"

"Sounds like a plan." He agreed.

I drove us there. The mercedes was probably a bit too fancy to take to the movies.

The theatre was crowded, what with it being a Saturday and all, so we had to cue for the box office.

"What would you like to see?" Edward asked me.

"Are there any good horrors showing?" I asked.

I was a sucker for a good horror movie. Jaz and I used to rent the really old ones and watch them in the dark. We hadn't done it in awhile though, I missed it.

"There are two, hush or the closet." He told me, reading from the screen ahead of us.

"The closet sound like some boogieman rip off, so I'm gonna go for hush."

"Good choice."

Edward paid, much to my disapproval. I tried to shove a twenty at the clerk but Edward was having none of it, he swatted my hand away, giving the girl behind the counter a grin. She took his money.

"But you paid for dinner!" I protested.

"This is a date isn't it?" He asked me.

I nodded.

"Then I get to pay."

I made up for it by paying for the popcorn and soda. They were both gigantic. My reasoning behind it was that we needed at least half a tub of popcorn to throw and the rest could be eaten, as for the soda… it was always better to match.

The movie was terrifying. I screamed several times and ended up burying my head in Edwards shoulder half the time. It was rare for me to find a movie that really scared the shit out of me so I was happy with today's outcome despite the nightmares that were sure to occur tonight.

"What now?" I asked when we were both back in my car.

"Sorry, I promised my mom I'd help her with something's today."

"That's okay." I smiled; secretly I was kind of disappointed.

It had been nice to spend time with Edward like this, normally. Dinner and a movie, that's what normal relationships were like, right?

I drove back to my place so that Edward could take the mercedes home. There was a sinking feeling in my stomach when we got out of the Impala. I stood nervously on the sidewalk, learning up against the car door, not really sure what to do.

Edward smiled, taking my face between his hands before kissing me softly on the lips. It was feather soft, just barley a brushing of skin on skin but it still managed to take my breath away and leave me feeling dizzy.

"I had a good time today; I'd love to do it again." Edward said before pulling away and making his way over to his car.

"Will you call me?" I asked, it sounded a little desperate but maybe I was.

"I promise."

I called Alice as soon as I got upstairs retelling everything that had happened since yesterday minus the sex. I was pretty sure she didn't want to hear about her brother's awesome penis.

It turned out she was too busy to hang out today but told me to call Jasper.

"Are you not with him?" I asked in surprise.

Of course they didn't have to do everything together but it was weird for her to be busy without him.

"No, I have a family thing but you should definitely call him."

"Okay, I will. Talk to you later Ali."

I dialled Jasper straight away, he answered on the very first ring, which was rather unusual for him.

"S'up Swan?" He asked nonchalantly.

"Not much, just wondering if you wanted to hang tonight. We could play some rockband then hit a club?"

"Yeah that sounds good. How'd the date go?"

"I'll tell you all about it when I see you; I'll be over in half an hour, yeah?"

"Alrighty then, see you soon sugar." He replied before clicking off.

Thirty minutes later and I was rocking it out on a plastic guitar while Jaz sang him way through "Carry on my wayward son".

It hadn't taken me long to throw on a pair of skinnies, converses and an old NIN band shirt. I wasn't trying to impress anyone tonight so only minimal effort was required on my part.

We headed to the club at about nine, deciding to go for Le Nouveau Noir, a fairly new place situated downtown.

Although the bouncer studied my fake ID carefully, a quick smile and tug on my hair seemed to persuade him I was old enough to get in.

The music was more varied than Cellar Door, not all of it was to my taste but the atmosphere made up for that. The last time I'd been here was July, when Jacob and I were still together. We entered and headed directly to the bar. It was pretty packed already; Saturday's always were, even this early.

We did shot's to begin with, Jaz and I both had tequila then ordered our drinks. Jaz went with gin. I went with vodka.

"So tell me how dinner went, Alice said you didn't call last night." Jasper said, leaning up against the bar, his eyes lazily scanned the dance floor as he talked.

"I called her today. Dinner was great. It was nice, doing something normal, you know? He's really sweet, Jasper. I didn't expect it to be like that." I smiled to myself, remembering the way he had kissed me this afternoon.

Jasper grinned at me before taking a large gulp of his drink.

"I'm happy for you, Bella but just be careful, okay? I don't want you getting hurt."

He really was like an older brother to me sometimes and although I rolled my eyes, I was truly grateful he cared enough to try and protect me like that.

"Dance with me?" I asked, grabbing his hand.

We made our way to the dance floor, our drinks clutched in one hand, our fingers interlaced in the other.

He moved in close, holding my hip firmly as we grinded to the music. I went down low, slowly dragging my body down his before rising again. I smiled at the look he gave me when we were level to one another.

"Don't let Alice catch you doing that." He whispered in my ear before pressing up against me.

I could feel his hard on through my jeans, which only made me grin wider.

Sure Jaz and I were just friends. We didn't look at each other in a sexual way at all but he was only human and a guy at that, my dance moves usually had this effect on the opposite sex and he knew that.

"Can you handle it?" I whispered back before turning my back to him and grinding my ass against his erection. I heard him let out a low growl at the initial contact before he was moving his hips along with mine, never breaking contact.

"Bella…" Jasper said as the song was drawing to an end, he pushed me away slightly, I turned in confusion wondering what was wrong.

"What is it?"

"Edward…" Was his reply.

I gave him a questioning look but he just pointed towards the bar. Sure enough there was Edward standing with the big guy from his party, what was his name? Em something?

"I thought he had a family thing?" I asked Jasper, my gaze never left the bar.

"He probably finished whatever it was he was doing and got bored." I felt Jasper's hand on my arm. I could tell he was trying to reassure me.

Just then Edward looked my way, his eyes meeting mine briefly before quickly looking away. There was something in them that made me feel uneasy…

"He just saw me, should I go over?" I finally turned to look at Jaz who was wearing an expression of pity. Was it for me?

"Sure Bee, just remember what I said."

I nodded before pushing my way through the crowd to the bar. The big guy was gone now, it was just Edward.

"Hi." I said softly when I reached him.

At first he didn't turn. Just stared straight ahead before downing his drink. Finally he turned to look at me, his pupils blow wide, red rimmed and dazed. He was high.

"Bella… what are you doing here?" He asked leaning in close.

He smelt like whiskey, his cool breath fanned over my face, engulfing me in the scent. His hair was all over the place, his lips looked dry and chapped. He looked nothing like the boy I'd said goodbye to earlier today.

"I came with Jasper," I choked out, waving my hand somewhere behind me. "What are you doing here?"

"Emmett wanted to hang, that a crime?" His voice was harsh, his eyes hard.

"What? No… I… Sorry…" I stuttered pathetically. I honestly didn't know how to respond.

"Whatever, Bella, I'm out with a friend, can I call you tomorrow?" He was already turning back to the bar before he'd finished his sentence.

I felt a stab of pain in my chest, the familiar sting of tears in my eyes. I couldn't even speak, didn't want to. We were back to square one. My god he was so fucking bipolar it made me want to scream. Whatever.

I pushed my way back to Jasper, one look was all it took for him to lead me outside.

"What did that mother fucker do?" He spat once we were on the sidewalk next to the club.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and told myself to chill out. Don't blow this out of proportion and do not let it get to me. Jasper was trying to protect me, I got that but this really wasn't such a big deal was it? I thought we had moved past the whole hot and cold stage but apparently not. However it was becoming more and more clear that Edward's drug use was the sole reason for his mood swings.

"It's fine. He was with his friend. Can we go now? I'm tired, just wanna head to bed." It was a poor performance, I knew it, Jasper knew it… but he let it slide.

"Sure… will you be okay?" He took my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Super." I grinned.

"Okay then, let me get you home girl."

We shared a taxi, I shoved a ten in his hand before getting out, then gave him a quick peck on the cheek before heading upstairs. The apartment was empty, not that I really cared, I was heading straight for bed anyway.

My bed was still crumpled from this morning, the sheets thrown back, the pillows askew. I sighed before changing into a tank top and shorts. I closed the curtains over, blocking out the lights from the street bellow, then climbed into bed, pulling the duvet right up to my chin.

Laying in the dark I could smell him on the sheets, the pain in my chest came back and all I wished for at that exact moment in time was his arms around me, protecting me from the pain he had caused. Just when I though we were getting somewhere it seemed we were merely going backwards.


	15. Fifteen

**Vodka and Nicotine**

Chapter Fifteen

_Blood: noun - a fluid carrying oxygen and nutrients throughout out bodies._

I knew it was morning without opening my eyes. I could feel warm sunlight on my face, as well as see the bright light through my closed eyelids. I was tired and groggy, in no mood to get up. I felt an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Loneliness in the sense that I woke up almost every morning to an empty house. No mother to make sure I was up for school, no father to share coffee with... no Edward to wake up naked beside. I was alone.

I turned my back to the window and the sun, I refused to get out of bed. Screw life. It only seemed to be against me these days anyway. It had won. I was defeated.

Screaming next to my head told me I was receiving a call. I groaned, in no mood to talk to anyone but pressed the answer button regardless, my eyes closed, still half asleep.

"Lo?" I asked groggily.

"It's Edward." His voice sounded rough, like he hadn't been to sleep yet.

I sat, rubbing my eyes wearily. My clock told me it was seven forty eight am. Shit. Who got up this early on a Sunday?

"What is it?" Cold. Guarded.

I hadn't forgotten last night. The way he had looked, the way he had spoken to me. Fuck. How could I forget that?

"I'm sorry," He sounded sincere. The sadness in his voice made my heart ache. "I keep fucking up, don't I?"

"Kind of, yeah." I replied.

I laughed nervously. So did he.

"Let me make it up to you. I know I probably don't deserve another chance but I really don't want to loose you… what we have."

"Me either." I sighed.

There in lied the dilemma. Give him another chance, risk getting hurt again or just end this mess right now, which in itself would probably hurt more. Who was I kidding? I could never end this, I was in too deep already. This boy… I had it bad for him and there was nothing I could do that was going to change that.

"Okay." I mumbled

"I'll call you. There are a few things I need to sort out but I will call."

I nodded, more for my own benefit. I was forcing myself to believe he would. I really hopped he wasn't going to let me down again.

I plodded through the rest of the day after Edward's call. I couldn't get back to sleep, so instead I busied myself with little things throughout the day. Mostly school work, some light cleaning and the like. I checked my phone regularly but got nothing. Edward never called and with each passing hour my heart sank further and further.

Sleep that night was near impossible. I kept tossing and turning, slipping in and out of consciousness. It was agony. I knew I was going to suffer in school the next morning, which only made it worse.

I was already awake when my alarm sounded, telling me it was time to get up. I cursed repeatedly, I felt more than shit. I got ready in a zombie like state, draining a cup of coffee in the hope of a little bit of animation on my part.

Edward called just as I reached my car. I almost didn't answer, grouchy from lack of sleep and being left waiting. After taking a deep breath and running a hand quickly through my hair, I clicked on.

"Yes?"

"Bella?" If I had thought he sounded bad yesterday, it was nothing compared to how he sounded today.

"Yes."

"Shit, Bella… Where are you?" He sounded distracted and confused.

"I'm on my way to school, what's wrong?"

"Bella, jeez, fuck… I screwed up… Where are you?" His voice was filled with panic.

"I just said, on my way to school. Edward, what happened? What's going on?"

My heart was pounding, I felt a cold sweat begin to form on my skin, whatever was going on was serious and I had no idea how bad it would be or what to do.

"I need to see you, fuck! Bella, please, you have to come!"

"Where are you? I'll come now, just tell me where you are."

"You know the abandoned warehouses out near the highway? I need you here, I need you now." Edward's voice had now taken on an unbecoming hint of hysteria, which made my heart race even faster.

"Yes, I know it," I was already trying to work out the fastest route there, fumbling for my car keys whilst holding the phone to my ear. "I'll be there as soon as I can, okay, just hold on."

Edward clicked off without saying goodbye. He sounded so unlike himself, it terrified me. What the fuck was this boy into? I had no idea, no idea what I was walking into, no idea where it would take me, but I had to go, he needed me… and it was Edward. I was so deeply invested in him it scared me, I'd known him for little more than a month yet my heart told me I would do anything for this boy. I would **die** for him.

I drove faster than I should have, my palms were sweating and I was breathing so fast I feared I might hyperventilate. It seemed like it took me forever to get there. I drove in silence, the only sound that of my harsh breathing and thundering heart.

Edward had asked me to drive out to a group of three abandoned warehouses. I remember when my dad was still alive, he would always tell me about the high school kids who would drink out here, every time reminding me I would never be one of them. Back then I was daddies good girl, I sometimes wondered what he would say if he could see me now.

The ground was gravel and littered with bottles, broken wood and all sorts of other rubbish. I pulled the Impala in carefully, mindful not to damage the tires on the broken glass or wood.

Being here did not ease my panic in any way. As I stepped out into the cool September morning, Edward was nowhere to be seen. His car wasn't here, nor was any other. This place looked as abandoned as ever.

"Edward?" I called out, hoping someone wasn't going to run out with a knife or some shit.

I knew this was a bad place to be, had heard it first hand from my father, but it was first thing on a Monday morning, surely I was safe.

"Edward!" I called again, this time louder. "Where are you?"

He came from the west, I didn't see him until he was practically in front of me. I didn't scream, or even jump, just stared. Stared straight at him in absolute horror.

He was wearing a white v-neck t-shirt and a pair of ripped jeans. The t-shirt was thin, covered in grease and smeared with blood. His nose was bleeding, both eyes were bruised, one so badly it was swollen shut. The look in his one remaining good eye was something I had never seen before. His pupil was blown wide, clearly fucked but there was something beyond the drugs, something dark, something I wish I didn't have to look at.

"Edward?" My voice was small and sounded awfully far away.

"We need to go. We need to go now." He said, grabbing my arm painfully tight.

He tried to pull me back towards my car but I dug my feet in, trying to loosen his grip on my arm with my free hand.

"Go where? Edward! What's going on?"

"Shh, Bella."

He moved his face close to mine. I could smell alcohol on his breath, mingled with sweat and blood, it made my stomach churn. He released his grip on my arm, taking my face in his hands, he looked me straight in the eyes.

"Edward… you're scaring me." I whispered the words so quietly I wondered if I had said them at all.

His reply was a kiss, a kiss so forceful, so needy it startled me… I stood paralysed as he kissed me, only responding when his tongue snaked into my mouth. His hold on my face was gentle, caring, nothing like it had been on my arm but there was something about this which scared me shitless.

He tasted like stale cigarettes, booze and blood. I ignored all of that, focussing solely on the tiny thrill I felt from having his lips on mine. I closed my eyes, blocking this… broken, bleeding man from view, then relaxed into his touch. It felt almost normal when I couldn't see him but I knew something was wrong and I needed to know what if I was to be any help at all.

"Edward, what happened?" I asked softly as I broke away from the kiss, a part of me felt relieved.

He sighed, dropping his hands to mine then taking them in a loose grip.

"I fucked up, I screwed up big time. I'm so messed up, Bella. I… I, I tried to fix it but now everything's worse. I don't know what to do." As he spoke, he turned back into the Edward I knew and loved. The darkness in his eye seemed to leave and instead was replaced with such sadness it made my heart ache.

"Come on." I lead him to the car gently, helping him into the passenger seat before moving around to my side.

I needed to get the whole story from him and I needed him to make sense. I didn't want to be out here, it made me uneasy. Beside, Edward was hurt, I had to get him home. My mom hadn't been home when I left earlier. I had no reason to believe she would be now and even if she was, so fucking what.

"It's all about drugs Bella. Everything. The whole fucking world revolves around them." He sounded so lost. Just a scared little boy too small to matter in this world.

I took a deep breath. I had no idea how far into this shit he had got himself, but by the state he was in I was thinking it was pretty deep. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. I just needed a minute to think, a second to compose myself but how could I? I could feel his warmth next to me, could hear him breathing beside me. I had to get through this. Had to sift through this mess in order to save the real Edward. The Edward who had been there for me as I sat crying next to my father's grave, The Edward who had taken me to dinner, who had thrown popcorn with me at the movies. The boy, no man, who when I looked into his eyes I saw something which I thought I would never have. I saw a chance for happiness, with him.

"I'm going to take you back to my house, you're hurt. Then we can talk."

He said nothing, just stared straight ahead. He either hadn't heard me or didn't care. I took his silence as acceptance and began the drive home. I drove much slower this time, instead of my heart thundering in my ear, there was an eerie calm inside the car. Our breathing was slow and even, soft. I was shaking all over and didn't even realise it. I had an awful fear that he was already too far gone to save and then what? Would I go on with my life, knowing he could have been part of it but wasn't. I didn't know if I was capable of that.

We didn't speak, even after I had pulled up outside my apartment. We walked in silence, him following me the entire way until we were sitting side my side on my bed. Now that I was here, I didn't know what to do. Didn't know what I could do.

_The blood. _

I had to clean off the blood.

He didn't stop me, didn't even ask where I was going when I left to get some warm water to clean his face with. I had cotton wool in my room and was sure I had one of Jasper's shirts Edward could borrow.

I started back towards my room then stopped, instead pulling a battered pack of cigarettes from my back pocket. I needed to calm my nerves. I felt as though I had a gun pointed to my head and the trigger could be pulled at any time. The nicotine helped, if only a little. The tremble in my hand's stopped and my head felt a little clearer. I could face this, I knew I could, I just had to stop being a pussy and get on with it.

He sat still as I dabbed cotton wool into water, cleaning away the blood as gently as I could. The bowl of clear water turned red after a couple of dabs, a stark reminder of just how fragile the human body was. What was once perfect can become broken and bloody easier than what seemed logical. How could we survive as a species if we fell apart so easily. If we lost our way at every fork and turn.

I felt anger boil to the surface and had to bite my lip to stop myself from screaming. Here I was patching up this beautiful, near perfect boy. Only he wasn't perfect anymore, he was marred and defiled. For what? For coke or E? A little bit of high wasn't worth this, wasn't worth the look in his eyes when I had found him.

His face cleaned of blood was puffy and bruised, he looked like a completely different person. It had only been two days since I had seen him last.

"I bought you a clean shirt. It's Jasper's, but I don't think he'd mind." I told him, handing over the black Led Zeppelin shirt. I didn't bother to leave the room or turn my face. It didn't seem to matter right now.

He pulled his own bloody and stained shirt over his head. At first I didn't know what the marks covering his ribs were, dark smudges covering almost all of him, but of course they were bruises. Like whoever did this to him was just going to stop at his face. My heart sank.

"You have to tell me everything. All of it. Start from the beginning. I don't care how long it takes. I need to know." My voice was hard and set. I needed the truth. I _deserved it._

"Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"Yes."

And that's when my world turned upside down.


End file.
